Teachers fired after in-school nudity

A New York high school fired two female teachers who were found one recent evening allegedly drunk and at least partially naked in a classroom, officials said.

New York High School Superintendent Linda Waite's report of the Nov. 20 incident said James Madison High School French teacher Cindy Mauro, 34, and Spanish teacher Alini Brito, 30, were found in a classroom at 8:50 p.m. by maintenance workers.

Waite said the workers reported seeing "a woman lying on the floor naked from the waist up" and a school safety officer summoned to the classroom said the women were "naked," with one "on her knees" and one "lying on the floor." The superintendent said the teachers appeared drunk, displaying slurred speech, red eyes and difficulty walking without stumbling.

Waite said there were students in the building at the time of the incident, as the annual SING! competition was underway. Mark Nussbaum, an attorney for Mauro and Brito, said the teachers have requested a formal hearing to contest the allegations.

Inept Thieves Drop Gun in Lap of Victim

A robbery victim had a force on her side other than police: The force of gravity. One of two people trying to rob a 69-year-old woman in her car on Friday night accidentally dropped his handgun into her lap. She grabbed the gun and turned it on the man, chasing him off, South Daytona police said.

The suspect also dropped a cell phone, which held pictures that helped the woman identify her robber to police, they said. At about on 7 p.m. Friday, Carol J. Costello had just left the Walmart on Beville Road when a black Chevrolet Impala pulled in front and forced her to stop. A passenger armed with a silver semi-automatic handgun wrapped in a towel jumped out and tried to break the driver's-side window with the gun, police said.

When that didn't work, he leapt onto the hood and smashed a large hole in the windshield. That's when the suspect's handgun fell through the hole and into Costello's lap. She grabbed the gun and aimed it at the suspect, who fled to the Impala.

Costello then tried to drive off, but her car struck the front of the suspects' car. She drove around the Impala and copied its tag number before it got away. From a picture on the suspect's cell phone, Costello was able to identify the man she said banged the hole in her windshield and dropped his gun. Police identified the suspect as Raymond Lewis Shepard, 25, of Daytona Beach. The Impala driver has not been identified.

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JOKE: An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off to the nearest water source, a bathroom and return with a glass of water.

But, then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "An infidel is sitting on the well."

Hot monkeys love ice pops

Monkeys at a Chinese zoo are cooling off with ice lollies as temperatures reach 40 degrees.

Zhengzhou Zoo hands out two to each parched primate per day, and their keeper explained how they developed a taste for the them.

"The first time they didn't dare try them until we threw some into the water," he said. "A brave one tried it and screamed how good it was, which attracted others to fight for them."

He added that the monkeys now wait patiently for the lollies, and sit in a circle around him as they're handed out.

As the temperatures soar the zoo also provides showers for elephants, and feeds other animals cooling water melon.

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Suffering Panic Attacks, Woman Lived in a Hospital Parking Lot for Four Months

Too scared to move, she slept in the motor there so she'd be near medics at all times.

She ran her cleaning business from it using a laptop and mobile.

Pretty Lynsey even tucked in to CHRISTMAS DINNER in the black Renault after a heart scare sparked the attacks.

Lynsey, 30, said: "The thought of driving home was too terrifying. I knew I had to stay as it was the only place I felt safe."

Medics couldn't section her either because she wasn't actually a danger to herself.

Lynsey, from Wishaw, Lanarkshire,UK had her first panic attack in October last year when she was driving home from work. She recalled: "My heart started hammering in my chest. I pulled over and called 999."

An ECG revealed it had been triggered by an ectopic heartbeat, or irregular heart rate. She was prescribed beta blockers to slow her heart but the attacks didn't stop.

Terrified, Lynsey began stopping at all of the three hospitals she passed on her drive to and from work.

Then one day in November last year she got to Wishaw General - three miles from home - and stayed put.

Her boyfriend Scott Paterson couldn't get her to budge. And because she was awaiting therapy for her attacks, her GP could do no more.

So Scott, 40, brought her a sleeping bag, food, money, and visited every day. Lynsey washed in the hospital and bought her grub in the canteen.

Even the winter couldn't shift her. "I'd wake up shivering," she said. "There was ice on the inside of the car. I was lonely but too frightened to go home."

Lynsey's mum brought her Christmas dinner and Scott festooned his car with tinsel and brought her presents.

The security guards and police checked on her but it wasn't until a worried paramedic got her a hospital appointment in March that she got treatment. Now back at home with retail manager Scott and undergoing weekly counselling sessions, Lynsey said: "I'm angry that I was ignored for so long. Mental illness is a real problem."

An NHS Lanarkshire spokesman said: "An appropriate care plan is now in place."

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JOKE: A wife and her husband were having a dinner party

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails , he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"