VIDEO: Mexican toddler involved in jewelry heist

An apparent jewelry heist in Mexico involving a young child has been captured on CCTV. In shop security footage a woman, who appeared to be the child's mother, distracted shop staff while the boy removed several items from display cabinets.

The woman then told the employees that her car was illegally parked and the pair quickly left the shop in Oaxaca that specialises in silver products. Twenty minutes later, the clerks noticed over $375 worth of merchandise missing.

Saleswoman Ana Lilia Hernandez said they did not suspect the woman and child until the store owner saw the theft on the store's security video. "After about 20 minutes, we realised that the piece (of jewelry) was missing, that it wasn't in the cabinet that we have in front which was open.

"But we were never suspected the boy and the lady because the lady came with a boy who was a bit naughty but that was it, he was walking back and forth but we never suspected it was that customer," she said. The store owner reported the crime but police have yet to make an arrest in the case.

JOKE: Crisco

As usual, Ted was standing in the bar bathroom again after too many beers when he happened to glance over and noticed the size of Vern's privates.

Ted said, "Vern, this may sound weird, but back in high school you weren't so huge. What happened?"

Vern replied, "Well, Ted, I learned something a while back. Every night I coat it with lard."

"Really?" said Ted, silently resolving to try this new secret. He stopped at a store, bought a can of Crisco, and rubbed himself with it every night for weeks. A few weeks later, he again bumped into Vern at the urinals.

Vern glanced down and cried, "Damn, Ted, what have you been doing to yourself?!"

Ted replied, "It's your fault! I followed your directions and rubbed it with Crisco like you said."

"Fool!" said Vern. "I said 'lard,' not 'shortening!' "

Clang Clang Clang Went The Frying Pan

A Kansas man accused of attempting to rape an elderly Hutchinson woman in her home on Saturday spent several days in the hospital after the woman knocked him unconscious with a frying pan.

Kevin Scott Funderburk, 25, made a first appearance Tuesday via video camera before Reno County Magistrate Randy McEwen. Funderburk was jailed on suspicion of attempted rape, aggravated battery, criminal restraint and criminal damage to property.

When asked if he had anything to say about his bond, Funderburk, who was wearing a neck brace, said "No" and McEwen left his bond at $55,200.

"He talked his way into the residence of the victim, a 71-year-old female, under the guise he was homeless and had nowhere to go," said detective Sgt. John Moore. "He was drunk and said he didn't want trouble with the police."

In the home, he then allegedly attacked the woman, held her down and attempted to rape her, Moore said. The woman fought him off, however. During the struggle, she was reportedly injured and property reportedly damaged, resulting in the other potential charges.

"She was fighting for her life," Moore said. "She beat him down with a frying pan."

Police responded to the home on East Fourth Avenue shortly before 7 a.m. Saturday.

"When we arrived, he was unconscious and lying in his own vomit in the back of the house," Moore said. "He was in the hospital in Wichita over the weekend and they stapled his scalp."

Funderburk, who last had a Newton address, was homeless and had been staying with different people in Hutchinson, Moore said. He is also being held on a warrant seeking extradition to California; though, Moore didn't know on what charges.

Drunk driver wedges car between two buildings

A drunk driver has emerged unscathed from his car after flipping it up in the air and ending up wedged between two houses 5ft above the ground. The California crash happened at 1.15am local time, when the young driver - who had been drinking illegally - ignored a traffic signal in San Pedro, Los Angeles.

Spinning out of control, the driver hit a kerb before crashing through a fence. The car gained so much momentum that it flew through the air, landing at an improbable angle with the front and back ends jammed into the two houses. Neither the driver or his passenger sustained any serious injuries.

Homeowner Monica Allen has told how she and her husband thought they were experiencing an earthquake until she walked into her living room and saw a car hanging out of the building. Luckily, the second home, in which the rear of the car was wedged, was empty as it had just been sold.

But the previous owners estimate about $100,000 (�63,000) worth of damage to the property. Before the Ford Fusion was removed, the authorities had to consult on how best to lower the car without causing further damage to the houses

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JOKE: Wendy the prostitute

Wendy was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes, and Wendy was among them. The police took them outside and lined them up along the driveway when, suddenly, Wendy's grandma came by.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Wendy told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."

The policeman fainted.

Refrigerator thrown from building strikes, kills man

Police investigate the death of man that had a refrigerator fall on him, next to a building located at 811 N. 22 St.

A 33-year-old man who was part of a crew renovating an apartment on Milwaukee's west side was killed Tuesday when he was struck by a refrigerator his co-workers had thrown from the building, a Milwaukee police spokeswoman said.

Initial reports indicated the refrigerator fell from a fourth-floor porch to the ground, where the man was struck.

The incident occurred about 9:40 a.m. at 805-11 N. 22nd St., police spokeswoman Anne E. Schwartz said. The workers who threw the refrigerator said they yelled down to the ground but didn't hear a response, so they thought the area was clear, she said.

The victim apparently stepped into the path of the refrigerator as it fell, Schwartz said. No one is in custody.

"It appears right now just to be a tragic accident," Schwartz said.

The victim died at the scene. His name has not been released. He worked for Wiegand Enterprises, which manages the building, according to an e-mail from the company's president, Rick Wiegand.

The victim "has been a dedicated and valued member of the Wiegand Enterprises team for many years," Wiegand said in his e-mail. "As a family man with a warm heart and zest for life, we are all heartbroken with his loss."

The refrigerator fell into a narrow gangway between the four-story brick building and a chain-link fence. Police tape blocked off the gangway Tuesday afternoon. A white, full-size refrigerator with a bent door was standing upright in the gangway.

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration is investigating the incident, a spokeswoman for the U.S. Department of Labor said.

Substitute teacher wins $95M lottery, will quit job and buy RV

A substitute teacher from Fort Mohave walked into the Arizona Lottery's headquarters Monday and put two weeks of rumors, speculation and excitement to rest, claiming a $95.3 million Powerball prize.

Sheila Verke, 64, held the single prize-winning ticket, but her identity had been a mystery since the Dec. 1 drawing.

She accepted a jackpot check in person Monday, accompanied by friends and financial advisers.

She took the prize as a lump sum of $49.9 million rather than a 30-year annuity for the full prize.

"This will make so many changes in my own life and the lives of my family," she said.

She said she expects to bank the money and live on the interest. She quit her job and plans to buy an RV and begin touring the country.

Verke bought the ticket at a Safeway store in Fort Mohave, just south of Bullhead City in western Arizona. She said she regularly played the same numbers, a combination of family birthdays, for the past six years.

The announcement that a single winning Powerball ticket had been sold in Fort Mohave caused a sensation in the small community on the Colorado River.

When no one stepped forward in the first week to claim the prize, rumors began to swirl. Perhaps the winner was not at least 21 years old, the minimum legal age to play the Lottery in Arizona. Perhaps a winter visitor had bought the winning ticket, stuck it away and forgot about it.

The rumors were put to rest Monday. Verke said she didn't come forward sooner because she was busy working out a plan for the money.

Safeway gets $25,000 for selling the winning ticket. Company officials said Monday that $5,000 of that is being donated to the Boys and Girls Clubs of the Colorado River, which serves Bullhead City, Fort Mohave, and Laughlin, Nev.

"We had so many rumors it's unreal," said John Jenkins, assistant manager of the Safeway store that sold the winning ticket. "It's so nice that it has come out and so nice that it is someone local."

Verke said she moved to Arizona from Montana in 2000 and doesn't have plans to move out of Fort Mohave. She said she is divorced, with two sons and five grandchildren.

She had to bite her tongue a few times since the announcement that the winning ticket was sold in her hometown, especially when she stopped in to Safeway. Store employees had been asking their regular Lottery players if they had won or knew the winner. Verke told only a select group of family, friends and her financial advisers.

Arizona Lottery Executive Director Jeff Hatch-Miller called the prize a "major, major win" for Verke and told her he hoped it would be a "blessing in her life."

The winning numbers were 5-10-11-12-20, and Powerball was No. 2.

JOKE: The Cigar Addict

"Doc, ya gotta help me: I'm addicted to cigars!" The doctor was familiar with this compulsive patient, so he recommended an unusual form of aversion therapy.

"Tonight, when you go to bed, unwrap one cigar and stick it up your butt. Then tomorrow morning, remove it, rewrap it, and place it with all your others, so you can't tell which it is. Not knowing, you won't dare smoke any of them."

"Thanks, Doc. I'll try it." Three weeks later, the same guy was back.

"What's wrong? Didn't my recommendation work?" asked the doctor.

"Well, it kinda worked, Doc."

"What does that mean?" asked the doctor.

"Now I don't smoke cigars, but I can't go to sleep without a cigar up my a$s!"

Drunk Atlanta Tourist, Got A$$ Kicked in Brawl With Female Miami Beach Cop

This mug shot tells only half the story, but it tells it clearly: Sterling Roderick Wilde, a 26-year-old Atlanta tourist allegedly found sleeping in a South Beach hotel hallway, tangled with the wrong lady cop.

According to her police report, Miami Beach Police Officer Lisa LoBello reported to the fourth floor of the Tides on Ocean Drive around 11 p.m. Friday, November 19, after hotel employees complained of a drunk guy sleeping on the floor. Hotel security had taken his wallet and figured out that Wilde was actually booked at the W Hotel ten blocks north.

LoBello woke Wilde and told him she would escort him downstairs to get a cab to the W, according to the report. He flashed his middle finger and told her: "Fuck you, bitch. Get the fuck off of me." As the cop tried to help Wilde off the floor, she claimed, he "began hitting [her] legs and my arms with both open hands." She tried to pull him to the elevator, and Wilde, "screaming and irate," began punching her.

LoBello -- who is 5-foot-5 and 130 pounds -- says she was unable to cuff the 180-pound Wilde, who landed several punches to her head and "began to rip out [her] hair by the ponytail and pull [her] down to the floor." LoBello punched Wilde in the face, and they grappled on the floor. He tried to tear the radio from her shoulder while continuing to pull her hair.

"Finally able to get his hands out of my hair," LoBello later wrote, she sprayed Wilde with mace and put one cuff on him. When he continued to resist, she "delivered a closed fist punch to the left side of his face," which certainly shows in that mug shot, and finished handcuffing him.

After backup arrive, Wilde was treated by paramedics, dragged "kicking and screaming" into a police vehicle, and transported to jail. Wilde was charged with felony counts of battery on a police officer, resisting arrest with violence, and depriving an officer of a radio. He's free on $16,500 bond.

LoBello "sustained serious injuries to her neck," according to MBPD spokesperson Juan Sanchez, and is on medical leave. "All department policy and protocols were followed with regards to use of force," he says.