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JOKE: A married couple were lying in bed one night.

A married couple were lying in bed one night.

The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, as the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a very short intervals before turning back to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"

His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay.

"The husband says, "No, not at all."

His wife asks angrily, "Well, then what the hell were you doing ?"

"I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages."

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JOKE: HUSBAND'S TOO LOUD

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."

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Brazilian woman wins right to watch porn and masturbate at work

Ana Catarian Bezerra is a 36-year-old Brazilian woman who suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality. 

Ana, an accountant by day, began to have problems at work because the only way she can relieve said anxiety is by masturbating. A lot. 

Ana had to take her employer to court in order to be allowed to masturbate during work hours. Now after winning a court battle and seeking professional medical help, she is allowed to masturbate and watch porn using her work's computer. 

Carlos Howert, Ana's doctor, now prescribes her with a cocktail of tranquillizers, leaving her only having to masturbate around eighteen-times a day.