JOKE: The Jewish grandmother

A Jewish grandmother was giving directions to her grandson, who, along with his wife, was coming to visit her. "Come to the front door of Building 14. There's a big panel beside the front door. With your elbow, push button 311. I'll buzz you in. Once you're inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and use your elbow to push 3. Get out on 3 and Apartment 311 is on your left. Ring my doorbell with your elbow."

He was confused. "Grandma, that sounds easy enough, but why should I press all those buttons with my elbow?

She snapped back, "What, are you coming empty-handed?!"

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VIDEO: NC Pastor Sort of Apologizes for Encouraging Violence Toward Gay Children

A North Carolina pastor who told parents in a Sunday sermon that they should hit their children if they began to act gay has retracted his advice, saying he should have spoken more carefully.

Pastor Sean Harris, of the Berean Baptist Church in Fayetteville, N.C., apologized in a statement released this week for "any and all words that suggest that child abuse is appropriate for any and all types of behaviors, including (but not limited to) effminancy and sexual immorality of all types."

In the sermon, given Sunday in support of a proposed North Carolina amendment defining marriage as being between a man and a woman, Harris talked at length about homosexual behaviors. At one point, he instructed fathers who "see that son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist."

Harris said that gay tendencies in young children should be "squashed like a cockroach" and that if parents see young boys acting like girls, fathers should "give [them] a good punch.

"When your daughter starts acting too butch, you reign her in," Harris said in the sermon, which was posted in a video online. "You're going to act like a girl and walk like a girl and talk like a girl and smell like a girl, and that means you're going to be beautiful and you're going to be attractive and you're going to dress yourself up."

Harris later told the Fayetteville Observer newspaper on Tuesday that he "would never ever advocate" hitting a child.

"If I had to say it again, I would say it differently, no doubt," Harris told the newspaper Tuesday. "Those weren't planned words, but what I do stand by is that the word of God makes it clear that effeminate behavior is ungodly. I'm not going to compromise on that."

Despite retracting his statement that parents should be violent toward seemingly-gay children, Harris reiterated that parents should reinforce traditional gender roles in children.

"I do not apologize for the manner in which the word of God articulates sexual immorality, including homosexuality and effimancy, as a behavior that is an abomination of God," he said in a written statement.

Gay rights activists in Harris' community equated his tactics with the Westboro Baptist Church, a fundamentalist Christian church.

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JOKE: GENIE GRANTS A WISH

Wendy meets Tammy for lunch. "You're looking very tired today, Tammy. Did you have a late night?"

"Yes," replies Tammy, "but it was all very strange. While doing some gardening yesterday, I found a lamp, so I rubbed it and out popped a genie. He gave me a choice of two wishes."

"Wow," says Wendy, "so what were the choices he gave you, Tammy?"

"He said he could either give me an excellent, sharp, perfect memory, or he could give my boyfriend a huge member."

"So tell me already, Tammy, which did you choose?"

"I can't remember," replies Tammy.

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Canadian Hang Gliding Pilot Swallows Memory Card After Fatal Hang Gliding Accident

A Canadian hang gliding pilot whose passenger plummeted 1,000 feet to her death is in police custody until a video camera memory card he swallowed passes through his digestive system.

William Jon Orders, 50, has been charged with obstructing justice after allegedly swallowing the card from the video camera that was attached to the hang glider.

Authorities believe the card may hold evidence that could show what happened when Orders' passenger, Lenami Godinez-Avila, 27, fell shortly after the two were launched from Mount Woodside in British Columbia on a tandem hang-gliding flight on Saturday.

Godinez-Avila's body was later found in a heavily wooded area, police said.

"There have been a series of x-rays taken," Cpl. Tammy Hollingsworth of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) told reporters. "We have confirmed, so we're just kind of in the waiting process here."

She said the x-rays show that the card is "still inside."

"We've equated it about the size to our Canadian loonie dollar coin," Constable Tracy Wolbeck of the RCMP told ABCNews.com today. "It's not a big thing. It's a small little memory card that fits into [the] camera."

A Canadian loonie is slightly larger than an American quarter.

Wolbeck said that Orders "advised police that he had swallowed the card," but said that police cannot say anything else about conversations they have had with him because the investigation is ongoing.

"The circumstances surrounding the situation are very unique," she said. "We are working diligently so that we can find answers for the family."

Margit Nance, the executive director of the Hang Gliding and Paragliding Association of Canada, said that Orders was a fully certified instructor and tandem pilot who had been flying for 16 years. She said that all of his training was "completely up-to-date."

"This has never happened in the history of the sport here in Canada," Nance told ABCNews.com, referring to a passenger falling off of a tandem hang glider. "This is so anomalous, which is why everyone is in totally shock. How is this possible? It's incomprehensible."

The association has temporarily suspended Orders' certification as an instructor and tandem pilot pending the completion of the investigation, Nance said.

"Then there will be a review as to whether further disciplinary action has to be taken, which could include being stripped of all the ratings and expulsion from the association."

According to the Vancouver Hang Gliding website, the company owned and operated by Orders, a video of every flight is part of the package so every hang glider is equipped with a camera.

"Either it was a pilot error or equipment error. Those are the only two variables," Nance said.

Coroners are working to determine Godinez-Avila's official cause of death, police said. Orders' next court appearance is scheduled for Friday afternoon.

"A young woman with her whole life ahead of her lost her life. This is something that is so heartbreaking," Nance said. "Even though it's once in 40 years in this sport, this must never happen again."

JOKE: SWEARING OFF WOMEN

These two guys had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.

They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.

The guys asked "What's that board for?"

The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this."

They said, "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The trader said,"Well. take the boards with you, and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year. "Okay," they said and left.

The next year this guy came into the trader's store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?"

"Yeah" said the guy.

"Where is he," asked the trader?

"I shot him," said the guy.

"Why?"

"I caught him in bed with my board!"

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