JOKE: Presents for Teacher

On the last day of kindergarten, the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son gave her a box. She shook it, held it up, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Is it flowers?"

"That's right!" said the boy. Then the candy store owner's son gave her his package. She shook it, held it up, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Is it a box of candy?"

"That's right!" said the boy.

Next the liquor store owner's son handed her his box. She shook it, held it up, and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "I bet I know what it is. Is it wine?"

"No," said the boy. She touched another drop to her tongue.

"Is it Champagne?"

"No," said the boy.

"I give up. What is it?"

The boy grinned. "A puppy!

GOT CAPTION? 7/26

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California driver takes offense to plaid jacket, tries to run wearer down

A Tiburon motorist is in jail after he tried to run down a pedestrian wearing a plaid jacket, police said.

It all began when 31-year-old Eugene Anderson apparently left his home in a huff Monday evening after a domestic dispute, jumped in his car and sped onto Tiburon Boulevard, said Tiburon police Sgt. Steve Hahn.

While on his way to buy a pack of cigarettes, Anderson spotted an unidentified man walking on the sidewalk and allegedly tried to run him down, Hahn said.

"He made statements to the effect of: He didn't like the plaid jacket the man was wearing," said Hahn.

The pedestrian avoided injury by jumping out of the way.

Hahn said the plaid jacket did not have a particularly loud pattern.

"I guess he was just really angry with whomever he saw."

Anderson was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and remained in the Marin County Jail in lieu of $50,000 bail.

VIDEO: Bear Cubs Rescued From Dumpster in New Mexico

Three black bear cubs were rescued from a dumpster in Ruidoso, New Mexico, by local residents Shirley and Tom Schenk. The couple heard the bears crying through the night and came to their rescue as soon as there was enough light, armed with a ladder and a pickup truck. Apparently, these bears are notorious for their mischievous conduct.

JOKE: The Old Scotsman

An old Scotsman was talking to a young man in a pub. "Laddie, look out at that field. Do you see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I worked for months, but do they call me MacGreggor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo."

Then the old man pointed to the bar. "Laddie, look here at this bar. Do you see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor. I worked on it for weeks. But do they call me MacGreggor-the-Woodworker? Nooo."

Then the old man points out the other window. "Laddie, look out to sea. Do you see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me brow. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me MacGreggor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo." Then the old man looks around nervously, making sure no one is listening. "But, ya screw ONE sheep..."

GOT CAPTION? 7/25

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