I like to post videos,crazy news items and jokes..if I make you laugh,I am rewarded in knowing that I made your day better...
Friday, December 11, 2009
VIDEO: RETURN OF THE WINGED SUIT BASE JUMPERS
CLICK THINGIE LEFT OF VIMEO TO DISPLAY FULL SCREEN VIDEO..
click CTRL wingsuit base jumping above to see a larger screen
TEN GREAT TIPS FOR 2010
1. Stay out of trouble.
2. Aim for greater heights.
3. Stay focused on your job.
4. Exercise to maintain good health.
5. Practice team work.
6. Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back. Take your time trusting others.
7. Save for rainy days.
8. Rest and relax.
9. Always take time to smile.
AND
10. Realize that nothing is impossible.
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
TIP: CONVERTING TEMPERATURES EASILY
In school, we all learn to convert celcius to fahrenheit and vice versa using a rather complicated and cumbersome formula.
I like to keep things simple in life and in such things as converting temperatures so I came up with my own method for doing this.
First off in school they teach this: Multiply the Celsius temperature reading by 9/5, and then add 32 to get the temperature in Fahrenheit: (9/5 * C) + 32 = F.
Subtract 32 from the Fahrenheit temperature, and then multiply this quantity by 5/9 to get the temperature in Celsius: (F ' 32) * 5/9 = C.
For me this is a bit much..what I do, and although not totally precise it is very close to the exact temperature and works well enough since I just want to compare world temps anyway.
Celcius is based on 0-100. 32* fahrenheit is equal to 0*Celcius. 100*Celcius is equal to 212* fahrenheit. I work on the basis that there are two degree of Fahrenheit for each degree of Celcius. While not precise this is good enough for me to get a rough idea of comparitive temperatures.
- Examples: if it is 12*F here..I know that is 20* less than 32*..dividing the difference in half, it makes it -10*C.
- if it is 72*F here..I know that is 40* more than 32*..dividing the difference in half makes it 20*C.
- if the temp is 30*C, I multiply that by 2=60 and add it to 32*F, so 30*C=92*F
- if the temp is 15*C I multiply that by 2=30 and add it to 32*F so 15*C=62* F
- Minus Celcius is a bit more complicated. We need to remember that 0*C=32*F.
- -10*C=32-20 so -10*C is the same as 12*F
- -20*C=32-40 so --20*C is the same as -8*F
JOKE: OLD COUPLE GETTING MARRIED
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered: 'Is that one word, or two?'
Thursday, December 10, 2009
FOOT/PENIS SIZE w/CONVERSION CHART
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships. "Isnt there some way to judge the size of a mans equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly. "The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet," counselled the therapist. So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon. When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."
#### Female Pre-Coital Agreement ####
I, the undersigned, do hereby agree that:
1. In the highly unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you've drunkenly rolled on top of me, as is entirely normal and in accordance with the natural order of things, and pumped away for two minutes, I shall politely fake one. It'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like "Oh, you're so good, you're the best" and howling like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a needle.
2. Should your mother show me any photos of you as a child, like those ones taken at your auntie's wedding where you've got a velvet bow tie and a pudding-bowl haircut, I shall make no comment. Ever. Or even look at you in a way that suggests they are all "funny."
3. I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't there. To demonstrate my understanding of this principle, I will prepare your favorite meal or, in the event of not being able to cook, take you out for a few pints at my cost.
4. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak and that have discovered, contrary to popular belief, that size does matter.
5. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.
6. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face. Under no circumstances will I attempt to start a conversation as you are dropping off to sleep.
7. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname. Any references to this hallowed appendage will be prefaced with words such as "mighty," "huge" or "the thunderstick."
8. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.
9. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual tendencies. Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay. I understand that video footage of such incidents is an indispensable part of the experience and in the event that you do not already possess one, I will acquire a video camera for you at the earliest opportunity.
10. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men."
11. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, barbecues and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you're in charge of the lot. Except for the iron, the Hoover and the washing machine, of course.
Signed ____________________________________
Date ____________________
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