I like to post videos,crazy news items and jokes..if I make you laugh,I am rewarded in knowing that I made your day better...
Monday, December 14, 2009
JOKE: ON A DESERT ISLAND
A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he had ever done in his life.
Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer,desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end, sat under the same palm tree.
One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared. "I'm from the other side of the island," she said. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?"
"Yes, I was, " he answered. "But where did you get that rowboat?"
"Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunwhale from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, what did you use for tools?" asked the man.
"There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the tools. But, enough of that," she said. "Where have you been living all this time? I don't see any shelter."
"To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach," he said.
"Would you like to come to my place?" the woman asked. The engineer nodded dumbly.
She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid and around a Palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
"It's not much, but I call it home." Inside, she said, "Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"
"No, thanks," said the man. "One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!"
"It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a crude still out back, so we can have authentic Pina Coladas."
Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?"
"No," the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life until I ended up on this island."
"Well if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."
The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp. Next he showered -- not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to get warm water into the bathroom -- and went back downstairs. He couldn't help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he walked.
"You look great," said the woman. "I think I'll go up and slip into something more comfortable." As she did, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time,the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias, returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned out of pounded palm fronds.
"Tell me," she asked, "we've both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely...is there anything that you really, really miss? Something that all men and woman need? Something that would be really nice to have right now!"
"Yes there is!" the man replied, shucking off his shyness. "There is something I've wanted to do for so long. But on this island all alone, it was just...well, it was impossible."
"Well, it's not impossible, any more," the woman said.
The man, practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly: "You mean........??!
"Yes you can.." She breathed..
"Wow! You actually figured out some way we can check our e-mail here?!!"
Sunday, December 13, 2009
SHARING SOME MORE OF ME AND MY PLACE HERE IN WASHINGTON
In My Neighborhood
I've got a red headed woodpecker here that keeps whacking away at one of our bat houses. I don't think he'll get any bugs out of the plywood but that doesn't prevent him from trying.
You'll notice the chips taken out of the wood. I've actually seens the chips flying. The bat house is hollow and it sounds like he's beating a drum. Maybe he just likes the music he's making. He keeps coming back! I'm sure our insectivorous buddies are getting rocked but good inside there while their trying to sleep. That's a bamboo tree behind the pole and douglas firs behind that. Took these pix from inside my kitchen because this bird is very flighty.
If I'm outside at dusk I watch our bat houses. It's pretty cool the way they exit the house. Basically they just drop since the only opening is on the bottom. Once they've dropped clear of the house, they can take wing but for a moment they are just dropping. Kinda cool to see how they do it.
JOKE: A DUCK WALKS INTO A BAR.....
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says,
"Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!"
Exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too,"
Says the duck.
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that,"
Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.
"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road,"
Explains the duck.
"I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him
"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus... He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvelous,"
says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.
"Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job,"
Says the duck.
"Where is it?"
"At the circus,"
Says the barman.
"The circus?"
Repeats the duck.
"That's right,"
Replies the barman.
"The circus?"
The duck asks again.
"With the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . ..
"What the hell would they do with a plasterer?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Michelle Thompson who has Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome finds man who satisfies her
P
A WOMAN with a medical condition that gives her 300 orgasms a day has found a man of her dreams after she wore out a string of boyfriends.
Michelle Thompson, who suffers from Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome, thought she was just too demanding for men and would never find the man of her dreams.
But she has been with her neighbor Andrew Carr, 32, for the past six months and he's as keen for sexual intercourse as she is and they make love 10 times a day.
"Andrew has changed my life. I'm no longer looking for a cure for my orgasms - I've found it," Michelle told The News of the World newspaper in the UK.
"Now I have a huge grin on my face all the time, and it's not just because of the orgasms."
Michelle's rare condition means she always craves sex and can climax at any time anywhere.
She even had to quit a job in a biscuit factory because the machines kept setting her off.
"I know I'm lucky to have so many orgasms when there are women who have never had one. But the condition has ruined my love life," she said.
Michelle's first boyfriend bowed out after a few months saying he couldn't keep up with her demands. And over the years several others gave up - with one telling her he was a man not a machine.
She dated one man for five years but "by the time we broke up, he was exhausted, he left as a defeated man".
Then in May she met Andrew, who is divorced, who lives over the road in Nelson, Lancashire, England.
"I did worry that he would grow tired of me like everyone else, but when I told him he laughed and said he would burn me out first," she said.
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