Saturday, December 26, 2009

Las Vegas man emerges from tunnels to resume life in the sunshine

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Beneath the flashy Strip and the vast suburbs of the arid Las Vegas Valley are hundreds of miles of flood-control tunnels thought to shelter about 300 lost souls.
LAS VEGAS — He lived in the shadows, if you could call it living.
For nearly four years, Glenn Harrington spent most days foraging for money, smoking marijuana and methamphetamine and searching for a place to crash: a buddy's couch, a deck chair at the Tropicana pool, behind a sign. Last year, after police busted him and a friend at the sign, a homeless guy directed them to the tunnels.
Beneath the flashy Strip and the vast suburbs of the arid Las Vegas Valley are hundreds of miles of flood-control tunnels thought to shelter about 300 lost souls.
The pitch-black passages stay dry most of the year but are a breeding ground for mosquitoes and, where shallow pools of water collect, even crayfish. They reek of sodden trash and urine.
But a person can disappear in the tunnels. And Harrington wanted to disappear.

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Steve and Kathryn, who gave no last name, rest in their queen-size bed in one of the tunnel system's more elaborate encampments. They have rebuffed offers of assistance.
So, he and his friend Thomas Kruse last fall headed to a culvert that leads into the tunnels. They slumbered outside for a few nights. They plied the handful of tunnel residents with weed and, eventually, were given the OK to move in.
Harrington paid two guys $20 each to lug a red leather sofa from a nearby apartment complex into an offshoot of the main corridor, nicknamed the Caesars tunnel. His new neighbors included a couple who had hauled in a studio apartment's worth of furniture.
Harrington, 44, is a slight, affable man with brown eyes, receding dark hair and a nervous laugh. The youngest in a family of eight children from Buffalo, N.Y., he joined his mom and a sister in Vegas almost three decades ago. He worked at casinos and once was an assistant food and beverage manager. He had a girlfriend and a daughter, Caylee, and liked the desert's ceaseless sunshine.
But the relationship was tempestuous. For years, Harrington had taken and quit jobs — and occasionally left town — on a whim. He often ended up on the sofa of a sister, playing the kind uncle to her children and pleading for money, then vanishing.
He says his girlfriend, also wrestling with addictions, left him and their daughter; her mother eventually took Caylee, then 3, back to Montana. He fought for custody, but lost, and returned to Vegas a woeful man. He started blowing money on drugs and slot machines and ended up on the streets.
Other tunnel residents tell similar stories, if they share them at all. A tacit code in the tunnels: Your past sins may remain unspoken.

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Glenn Harrington left tunnel life with the help of the nonprofit HELP of Southern Nevada. Here, he was preparing to move to a subsidized apartment.
Harrington slept fitfully in the surroundings, wracked by fears: surging stormwater, bugs inching across his face, a fellow itinerant stealing the black duffel bag containing his only change of clothes. He soon was squabbling with neighbors.
Book opened eyes
A few years back, a book about the storm-drain society caught the attention of homeless-outreach workers at the nonprofit HELP of Southern Nevada. The group intensified its efforts in March, when former corrections officer Rich Penska and others armed with flashlights and offers of housing and medical help began heading underground several times a month.
They repeatedly visited the Caesars tunnel and chatted with Steve and Kathryn, an amiable couple who had survived there for more than a year. They showed off their living quarters: a hotel-size bed, a flowered bedspread, sheets swiped from a laundry service. Dean Koontz books. Perfume bottles. Discarded tickets for shows Kathryn dreamed of seeing.
The pleas to Steve and Kathryn pinged off the walls, but Harrington listened.
A plea for help
Duffel bag in hand, he planted himself outside the Caesars tunnel on a sweltering June day. His neighbors had been mocking him: Was he too good for the tunnels?
Days earlier, he had approached Penska. Get me out of here, Harrington had begged.
Penska, 49, and the father of two adult sons, also grew up in Buffalo. He sized up Harrington, who swore he wasn't using drugs. Penska assumed — correctly — that was bunk, but that didn't mean the plea wasn't sincere.
Harrington's friend Kruse, 52, recently had accepted help from the group after getting sloshed, falling down a hill and breaking his ankle. Another man from the Caesars tunnel also had moved out. Penska realized Harrington was struggling more than Steve and Kathryn, who made subsistence living look oddly effortless. On top of that, the couple feared that Steve would be locked up on outstanding drug charges if they accepted housing. (That's why they asked that their last names not be used.)
Penska shuttled Harrington to a recovery facility, where he bunked with seven men and received intensive counseling.
As time passed and his head cleared, he started to catalog things his old neighbors were missing. A refrigerator. Old Spice deodorant. Hot food, hot showers, hot coffee. A sense of dignity.
He ultimately moved to a two-man room, occasionally visited Kruse, who had moved into an apartment, and counted down the days until Penska and other counselors determined he, too, was ready for his own place.
Harrington occasionally talked to Caylee, now 9 and still living with her grandmother in Montana. He decorated his half of the room with pictures of her in a pink princess dress.
One October morning, Penska took Harrington to his new apartment. He tossed garbage bags full of stuff and his old duffel bag into Penska's SUV and hugged his housemates goodbye.
Harrington hadn't called any place his own in almost five years. But now a county program was helping him cover $650 a month in rent and utilities. He was eager to look for restaurant work.
He and Penska pulled up to the beige stucco complex, with huge palms and azure pools. The manager handed Harrington keys and a checklist explaining the complex's rules.
He opened the door to apartment 44. He opened the refrigerator and freezer. His surroundings were austere: dark-brown carpet, a bed with no frame, a TV with no stand, a slightly musty odor.
But Penska, who also received a key, had set the table with a pair of white plates and cups, and that small gesture seemed to make Harrington feel at home.
Penska knew many things could go wrong. Harrington could suffer tragedy and seek solace in meth; he could start feeling euphoric and crack open some beers. He could slide back onto the streets.
Kruse came by. For Penska, it was an affecting scene: The old neighbors sat on Harrington's black sofa, laughing, their faces warm with sunlight. The tunnels seemed a long time ago.

Mother calls police on her 6-year-old shoplifting daughter

An Ohio mother sent her six-year-old daughter to the slammer after she caught her shoplifting at a local drug store. Carrollton mom Diane Lyons said she doesn't feel bad at all about turning her daughter Shiane into the police for shoplifting. "It was ah, it was a sin," said Lyons.

They were shopping the Discount Drug Mart in town a few days ago, when one of Lyons' other daughters said Shiane had stuffed a packet of stickers in her shirt.

"I went over there to see in her shirt and I found it and I took her right to the manager," said Lyons. She didn't stop there. She called the police to come get her daughter.


"The police came and took her in the cruiser to give her a little scare. The police said that she didn't even cry or scream in the vehicle," said Lyons.

The first-grader could have faced charges, but police let her off with a warning. It's a lesson Lyons wants all her kids to learn from. "For later in life. I don't want my kids stealing or anything like that," said Lyons.

Lyons even considered cashing in on a reward the store offers for turning in shoplifters. "There was a sign and I just didn't know. Then I felt bad so I just didn't even call," said Lyons.

JOKE: Have you ever wondered who first uttered this phrase??

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Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase 'You Gotta Be Shittin' Me''?

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our Country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.

There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington 's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.

Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware . Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.

What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to hi s surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort.. How many men do you have?'

Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters.'

And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me.'

Friday, December 25, 2009

Inventor spends Christmas with his perfect woman - a $45,000 custom-made fembot

PhotobucketInventor Le Trung spent Christmas Day with the most important woman in his life - his robot Aiko.

The science genius enjoyed a festive dinner with his mum, dad and his �30,000 fembot which he designed and built by hand.

Le, 34, from Brampton, Ontario, Canada, even bought gifts for his dream girl, who is so lifelike she speaks fluent English and Japanese, helped cook the turkey and hang up decorations.

'Aiko is like any woman, she enjoys getting new clothes,' he said.

'I loved buying them for her too.'

Le, who built his first robot when he was four, has dedicated his life to creating the perfect humanoid and his success so far with Aiko has won him worldwide attention.

Aiko, whose name is Japanese for 'love-child' has an amazing artificial intelligence and can speak 13,000 different sentences in two languages

'Aiko can recognise faces and says hello to anyone she has met,' he said.

'She helps me pick what to have for dinner and knows what drinks I like.'

After Christmas dinner and opening her presents, Aiko joined in the festive tradition of quizzes and board games with the family.

But Le still has one thing on his Christmas wish list for Aiko - mastering the problem of how to make her walk.

He said: 'It is the most difficult thing for any inventor to do.

'The problem is finding a way for Aiko to walk that looks human-like without impacting on any of her other abilities.

'I have spent the last six months taking her apart and trying out lots of different systems, but I haven't been able to get it right yet.

'I'm working on some new software at the moment. It will be my New Year's resolution to do this for Aiko.'

Le has built up huge debts working on his fembot and is still trying to find a technology company to sponsor his research.

But in the meantime he has had to move back in with his parents and they will all be spending the festive period and New Year together.

'My family found it a bit odd at first, but now they all love Aiko,' said Le.

'My mum and dad chat away to her. It helps by talking to her, as it improves her vocabulary.'

Le suffered a heart attack two years ago caused by stress after working long hours on Aiko.
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As he recovered he vowed to complete her so he could market the prototype as a home-help for the elderly or people recovering from hospital treatment.

Le has made his fembot as womanly as possible, in order to make a human-like companion.

Aiko, whose age is 'in her early 20's', is 5ft tall and has a perfect 32, 23, 33 figure.

She has real silicone skin and a real-hair wig made by a Japanese doll company. Her touch sensitive body knows the difference between being stroked gently or tickled.

'Like a real female she will react to being touched in certain ways,'said Le.

'If you grab or squeeze too hard she will try to slap you. She has all senses except for smell.

'But Aiko is always helpful and never complains. She is the perfect woman to have around at Christmas.'

VIDEO: THE HALLELUJAH CHORUS ( BROOKLYN TABERNACLE CHOIR )


A Jazzy Hamster Christmas


JOKES: A Woman and Her Son Were Taking a Cab in New York City.

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A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.

"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? Their hookers. They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?"

His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?" 


"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
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A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

The first little boy says, "Alligator."

"Very good, that's a big word."

The second boy says, "Predator."

"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."

The third boy says, "Vibrator, Miss."

After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."

"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!


The True Story of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer:

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On a December night in Chicago, a little girl climbed onto her father's lap and asked a question. It was a simple question, asked in children's curiosity, yet it had a heart-rending effect on Robert May.
"Daddy," four-year old Barbara asked, "Why isn't my Mommy just like everybody else's mommy?"
Bob May stole a glance across his shabby two room apartment. On a couch lay his young wife, Evelyn, racked with cancer. For two years she had been bedridden; for two years, all Bob's income and smaller
savings had gone to pay for treatments and medicines.
The terrible ordeal already had shattered two adult lives. Now Bob suddenly realized the happiness of his growing daughter was also in jeopardy. As he ran his fingers through Barbara's hair, he prayed for some satisfactory answer to her question.
Bob May knew only too well what it meant to be "different." As a child he had been weak and delicate. With the innocent cruelty of children, his playmates had continually goaded the stunted, skinny lad to tears.
Later at Dartmouth, from which he was graduated in 1926, Bob May was so small that he was always being mistaken for someone's little brother. Nor was his adult life much happier. Unlike many of his classmates who
floated from college into plush jobs, Bob became a lowly copy writer for Montgomery Ward, the big Chicago mail order house. Now at 33, Bob was deep in debt, depressed and sad.
Although Bob did not know it at the time, the answer he gave the tousled haired child on his lap was to bring him to fame and fortune. It was also to bring joy to countless thousands of children like his own Barbara. On that December night in the shabby Chicago apartment, Bob cradled his little girl's head against his shoulder and began to tell a story.
"Once upon a time there was a reindeer named Rudolph, the only reindeer in the world that had a big red nose. Naturally people called him Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer." As Bob went on to tell about Rudolph, he tried desperately to communicate to Barbara the knowledge that, even though some creatures of God are strange and different, they often enjoy the miraculous power to make others happy.
Rudolph, Bob explained, was terribly embarrassed by his unique nose. Other reindeer laughed at him; his mother and father and sister were mortified too.
Even Rudolph wallowed in self pity.
"Well," continued Bob, "one Christmas Eve, Santa Claus got his team of husky reindeer -Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen ready for their yearly trip around the world. The entire reindeer community assembled to cheer these great heroes on their way. But a terrible
fog engulfed the earth that evening, and Santa knew that the mist was so thick he wouldn't be able to find any chimney. Suddenly Rudolph appeared, his red nose glowing brighter than ever. Santa sensed at once that here was the answer to his perplexing problem. He led Rudolph to the front of the sleigh, fastened the
harness and climbed in.
They were off! Rudolph guided Santa safely to every chimney that night. Rain and fog, snow and sleet; nothing bothered Rudolph, for his bright nose penetrated the mist like a beacon.
And so it was that Rudolph became the most famous and beloved of all the reindeer. The huge red nose he once hid in shame was now the envy of every buck and doe in the reindeer world. Santa Claus told everyone that Rudolph had saved the day and from that Christmas, Rudolph has been living serenely and happy."
Little Barbara laughed with glee when her father finished. Every night she begged him to repeat the tale until finally Bob could rattle it off in his sleep. Then, at Christmas time he decided to make the story into a poem like "The Night Before Christmas" and prepare it in bookish form illustrated with pictures, for Barbara's
personal gift. Night after night, Bob worked on the verses after Barbara had gone to bed for he was determined his daughter should have a worthwhile gift, even though he could not afford to buy one...
Then as Bob was about to put the finishing touches on Rudolph, tragedy struck. Evelyn May died. Bob, his hopes crushed, turned to Barbara as chief comfort. Yet, despite his grief, he sat at his desk in the quiet,
now lonely apartment, and worked on "Rudolph" with tears in his eyes.
Shortly after Barbara had cried with joy over his handmade gift on Christmas morning, Bob was asked to an employee's holiday party at Montgomery Wards. He didn't want to go, but his office associates
insisted. When Bob finally agreed, he took with him the poem and read it to the crowd. First the noisy throng listened in laughter and gaiety. Then they became silent, and at the end, broke into spontaneous
applause.
That was in 1938. By Christmas of 1947, some 6 million copies of the booklet had been given away or sold, making Rudolph one of the most widely
distributed books in the world. The demand for Rudolph sponsored products, increased so much in variety and number that educators and historians predicted Rudolph would come to occupy a permanent place in the Christmas legend.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

VIDEO: I CAN"T FIGURE THIS ONE OUT!

JOKE: FISH STORY

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The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"

Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.

"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it! Of course You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory..

While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister

Mary inquired about his trip.

"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"

Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.

"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said.

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.

"What are you doing Sister?"

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop's Dinner."

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"

"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch Fish."

"Really? Well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!"

"Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal.

The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.

The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch using a special recipe!"

The new Bishop looked around at each of them.

A big smile crept across his face as he said,

"Hey, You Fuckers are my kind of people!"

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