JOKE: Two gay men decide to have a baby

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the gays' delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Brad exclaims. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy."

The nurse says, "He's happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his a$$."

Expert says small condoms should be labelled as large

Small condoms should be labelled "large" because men are sensitive about size, a study has found. The study by researchers in the US said that men needed to be encouraged to get the right sized condom and called on condom makers to deal with the delicate question of penis size.

Bill Yarber, of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction in Indiana, said that widespread pornography may have distorted the male self-image, making it harder for some men to accept that they have a less than large penis.

"The old saying is, women don't have penis envy, men do," he said.

He called on condom makers to rename their smallest size "large", and then move on to "extra large" for medium size and so on. "Certainly, don't label them as large, medium or extra small," he said.

JOKE: A Gay Couple is Out Driving

A gay couple is driving along one afternoon, and while stopped at a stop sign, they are rear-ended by a big semi.

Furiously, the guy in the passenger side throws his purse on the seat, gets out of the car, goes back to the truck and starts banging on the door. The truck driver opens the door and the gay guy standing there with his hands on his hips says, "I'm gonna sue your ass, Buddy!"

The truck driver laughs and says, "Blow me!" The gay guy stands there for a second, then his eyes get really big and his face lights up. He runs back to the car and says excitedly to his lover, "You won't believe this! He wants to settle out of court!"

SNOW USE: AND YOU THINK YOU GOT SNOW?!

Camel Tow: Business Is a "Snatch" for Towing Company With Quirky Name

Mike Christopher is the 45-year-old entrepreneur of Camel Towing.

How did you come up with the name Camel Towing?

Christopher: A buddy of mine from high school and I have been talking about this for ten years. Finally, we were sitting around drinking one night and I said, 'What the hell, I'm going to do it!' Now, in thirteen weeks, I've gone from not having a penny to my name to having one tow truck and now three trucks. I'm just a dumb ass who worked as a teamster truck driver for 25 years until I got hurt on the job three years ago. I don't know why other people haven't come up with this idea. They're just too ball-less to do it, I guess.

So it takes balls to be a Camel Tow?

You got that right. People love it. We've got our own Facebook page. The other day I'm driving down the highway and this guy sees my truck and he whips a U-turn and follows me all the way to my shop. It's Tony Twist (former St. Louis Blues player). He shook my hand and said it was the greatest name he ever heard of.

Do you offer any discounts?

We already offer the cheapest rates in town -- $45 hookup fee and $3 a mile. But I'm thinking of running a promotion for ladies where I give them a ten percent discount if they show me their camel toe. But be careful ladies. If you've got a moose-knuckle, I charge a 25 percent surcharge.

Moose-knuckle?

That's a fat girl with a camel toe. No one wants to see that!

And you'll make the call?

My god, yes. The worst thing that could happen is I drive around town and have pretty ladies show me their cooch. What the hell? Hey, dude, I'm a sick fuck. I don't care. If you want to be a bear, be a grizzly. Fuck it. Go for it. We also offer another special.

Uhm, what's that?

If you drink too much at the bar I'll come pick you and your car up and drive you home. I'll even take two of your friends -- cause the most I can have in my cab is four people. And I'll do that for $75 for up to 10 miles. Tell me, how come I'm the only dumb ass to come up with that idea? I offer this service with fourteen bars. They love me. I'm like John Ratzenberger (or George Wendt) when I walk into the bar. Instead of saying 'Norm!' they scream 'Camel Tow!'

I see online that there are several other towing companies in the nation that go by Camel Tow or a similar name. Are you a franchise. Or do you hoe the road all by your lonesome?

I'm on my own. I've got it incorporated in Missouri. But, yeah, there are four other states that have a Camel Towing or something like it. Way I see it, that leaves 45 other states I need to lock down.

The back of your business cards read: "We come lickety split." Are you talking towing here or something else?

Absolutely. There are a million of them I could use. Call us if you're in a hairy situation, a tight jam, a pinch, a slippery spot. We'll pull you out. I could go on and on. Hell, I should have worked for Hallmark.

Can I have a photographer contact you for a photo?

Yeah, but I'd have to wash my truck first. It's filthy and no one wants to see a dirty Camel Tow. Tell you what, check out my website and Facebook. There are a ton of photos there. This is all about name recognition. Before now you might have had someone else in mind for towing. But now I guarantee you are going to think of Camel Tow next time you need a tow. You can't not think of Camel Tow!

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/dailyrft/2010/02/camel_towing_st_louis.php?page=1

JOKE: a young lady decided that she wanted to get rich quick

A knockout young lady decided that she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73-year-old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed.

When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover his 12-inch erection, and he was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose plugs. Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"

The old man replied, "There are just two things I can't stand - The sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"

JOKE: An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S.

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American Foods (french fries, cheeses, anchovies, etc.), and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and time again Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you bastard son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul. "White man sit on well."

MY CAPTION FOR THIS PHOTO..GOT ONE TO ADD?

BECAUSE CHINA IS CLOSER THAT YOU THINK

You Could Be a Redneck If You..Get Married at Bass Pro Shop

Couples wed, renew vows at Bass Pro Shops

Bass Pro Shops hosted "Will You Marry Me?" wedding ceremonies Saturday at the Savannah Georgia Mall.

The couples that wed included Melissa and Brandon Davis, the contest's grand prize winners, along side of Greg and Connie Burdeshaw and Kevin and Tonia Fadden.

Morning radio co-hosts Country 106.9 Mike Miller and Laura Anderson stood as best man and matron of honor, as family and friends circled around the couples who wed in front of the huge bass tank in Bass Pro Shops. The ceremony also included live music from local artist Michelle Aspen.

As the contest winners, Melissa and Brandon Davis received a wedding package that included wedding bands, wedding cake, a romantic dinner on the Savannah waterfront, a honeymoon night at a Savannah hotel and more, according to Country 106.9.

COMPUTER PROBLEM..MOUSE JAMMED IN PRINTER

Caller : Hi, our printer is not working.

Customer Service: What is wrong with it?

Caller : Mouse is jammed.

Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don't have a mouse you fool!

Caller: Mmmmm??.. Oh really?... I will send a picture.