JOKE: the Hooker and the Lawyer

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.   "May I help you?" she asked.  "I want to see Valerie," the man replied.  "Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.  "No. I must see Valerie," he replied.   Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit.   Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.   The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.   Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row -- too expensive -- and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000.   Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.   The following night the man was there yet again.   Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.   After their session, Valerie questioned the man "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.  The man replied, " Wellington "  "Really" she said. "I have family in Wellington."  "I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."   The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:   1. Death  2. Taxes  3. Being screwed by a lawyer 

Florida man admits in federal job interview to owning child porn.."it's a hobby"

Authorities have arrested a Miramar man on charges he had child pornography on his computer, something police say the man admitted during a job interview with U.S. Customs and Border Protection.

Efe Moniedafe, 27, was being held Thursday at the Broward County Main Jail on seven counts of possession of child pornography. He was arrested Wednesday, and bond was set at $50,000.

Moniedafe told U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials about the pornography during a polygraph test that all prospective employees must take.

Authorities used that information to launch an investigation and on Oct. 5 conducted a search at Moniedafe's home, the station reported. At the home, authorities said they collected two computers and found pornographic images and videos featuring children.

Monidafe allegedly told investigators that collecting child porn was a "hobby" that he found "fun".

Crocodile On Plane Caused Crash..20 Dead

A small airliner crashed into a house, killing a British pilot and 19 others after a crocodile smuggled into the aircraft in a sports bag escaped and started a panic. The plane came down despite no apparent mechanical problems during an internal flight in the Democratic Republic of Congo. It has now emerged that the crash was caused by the concealed reptile escaping and causing a stampede in the cabin, throwing the aircraft off-balance.

A lone survivor apparently relayed the bizarre tale to investigators. The crocodile survived the crash, only to be dispatched with a blow from a machete. Danny Philemotte, the Belgian pilot and 62-year-old owner of the plane's operator, Filair, struggled in vain with the controls, with Chris Wilson, his 39-year-old First Officer from Shurdington, near Cheltenham, Glocs.

The plane was on a routine flight from the capital, Kinshasa, to the regional airport at Bandundu when the incident unfolded, on August 25. It crashed into a house just a few hundred feet from its destination. The occupants of the property were outside at the time. According to the inquiry report and the testimony of the only survivor, the crash happened because of a panic sparked by the escape of a crocodile hidden in a sports bag.

One of the passengers had hidden the animal, which he planned to sell, in a big sports bag, from which the reptile escaped as the plane began its descent into Bandundu. A report of the incident said: "The terrified air hostess hurried towards the cockpit, followed by the passengers." The plane was then sent off-balance "despite the desperate efforts of the pilot", said the report.

Dog prefers to walk on two legs

A pet dog has become a local celebrity in China because he prefers to walk upright on his back legs. Zhou Guanshun, the 18-month-old dog's owner, of Zhumadian, Henan Province, taught his pet to walk on two legs by holding one of its front paws.

"Lu Lu was given to us by a friend and we loved him instantly," he said. "He learnt to walk upright when he was just four months old, and hasn't stopped ever since then."

Zhou, a retired teacher, said that Lu Lu now spends most of his time standing upright on his back legs. Even when he rests, he prefers to squat on his back legs while keeping his body upright and his front legs off the ground.

Each morning, Zhou takes Lu Lu to the nearby Century Square for a walk, where Lu Lu is a celebrity among the morning exercisers who all love him and bring him snacks.

Woman drove around with corpse for nearly a year

Authorities say a woman drove around with a mummified corpse for about ten months before the body was discovered by police. Officers made the gruesome discovery on Monday while responding to a report of an illegally parked car. Police say the woman tried to cover the remains with pieces of clothing. The car was blocking a driveway in the 2000 block of Tustin Avenue in Costa Mesa.

Officers could smell a foul odour coming from the car, and after seeing a leg underneath the clothing, broke a window to get access inside. Inside the car, officers also found a box of baking soda that the driver used to try to dissipate the smell. Costa Mesa police believe the body is that a transient woman in her 50's from Fountain Valley.

The driver of the car says she befriended the woman at a local park and allowed her to sleep in the car overnight. When she found the woman had died, she continued to drive the car with the body, said Sgt. Ed Everett. The driver told police she was afraid to contact police about the body, so she continued to drive the car.

An autopsy has revealed no obvious signs of foul play. Officials believe the woman had been dead for as long as 10 months, Everett said. The lack of air inside the vehicle, and weather conditions at the time of death, are believed to have contributed to partial preservation of the body.

VIDEO: a vending machine that sells live crabs

The latest thing to be packaged into food vending machines could give customers a nasty bite: live crabs. Shanghai Hairy Crabs are being sold straight from machines outside subway stations in Nanjing, China.

The crabs are kept in individual plastic containers at temperatures of 5�C, which puts the crabs into a state of hibernation.

Any unlucky customers who happen to buy a dead crab will be reimbursed with three live crabs for free. The crabs reportedly are 30 per cent cheaper than those sold in stores, with vending machines asking anything from $1.50 to $7.50 each, depending on size.

The Chinese man who came up with the idea said he will set-up more live crab vending machines in Japan if there is demand for it.

Ukrainian parkour dog

Le Parkour, primarily considered a philosophy, includes the physical practice of traversing elements in both urban and rural settings. The goal is to move from one point to another as quickly and efficiently as possible. This discipline was created in France, Sarcelles, in Smooth and Evry by David Belle, S�bastien Foucan, and the founding members of the Yamakasi. It is inspired by "the natural method of physical education" by Georges H�bert. It was then spread worldwide by films, television reports, and amateur videos on the Internet.

The technique of parkour is also used and perfected by the French army and proves increasingly useful in the army.

VIDEO: Mr. Moose..Up Close and Personal

VIDEO: Elastic Woman

Indonesia seeks jail for Muslim cleric who 'married' girl, 12

Indonesian prosecutors on Thursday demanded a wealthy Muslim cleric who took a 12-year-old girl as his unofficial wife be convicted of sexually abusing a child and given six years in prison. Pujiono Cahyo Widiyanto, 45, from the Central Java city of Semarang, sparked nationwide controversy over his decision to marry poor village girl Lutfiana Ulfa.

"We recommend six years prison for him. He has been proven legally as being sexually abusive towards women, especially towards this underage person," prosecutor Suningsih, who goes by one name, said. "As the owner of a religious school he doesn't set a good example," she said.

Widiyanto, also known as Sheikh Puji, married Ulfa in August 2008. He had defended the unofficial marriage, his second, saying that the girl had reached puberty.

Widiyanto previously said his actions were acceptable under Islam but critics said he should abide by state law, which sets 16 as the minimum age for marriage. Indonesian law has harsh penalties for pedophilia, but unregistered and therefore unofficial marriages between older men and under-age girls are common in rural areas.