JOKE:"I don't know you, you don't know me, we don't know anyone here, and they don't know us

A young man checked into a hotel late one rainy night and the innkeeper gave him the only remaining room. A few hours later, a beautiful girl came to the hotel and also wanted a room. The innkeeper told her, "I have no more rooms, but the last man who checked in seemed nice enough. I suppose you could share his room." She agreed, went to his room, and the man agreed to let her sleep in his chair. After a while, she tapped the man on the shoulder and said, "Look, I don't know you, you don't know me, we don't know anyone here, and they don't know us... so is it all right if I sleep on your couch?" "Sure," the man said. A little while later, she asked him, "Look, I don't know you, you don't know me, we don't know anyone here, and they don't know us... so is it all right if I get under the covers with you?" "Sure!" said the man. A few minutes later, she whispered, "Look, I don't know you, you don't know me, we don't know them, and they don't know us... so how about if we have a party?" "Look," the man replied, "I don't know you, you don't know me, we don't know them, and they don't know us... so who are we going to invite?!"

Video: Bulletproof Vest Demonstration Fail

VIDEO: ~Train Crash~

Good Manners Rewarded: Filipino wins lottery after woman in line pushes ahead of him

Good manners have paid dividends for a man in the Philippines who won 741m pesos ($17m: �10.5m) in a lottery.

An official for the national lottery said the father-of-three was next in a queue to buy a ticket when a woman rudely pushed in ahead of him.

He graciously let her go ahead, and in turn he bought the winning ticket, choosing "lucky pick" numbers.

He is believed to be a Filipino in his sixties, living in the US, who was back in the Philippines visiting family.

The lottery agency has a policy of keeping the names of winners secret, partly to protect them from kidnap attempts.

When the draw was made on 29 November, nobody had won the lottery since 15 May.

The prize money had accumulated over 86 consecutive draws to become the country's biggest ever jackpot and millions of people bought tickets.

The winner beat odds of one in nearly 29m.

But the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office (PCSO) says he forgot to check the lottery numbers for a week and when he realised he had won, his response was gracious.

"When he won, he kept thinking: how sad for that woman. She could have won the big prize if she had just been patient," PCSO chair, Margie Juico told AFP.

JOKE: Three American pilots were captured

Three American pilots were captured by Germans in WW2. Hoping to crack them and learn what they knew, their captors made them stand at attention, turn their heads from side to side and say, "Tick, tock, tick, tock," over and over. After three hours of this, one pilot cracked and signed anything they put in front of him. After four hours, the second pilot cracked and confessed to things he did not do. But the third pilot vowed not to give up. He turned his head to one side and said only, "Tick... tick... tick..." The German officer in charge said to him, "You Americans thinks you iss so schmart! But I tell you: vee haf vays to make you TOCK!"

VIDEO: Seen PIZZA GIRL yet?

NY Nun Busted For Embezzling Nearly $1 Million

A Catholic nun who ran a suburban New York City college's finances embezzled more than $850,000 and spent it on herself, federal prosecutors said Friday. The U.S. attorney in Manhattan said Sister Marie Thornton used Iona College funds for her personal expenses from 1999 to 2009. As vice president of finance, she submitted false invoices and had Iona pay her credit card bills, the complaint said. It did not detail her expenses.

Thornton, 62, was arrested Thursday and pleaded not guilty in federal court in Manhattan. She was allowed to remain free. Her attorney, Sanford Talkin, said Friday, "I expect us to reach a resolution that all sides will think is fair."

Thornton's religious order, the Sisters of St. Joseph, said Thornton had been recalled and her activities had been restricted. It said she has been ordered to cooperate with investigators and is being given "emotional and spiritual support."

Iona reported a theft last year but did not publicly identify a suspect.

In a statement Friday, still not naming Thornton, the college said, "When it was discovered that the funds had been misappropriated, we took immediate action to terminate the employee."

It said the theft had been investigated and new procedures implemented.

"Today, we have a new CFO and staff in place; we have recovered the majority of the missing funds; and, from the College's perspective, the matter is considered closed," the statement said.

Iona, named for an island monastery off the Scottish coast, was founded in 1940 and has about 4,200 students. Its main campus is in New Rochelle, 15 miles from Manhattan.

Ikea gives bicycles to its 12,400 US workers

There was an early holiday present for 12,400 Ikea employees in the United States Tuesday morning.

Bicycles for all.

The brand was not disclosed, nor the cost - after all, it is a gift - but the bicycles were made specifically for Ikea employees, to thank them for "great results and great team work," said company spokeswoman Mona Liss.

"It has been a good year for Ikea US (and Ikea Global as well)," Liss wrote in an e-mail. Ikea's U.S. headquarters is in Conshohocken.

Giving employees bicycles also "supports a healthy lifestyle and everyday sustainable transport," she said.

The silver bikes have a yellow, white and blue stripe, and are all-terrain and unisex.

They don't have the Ikea logo, however, because "we don't want people to think we manufacture bicycles," Liss said.

Employee - Ikea calls them "coworkers" - Luz J. Morales of Philadelphia called the gift "completely unexpected."

Coworkers with whom Morales talked were also taken by surprise by the bicycle.

"It's such a cool gift, and ties in with our tagline of being 'the life-improvement store,' " said Morales, who plans to use it for recreation primarily, riding it in Valley Green and even taking it to Kelly Drive.

Morales wasn't a biker before, "but I am now."

For anyone who owns something Ikea, the answer to the obvious question - is assembly required? - is, "Yes."

"Flat-packed, of course, the 'Ikea way,' Liss said, adding that the bike is easy to assemble - one wheel has to be put on as well as the seat, handle bars and pedals.

"We have been told it takes more time to get out the bike and parts out of the box than to assemble the bike," she said.

By the way, in Sweden, it is called a "cykel."

Hospital tells man he is pregnant, maybe with twins

A Birmingham, England man was left "flabbergasted" after a hospital told him he was pregnant - and could be expecting twins. Hilton Plettell received a letter inviting him for a scan at the ante-natal department of Norfolk and Norwich University NHS Hospital, to find out how far pregnant he was.

The 50-year-old merchandising manager was asked to attend with a full bladder - standard practice for ultrasound scans - and told that "sometimes it can show twins". Mr Plettell, who has never had children, said: "I was absolutely flabbergasted.

"It just came out of the blue. I have seen the funny side of it and all my mates are enjoying ribbing me about it. The letter had my correct name, date of birth and National Insurance number so I knew it was genuine and it turns out to be a genuine mistake."

The blunder comes 20 years after Mr Plettell had treatment for kidney stones at the East Anglia hospital - where a senior nurse has now issued him an apology. She blamed a clerical error and promised to improve procedures in the future.

German police seize marijuana Christmas tree

A two-metre (six-foot) marijuana plant decorated as a Christmas tree was confiscated from the home of "an old hippie", who is now facing a drug possession charge, German police said on Wednesday.

In a tongue-in-cheek press release titled "All you need is love or how a hippie celebrates Christmas," police in the western city of Koblenz said they discovered the giant plant in the living room of the suspect.

"The two-metre-tall marijuana plant had been put in a Christmas tree stand and decorated with a string of lights," the police said.

"When asked, the hashish fan told the perplexed officers that he had intended to add more decorations to the 'tree' and place the presents under it, according to tradition." Police seized the plant and another 150 grams (5.3 ounces) of marijuana found in the apartment.