►WHIRLED GNUS◄

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun - and fun a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.

VIDEO: Jimmy Kimmel Pranks Kid With Fake Lie Detector Test

VIDEO: Border Collie Herding Tigers

Solo the Border Collie grew up with Siberian tigers at The Seaview Lion Park in Port Elizabeth, South Africa. With no sheep to round up, the dog started herding tigers, hyenas and jackals instead.

Train driver adopts baby owl he saved from railway tracks

When train driver Guo Zuchun saw a family of baby owls perching on the tracks ahead of him, he could hardly believe his eyes. "They were so small I almost didn't see them," said Gho, who was taking power station workers to their plant in Chongqing city in southern China.

"But I slammed on the brakes and when we went to look there were three baby owls hopping around on the rails." Wildlife experts believe the little owl chicks' nest had been destroyed in a storm leaving the youngsters, then still too small to fly, stranded.

Two were given to a local wildlife centre to be raised, but Guo was allowed to keep one as a pet. Now the young owl thinks his new life is a hoot, says Gou.

"I take him to work every day and he sits on the dashboard in front of me having a good look at what's going on around us," he said. "He seems to like riding the train more than he likes flying," laughed Gou.

Friday, June 15, 2012

VIDEO: Welcome to Earth [HD]

If I Had Balls, They'd Be Bigger Than Your's

JOKE: YOU GO GIRL

The Secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for awhile, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?"

Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, "My lawyer."

An Unlicensed, Uninsured Teen Going 100 MPH Hit A Moose With A Cadillac

An unlicensed Montana teen was going 100 miles per hour when he reportedly hit a moose in Idaho's Silver Valley yesterday. To make matters worse, his whole family was in the car with him: two five-year-olds and three adults with suspended licenses who were all riding in the backseat.

It gets worse.

The whole thing was utterly ridiculous, the kind of stuff you can't make up. The moose was decapitated, and when its head came off, it flew into the car and head-butted one of the five-year-olds. The child suffered a fractured skull and had to have a plate put in at the hospital.

Not disgusted enough? The driver's guardian is on parole and wasn't supposed to leave the state. The Cadillac, which was pretty much destroyed in the crash, wasn't insured, so paying for the all of the medical and legal fees will most likely be challenging. Ryan Comesatnight, the car's 14-year-old driver, faces charges for driving without a license. The rest seems to be punishment enough.

The group had made it nearly 300 miles from Great Falls, Mont. when the crash happened. They were almost at their destination: the Coeur d'Alene Casino. What a disaster.