JOKE: JOKE: The Scotsman and the Frenchman

One morning a Scotsman is having breakfast in Paris, (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and marmalade) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Scotsman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: 'You Scots folk eat the whole bread?'

Scotsman (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'

Frenchman (after blowing a huge bubble): 'We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Scotland.' The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Scotsman listens in silence..

The Frenchman persists: 'Do you eat marmalade with your bread?'

Scotsman: 'Of course.'

Frenchman (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling): 'We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into marmalade, and sell the marmalade to Scotland.'

After a moment of silence, the Scotsman asks: 'Do you have sex in France?'

Frenchman: 'Why of course we do', he says with a big smirk.

Scotsman: 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'

Frenchman: 'We throw them away, of course.'

Scotsman: 'We don't. In Scotland, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France..'

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JOKE: Osama and the Genie

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a

bottle on the sand and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female Genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said,

'Master, may I grant you one wish?'

Osama responded, 'You ignorant, unworthy Daughter-of-a-dog!

Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me

anything.'

The shocked Genie said, 'Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be

returned to that bottle forever.'

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the

woman and said, 'Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in

the morning.

So just do it and be off with you.'

The annoyed Genie said, 'So be it!' and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya

Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side.

His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health

insurance.

God is Good

VIDEO: YouTube Challenge - Hey Jimmy Kimmel, I Sprayed My Dad With a Hose

Part 1

Part 2

JOKE: Pastor Fuzz

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.

"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"

"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had to much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.

After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar!"

The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."

The bartender nodded, "Hell then, if you're that far in, you might as well finish up."

JOKE: A slice is a terrible thing

A panic-stricken golfer called the clubhouse from his cell phone. "Help! I hit a terrible slice off the seventh tee. My ball went out of bounds and hit a man riding a motorcycle who lost control and swerved into the path of a truck. The truck jackknifed and rolled over, spilling a load of beehives, releasing millions of bees. They're stinging everyone on the course! It's awful! What should I do?"

The pro answered, "Well, first, keep your arms straight and get your right hand more under the club..."

CLASSIC VIDEO: Patches the Burger Chomping Horse

I've seen this one so many times..it's one of a very few that I never grow tired of..come to think of it, I've got one more .. lol 

listening to kids laugh is almost as good as this crazy dog

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