JOKE: #### 25 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK ####

01. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

02. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

03. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

04. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it is hard to pronounce.

05. I am really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

06. Ah. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

07. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

08. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

09. Does everyone visualize duct tape over your mouth so early into the conversation.

10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about your being competent.

11. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

12. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

13. What am I? ...Flypaper for freaks?

14. And your cry baby, whiny butt opinion would be?

15. Do I LOOK like a people person?

16. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

17. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

18. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

19. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

20. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

21. Interesting perfume. Must you marinate in it?

22. God loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

23. How about never? Is never good for you?

24. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

25. CHAOS, PANIC, & DISORDER - my work here is done.

GOT CAPTION? 9/18

VIDEO: This Sheep is a Scream

VIDEO: Funny dancing falling Silo

"The story was that we thought about saving the roof for the kids to play in but had no way to get it down so we just decided to knock it down and well as you can see the roof was saved!!!!!I If you would like to see the unedited video here is the link to the unedited video of the funny dancing falling silo."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qck-CoERnM0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Dog stands guard over deceased owner’s grave for six years

An extremely dedicated dog has continued to show its loyalty, keeping watch on its owner's grave six years after he passed away.
Capitan, a German shepherd, reportedly ran away from home after its owner, Miguel Guzman, died in 2006. A week later, the Guzman family found the dog sitting by his grave in central Argentina.
 Miguel Guzman adopted Capitan in 2005 as a gift for his teenage son, Damian. And for the past six years, Capitan has continued to stand guard at Miguel's grave. The family says the dog rarely leaves the site.
 "We searched for him, but he had vanished," widow Veronica Guzman told LaVoz.com. "We thought he must have got run over and died.
 'The following Sunday we went to the cemetery, and Damian recognized his pet. Capitan came up to us, barking and wailing as if he were crying."
 Adding to the unusual circumstances, Veronica says the family never brought Capitan to the cemetery before he was discovered there.
 "It is a mystery how he managed to find the place," she said.
Cemetery director Hector Baccega says he and his staff have begun feeding and taking care of Capitan.
 "He turned up here one day, all on his own, and started wandering all around the cemetery until he eventually found the tomb of his master," Baccega said.
 "During the day he sometimes has a walk around the cemetery, but always rushes back to the grave. And every day, at six o'clock sharp, he lies down on top of the grave, stays there all night."
 But the Guzman family hasn't abandoned Capitan. Damian says the family has tried to bring Capitan home several times but that he always returns to the cemetery on his own.
 "I think he's going to be there until he dies, too. He's looking after my dad," he said.

VIDEO: Hilarious Dogs in Boots Compilation

JOKE: The Jewish daughter

A Jewish daughter says, "mother I'm divorcing Irv.

All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.

My vagina is now the size of a 50 cent piece

when it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece."

Her mother says,

"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman,

you live in an 8 bedroom mansion

you drive a $650,000 Ferrari,

you get $5,000 a week allowance,

you take 6 vacations a year and

you want to throw all that away...

Over 45 cents?"

GOT CAPTION? 9/13

JOKE: Baked Beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the

supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.

Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"

She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak.

At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.

Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

GOT CAPTION? 9/10