REAL NICE MOTHER LOL

A Fredericksburg mother charged with abandoning her 10-year-old daughter on the side of the road earlier this month is facing new charges.

This time, authorities say, she is charged with endangering her infant son.

Spotsylvania Sheriff's Lt. Liz Scott said Deputy Jason Morris made a traffic stop on a 2006 Chrysler Sebring in the area of Mudd Tavern Road and Mallard Road around 5:30 p.m. Sunday.

The car was being driven by 30-year-old Tara Dawn Biller of Oak Court, Scott said.

After an investigation, Biller was charged with driving under the influence of drugs, child endangerment, possession of Oxycontin, possession of a stolen vehicle, possession of drug paraphernalia and driving on a suspended license.

Scott said Biller's infant son was found in the back seat of the vehicle, seated in a child safety seat, but was not buckled in. The child was turned over to a family friend.

The car Biller was driving belonged to her boyfriend who said he did not know she had taken the vehicle, Scott said.

About three weeks ago, Biller was charged with felony child endangerment, driving while intoxicated, driving on a suspended license and refusing to take a breath test after police said she drove her vehicle into a ditch and left her terrified 10-year-old daughter at the accident scene.

Dog Befriends One-Legged Chicken

VIDEO: CUTE ROCK 'N DOGS

JOKE: A Blonde Went Into a .........

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.

Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.

The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.

" Come in and close the door" the man said.

She did.

He then said "Now get on your knees."

She did.

"Now take down my zipper."

She did.

"Now go ahead ... take it out....." He said.

She reached in and grabbed it with both hands .

Then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered ..

"Well ... go ahead then."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, ....
tentatively said ...."Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"

JOKE: the New Year's Gift

Sally was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to George, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'

'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered George smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, George approached Sally and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: The Meaning of Dreams.

HD TRAILER: AVATAR..HAVE YOU SEEN IT YET??? AMAZING!!!!!!

Cops: Driver Had .708 Blood Alcohol Content

South Dakota woman narrowly misses topping U.S. intoxication record

DECEMBER 30--Meet Marguerite Engle. The South Dakota woman recorded a mind-boggling .708 blood alcohol content after being arrested earlier this month when a state trooper found her passed out behind the wheel of a stolen truck. But while Engle, 45, was nearly nine times over the state's .08 legal limit, she fell just short of the U.S intoxication record. That mark was set last year by an Oregon woman--also found comatose behind the wheel--who registered a .72 BAC. Engle's whopping BAC was measured by a Rapid City Police Department chemist who tested a blood sample drawn from Engle (a copy of a court affidavit sworn by chemist Jessica Lichty can be found here).

Engle is pictured above in a mug shot taken earlier this year after she was arrested for assaulting a government employee and being intoxicated and disruptive. Engle was named in a two-count South Dakota Magistrate Court indictment charging her with driving under the influence and driving with a BAC beyond the .08 limit. A traffic ticket issued to Engle notes that she "bonded out-hospitalized" after being collared in Sturgis just before noon on December 1. Engle is also facing charges in connection with her possession of the stolen vehicle.

2009: A strange year in Florida

The Associated Press

TALLAHASSEE - You know you're living in a weird state when the governor promotes a pay-per-minute sex chat line.

Or when a congressman asks the House speaker to move a day's worth of votes so he can watch a college football game.

Or when employees at not just one, not two, but three state prisons use stun guns on their kids as part of "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day."

That's Florida, once again making people snicker at its dumb criminals, strange animals and all-around oddness.

Gov. Charlie Crist was embarrassed when an on-hold recording he made transposed two numbers for an uninsured child helpline and callers instead were led to "horny" girls willing to talk about anything for just $2.99 a minute.

It wasn't the only odd moment in politics. Rep. Cliff Stearns asked Speaker Nancy Pelosi to basically shut down Congress early so he and some of the Florida and Oklahoma House guys could go watch their teams in the national championship game. She said no.

Candidates for local offices were also embarrassed in 2009. A Miami Beach mayoral candidate was disqualified from the race after his qualifying check bounced, and a minister running for Belle Glade City Commission was charged with swinging a bat at a woman outside a polling place. He lost the election.

Two 8-year-old Alachua County boys made better use of their baseball bats - they successfully fought off a man armed with a gun who was threatening to kill the mother of one of the boys.

Among other parents and children making odd news, a North Miami woman was arrested after leaving her 2- and 14-year-old grandchildren in the car while she went into a casino to gamble, and Hillsborough County deputies charged a 21-year-old Tampa woman with leaving her 4-month-old son in a hot car while she burglarized a home.

At least a Stuart woman had the commonsense not to leave her kids in the car during her crime spree. She stayed in the car with her 2- and 5-year-old children while acting as a getaway driver during two armed robberies.

Alcohol seems to lead to a lot of Florida's oddest stories.

Tampa police arrested a man who let his 12-year-old son drive his SUV so he could drink in the passenger seat.

A Marion County man was charged with driving under the influence after crashing a stolen riding lawnmower into a school bus.

A 22-year-old South Florida man climbed aboard a locomotive with a friend and took it seven miles down the tracks for a joy ride. They came up with the idea while heading to a local bar.

A Clearwater man was charged with drunk driving after police pulled him over for driving a car with only three tires.

Pasco County deputies arrested two men they said were fighting over $3 in gas money on the way home from a strip club. The weapons involved: a fish tank and a beer bottle.

A Bay County man arrested for shoplifting had a request for deputies: let him drink the beer he stole. He became combative when they refused.

A Marion County deputy pulled over a naked man riding a motorcycle. Turns out the cyclist was drunk.

He was one of many naked people in the news.

A naked 21-year-old man covered in feces was arrested in Martin County after jumping into a neighbor's pool. A Clearwater woman knocked on a stranger's door in the middle of the night asking for cigarettes. She was naked.

A naked 91-year-old Lake Worth man held a 26-year-old burglar at gunpoint until police arrived.

Another burglar trying to rob an elderly man wasn't so lucky. The 24-year-old broke in to a Liberty County home waving a toy gun and was shot and killed by an 82-year-old homeowner with the real thing.

A Fort Pierce man was charged with stealing $22 worth of aluminum cans from a scrap yard and then returning the next day to try to sell them back. A man tried stealing a live ferret in Jacksonville Beach by stuffing it down his pants. A Dade City man was charged with stealing 19 packages of deodorant to pay off a drug debt.

Usually this works in reverse, but a man was caught trying to break INTO the Brevard County jail he was released from the week before.

Two men wandering through a Deltona neighborhood asked a deputy for a ride home. The deputy said sure, but only after he could search them. They said sure, and the deputy found cell phones, GPS devices and a box of strawberry-flavored Pop Tarts stolen from neighborhood cars.

Crime and food intersected a few times in Florida this past year. Volusia County authorities arrested a 19-year-old after his mother said he threw a taco at her for unplugging his video game system. A Dunnellon woman was arrested after allegedly hitting a man in the head with a raw steak after he refused a piece of sliced bread. A Gainesville father was arrested for allegedly hitting his daughter with a pizza slice when she wouldn't turn off a computer. A Port St. Lucie man was arrested for rubbing a hamburger in his wife's face after she poured a soda on it.

A Palm Beach pizza shop owner was charged with pistol-whipping two men who complained about their calzone.

Reptiles in the news included a 5-foot alligator that escaped during a Panama City elementary school's show-and-tell. A Land O'Lakes man was bit on the hand when he reached under his car for his dog and found an alligator instead.

Wildlife officers found two alligators being held captive in a Tallahassee apartment. They also found drugs out in plain view after the tenants let them in.

Another house call made by wildlife officers turned up the body of a black bear struck and killed on Interstate 4. Two men retrieved the roadkill, took it home and butchered it.

Two men carried a 6-foot shark around Miami and tried selling it to fish markets. After they failed, they left it lying in the middle of a downtown street.

A Tampa police officer used a Taser to subdue a pit pill that chased a chicken into a woman's home. A Mossy Head woman trying to corral an emu was flown to a hospital after the giant flightless bird clawed her.

A Martin County man accused of downloading child pornography blamed the crime on a cat jumping on his computer keyboard.

The Fort Myers Beach town manager was fired after the town council learned he married a porn star. The Brooksville city council voted to require city employees to wear underwear. A 55-year-old Tallahassee man often seen riding a bicycle in a thong was arrested for indecent exposure.

Tampa police say a man repeatedly called 911 looking for sex because it was the only number he could dial after running out of cell phone minutes.

That was one of many bizarre 911 calls.

A Panama City Beach man called 911 and reported he was robbed of $100 only to admit later that he lied because he was afraid to tell his wife he spent the money. A man called 911 from a Boynton Beach pay phone several times and complained he couldn't find his keys. An 18-year-old in Tampa called 911 looking for a ride.

And perhaps the funniest emergency call of the year, a Fort Pierce woman called 911 three times after McDonald's employees told her they were out of Chicken McNuggets.

A woman has told authorities she made bomb threats to Miami International Airport because she didn't want her boss to miss a flight.

In other random stories:

A Lakeland eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus after farting to make other students laugh and badly stinking up the bus.

A Melbourne-area woman changed diapers for a man who was faking disabilities. The man, whom she met through Craigslist, paid her $600 a week for the services. It took her three months to figure out he wasn't disabled.

The University of Florida's disaster recovery plan included a section on dealing with zombies.

DeLand authorities said a man strangled a pet rat after accusing his wife of taking his last cigarette and a Jensen Beach man was arrested after drenching his wife with a hose for smoking in the house.

A woman sitting on a toilet in a Tampa restroom dropped her gun, which discharged and shot a woman sitting in another stall.

Bank of America in Tampa refused to cash a check for a man born without arms because he couldn't provide a thumbprint.

And finally, some readers might recall that a costumed Tigger was acquitted of charges he groped women at Disney World a few years ago. This year a 60-year-old man was convicted of groping Minnie Mouse at the same theme park.

VIDEO: JAY LENO DRIVING A HOT MERCEDES AROUND HOLLYWOOD

Drunk Airline Pilot

VIDEO: Blond Nymphomaniac of a Bus

Catching up with the Flip-Flop Man

ST. PETERSBURG - The Flip-Flop Man is a legend in west-central Florida. Yet very few people know his name or anything about him other than his affection for flimsy rubber sandals.

Flip-Flop Man lacks an automobile or driver's license, but he is surprisingly mobile. He lives in Madeira Beach, near the center of Pinellas County, but folks frequently see him miles away in Gulfport, Seminole, Clearwater, Dunedin, Tarpon Springs, Tampa, Brooksville and far beyond.

On sunny days his ensemble includes an enormous sombrero and a long-sleeved shirt buttoned at the neck so that the tails fly behind him like a cape when he runs. On overcast days, he goes bareheaded and bare-chested, sticks to plaid boxers and, if he is feeling especially debonair, carries a cane or walking stick.

People encounter Flip-Flop Man at high noon and at midnight. If they happen to be out at 4 a.m. the moonlight might illuminate, not a pink elephant floating across the highway, but the Flip-Flop Man out for a wee-hour ramble.

The Flip-Flop Man is a garrulous fellow with salt-and-pepper hair and a scruffy beard. Many women describe him as "handsome," even though he often smells like a sweaty locker room and long ago lost all of his teeth from eating sugar.

Ironman triathlon champion Jackie Yost, 78, often sees him during her training runs. "He has beautiful legs," she says.

The Flip-Flop Man has a muscular 5-foot-10-inch frame and seems to lack any body fat whatsoever. In a normal week, he runs or walks 125 miles - 6,500 miles in a year. In 1995, what he calls his best year, he flip-flopped about 33 miles a day, approximately 230 miles a week, 12,000 miles in all - equal to a trip from St. Petersburg to Athens, Greece, and back.

He is 62 years old.

"He must have the constitution of Superman," says marathoner Bill Castleman.

A typical day lasts eight hours, though sometimes, when he can't sleep - the Flip-Flop Man deals with more demons than most of us - he flip-flops 20 hours.

One time he asked his friend Lisa Lorrain a question that continues to haunt her:

"Are you happy?" he said. "I have never been happy."

- - -

The Flip-Flop Man raced into Joe Burgasser's world about two decades ago. Burgasser, 68, a renowned athlete himself, is founder of the Forerunners, a long-distance running club. Two afternoons a week he conducts grueling practices at St. Petersburg Catholic High School's running track, where his athletes sprint at top speed for a quarter mile, jog for a quarter mile, then repeat the process until they poop out.

One day in 1990 a new runner caught Burgasser's eye. The new guy, hard to miss, had shaved the front half of his skull and was wearing flip-flops.

At 4:30 p.m. the first group of Burgasser's hard-core runners arrived. The new guy joined them, running effortlessly, never falling behind some of the fastest, most competitive athletes in Florida.

Burgasser's gasping charges finished their workout. Then another group began running their intervals. The new guy joined them, and joined every new group for the next two hours, running at a 5-minute mile pace during the sprints.

The new guy identified himself as Larry Perrier.

Folks delighted in his strange company. Some also wondered if their ears were going to fall off: Flip-Flop's tongue, as it jumped from topic to topic, was as fast as his feet.

After a few months, club members brought the new guy their old $100 Nikes and Reeboks. He took the shoes home and tried to modify them into something resembling flip-flops. After a while he told his new friends, "Thank you, but I don't need charity."

Burgasser, running on the Pinellas Trail a few months later, encountered an unhappy Larry.

"What's wrong?" Burgasser asked.

"I am having trouble with my flip-flops," Larry said.

Burgasser thought, "Of course you are. We gave you running shoes but you prefer flip-flops with no padding. Your feet must be killing you."

"It's winter," Larry explained. "Kmart doesn't sell flip-flops in the winter. I'm running out of flip-flops."

- - -

Over the years I have seen the Flip-Flop Man dozens of times while riding my bike on the 35-mile-long Pinellas Trail. A few weeks ago I stopped and introduced myself.

"I don't know if I want to talk to the media," he said politely. "You know, I think I ought to demur because part of me is really private. But on the other hand, everybody knows me anyway, and for years I have sort of been working to build up my legend."

So here's the story of how Larry Perrier became the celebrated, talkative, irrepressible Flip-Flop Man.

He was born in the South Bronx on May 15, 1945. When he was a boy, his mother developed multiple sclerosis and took to the bed that would be prison for the rest of her life.

As she deteriorated, his father quit work to care for her. He found it impossible to also care for a boy who suffered from what today we might call attention deficit disorder.

"I think about that. . . . My mother couldn't move from bed, and here I am walking and running day and night," Larry told me. "That must mean something."

He grew up in seven foster homes, quit school in ninth grade, enlisted in the Army, left the Army, and found it almost impossible to hold onto a job. He has lived with a kindly woman - "my old lady," he calls Blanche Tucker fondly - for three decades. She supports the two of them as a nurse.

"I have always been different," he told me as I pushed my bike alongside him. But he didn't tell me why at first. He was off on another topic - doctors. "I don't go to them. Oh, I'll go to the doctor if I have to, like when I had a hernia, and they took care of it, though I didn't follow their advice - they said to rest for a while - but I was back running in a few days and then developed another hernia. Now you're going to ask me if I wear a truss. I don't believe in trusses.

"What was I saying?"

About being different.

"One time I hitchhiked across the country barefoot. Then I discovered flip-flops. Flip-flops are almost like being barefoot. I used to buy them at the dollar store. Now I get them for five bucks at Kmart. Sometimes when I know I'm going to do a long day I'll hide flip-flops on the trail in advance just in case one of them breaks."

What's a long day?

"Fifty miles is a long day, though I'm older, I'm not as strong, I don't do as many long days. One time I walked to Brooksville. I think that must be 70 miles to Brooksville. I ended up somehow running in a forest and these guys came up and said, 'What are you doing running out here during hunting season?' I think they were trying to scare me, but they were hunting deer and maybe I could have gotten shot by accident."

That would have ruined a nice run.

"Over by Tyrone Boulevard, these young kids on bikes rode up to rob me. At lunchtime. Noon. One guy says 'Give it up!' and even though I didn't have much money I tried to talk my way out of it, and one took out a knife, and I wasn't going to run, no, I wasn't going to show them I was scared, so I sat on a bench and held my ground, but then I got nervous and I started running, jumped into a ditch and lost a flip-flop and had to walk home to Madeira Beach with one flip-flop. But I was lucky, I stopped to talk to this old guy who gave me a rag to wrap around the other foot so the pavement wouldn't burn it."

What about lightning?

"When it's your time to die, you will die."

I had lots of questions about his diet.

"Well, I eat a lot of sugar for energy. I keep a bag by my bed. That's what rotted my teeth. Now I have to eat soft things, food out of cans. People tell me, 'That isn't enough,' but it seems to work.

"In the winter I like to put on a little weight for warmth and energy. Right now I weigh 148 pounds but my winter weight is higher. I eat cheese and chocolate. I have to be careful, though, because of my, you know, addictive personality. If I buy a gallon of ice cream I'll eat the whole gallon in a day."

Some people try to soothe emotional pain with food, shopping, television, computer games, sex, gambling, tobacco, cocaine, religion. For years, the Flip-Flop Man's drug of choice was alcohol. After his last booze-related dustup with the law, in 1989, he is proud to say, "I quit drinking."

To cope with his demons he started walking, jogging, running and sprinting instead.

A shrink might have told him "Larry, you're substituting one addiction for another. Work on your problems."

But he didn't go to a shrink. Doesn't believe in shrinks. He believes in the power of flip-flops.

VIDEO: ESCAPE FROM JO'BURG

VIDEO: HILARIOUS CANDID CAMERA

WEIRD INVENTIONS 2009

Burned or underdone toast could soon be a thing of the past thanks to a new glass toaster that lets you see your bread as it browns A Chinese man called Mr Bi has trained his cat to use his toilet. He spent seven years inventing the gadgets that allow his pet to flush away her mess. He now plans to sell his contraption to other cat owners A model demonstrates Triumph's "make-the-putt bra", which turns into a putting mat for the busy golfing woman. The garment has slots in which to store tees on either sides of the cups when worn and can roll out into a smooth putting mat A child demonstrates the PediSedate, which gently sedates youngsters by administering anaesthetic nitrous oxide gas through a headset as they play handheld consoles What better way to discourage bear attacks when camping in the woods than to make them think you've already been eaten by another bear? Artist EIko Ishizawa has created this sleeping bag for a warm and safe night's sleep The Amphicoach, an amphibious 50-seater luxury coach, is used in Malta. It is capable of 70mph on land and eight knots across water

JOKE: JEWISH CHRISTMAS

As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas.
She called on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?", she asked.
Patrick addressed the class,
"Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings.
Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our Toys".
"Very nice Patrick", she said.
"Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"
"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum And Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late.We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings.
We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."
Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class
and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year.
Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory.
When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing
'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'.
Then we all go to the Bahamas."

JOKE: A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding

A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding.

As the cop is writing up the ticket, the guy asks, "Can you arrest me for calling you a filthy name?"

"Yes" replies the cop.

He then asks, "Can you arrest me for thinking something?"

"No" replies the cop.

"Well then," says the man, "I think you're an asshole".

VIDEO: THIS CAT..ANGRY OR HAPPY?

VIDEO: This Is Weird..A Cadbury Commercial

Man Trashes Church Because He Was Paid By Check..Not Cash

SPOKANE -- An angry church member caused a lot of destruction at a North Spokane Church early Tuesday morning.

The Spokane County Sheriff's Department says the dispute was over a $70 electric repair bill. That bill apparently sparked a tirade overnight.

The suspect, Mark Heitman, allegedly used his truck to ram the Country Crossroads Christian Church at 7011 North Altamont. That was his last stop, but before doing that, he went on a rampage at the church pastor's home.

That pastor, Dan Eubank, told us Heitman went to his home first and broke out windows in his truck before heading to the church.

Eubank said that he believes Heitman was upset over repair work he had done for the church.

"He'd done work on the church and we paid him with a check not cash, I didn't have cash and he got mad," said Eubank.

Heitman rammed the church building several times with his truck, apparently trying to get in. When he did break in, he reportedly broke nearly every window, television and computer screen, and most of the lighting fixtures. He also allegedly smashed the church instruments, and even crushed the toilets. Damages are estimated at tens of thousands of dollars.

Sheriff's deputies say they found Heitman at Auto Masters on North Nevada. A friend working at the shop said Heitman was crying and felt terrible for what he'd done to the church, and that he was planning on turning himself in.

Country Crossroads Christian Church has a congregation of about 120 people and has been serving the community for over 15 years. Pastor Eubank is waiting on the insurance to assess the situation to get his church up and running again.

Heitman is being charged with second degree burglary and malicious mischief.

JOKE: "Wash. Biol. Surv."

The inscription on the metal bands used by the United States Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed.

The small metal bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, which was abbreviated: "Wash. Biol. Surv." until recently when the agency received a letter from an Arkansas outdoorsman.

The letter read: "Dear sirs, While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag, and I want to tell you, it was horrible."

The bands are now marked "Fish and Wildlife Service."

JOKE: A hunter was out enjoying a nice morning

A hunter was out enjoying a nice morning in the woods when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged ... shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor, who said, "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the Chicago Symphony. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eyes!"

TOUCHING SONG OF A BOY AND HIS DOG CALLED STAINS

WOW..THIS IS COOL BUT VERY DIFFERENT

Ballon Bass And Box Jam - Watch more Funny Videos

Las Vegas man emerges from tunnels to resume life in the sunshine

Beneath the flashy Strip and the vast suburbs of the arid Las Vegas Valley are hundreds of miles of flood-control tunnels thought to shelter about 300 lost souls.
LAS VEGAS — He lived in the shadows, if you could call it living.
For nearly four years, Glenn Harrington spent most days foraging for money, smoking marijuana and methamphetamine and searching for a place to crash: a buddy's couch, a deck chair at the Tropicana pool, behind a sign. Last year, after police busted him and a friend at the sign, a homeless guy directed them to the tunnels.
Beneath the flashy Strip and the vast suburbs of the arid Las Vegas Valley are hundreds of miles of flood-control tunnels thought to shelter about 300 lost souls.
The pitch-black passages stay dry most of the year but are a breeding ground for mosquitoes and, where shallow pools of water collect, even crayfish. They reek of sodden trash and urine.
But a person can disappear in the tunnels. And Harrington wanted to disappear.

Steve and Kathryn, who gave no last name, rest in their queen-size bed in one of the tunnel system's more elaborate encampments. They have rebuffed offers of assistance.

So, he and his friend Thomas Kruse last fall headed to a culvert that leads into the tunnels. They slumbered outside for a few nights. They plied the handful of tunnel residents with weed and, eventually, were given the OK to move in.
Harrington paid two guys $20 each to lug a red leather sofa from a nearby apartment complex into an offshoot of the main corridor, nicknamed the Caesars tunnel. His new neighbors included a couple who had hauled in a studio apartment's worth of furniture.
Harrington, 44, is a slight, affable man with brown eyes, receding dark hair and a nervous laugh. The youngest in a family of eight children from Buffalo, N.Y., he joined his mom and a sister in Vegas almost three decades ago. He worked at casinos and once was an assistant food and beverage manager. He had a girlfriend and a daughter, Caylee, and liked the desert's ceaseless sunshine.
But the relationship was tempestuous. For years, Harrington had taken and quit jobs — and occasionally left town — on a whim. He often ended up on the sofa of a sister, playing the kind uncle to her children and pleading for money, then vanishing.
He says his girlfriend, also wrestling with addictions, left him and their daughter; her mother eventually took Caylee, then 3, back to Montana. He fought for custody, but lost, and returned to Vegas a woeful man. He started blowing money on drugs and slot machines and ended up on the streets.
Other tunnel residents tell similar stories, if they share them at all. A tacit code in the tunnels: Your past sins may remain unspoken.


Glenn Harrington left tunnel life with the help of the nonprofit HELP of Southern Nevada. Here, he was preparing to move to a subsidized apartment.
Harrington slept fitfully in the surroundings, wracked by fears: surging stormwater, bugs inching across his face, a fellow itinerant stealing the black duffel bag containing his only change of clothes. He soon was squabbling with neighbors.
Book opened eyes
A few years back, a book about the storm-drain society caught the attention of homeless-outreach workers at the nonprofit HELP of Southern Nevada. The group intensified its efforts in March, when former corrections officer Rich Penska and others armed with flashlights and offers of housing and medical help began heading underground several times a month.
They repeatedly visited the Caesars tunnel and chatted with Steve and Kathryn, an amiable couple who had survived there for more than a year. They showed off their living quarters: a hotel-size bed, a flowered bedspread, sheets swiped from a laundry service. Dean Koontz books. Perfume bottles. Discarded tickets for shows Kathryn dreamed of seeing.
The pleas to Steve and Kathryn pinged off the walls, but Harrington listened.
A plea for help
Duffel bag in hand, he planted himself outside the Caesars tunnel on a sweltering June day. His neighbors had been mocking him: Was he too good for the tunnels?
Days earlier, he had approached Penska. Get me out of here, Harrington had begged.
Penska, 49, and the father of two adult sons, also grew up in Buffalo. He sized up Harrington, who swore he wasn't using drugs. Penska assumed — correctly — that was bunk, but that didn't mean the plea wasn't sincere.
Harrington's friend Kruse, 52, recently had accepted help from the group after getting sloshed, falling down a hill and breaking his ankle. Another man from the Caesars tunnel also had moved out. Penska realized Harrington was struggling more than Steve and Kathryn, who made subsistence living look oddly effortless. On top of that, the couple feared that Steve would be locked up on outstanding drug charges if they accepted housing. (That's why they asked that their last names not be used.)
Penska shuttled Harrington to a recovery facility, where he bunked with seven men and received intensive counseling.
As time passed and his head cleared, he started to catalog things his old neighbors were missing. A refrigerator. Old Spice deodorant. Hot food, hot showers, hot coffee. A sense of dignity.
He ultimately moved to a two-man room, occasionally visited Kruse, who had moved into an apartment, and counted down the days until Penska and other counselors determined he, too, was ready for his own place.
Harrington occasionally talked to Caylee, now 9 and still living with her grandmother in Montana. He decorated his half of the room with pictures of her in a pink princess dress.
One October morning, Penska took Harrington to his new apartment. He tossed garbage bags full of stuff and his old duffel bag into Penska's SUV and hugged his housemates goodbye.
Harrington hadn't called any place his own in almost five years. But now a county program was helping him cover $650 a month in rent and utilities. He was eager to look for restaurant work.
He and Penska pulled up to the beige stucco complex, with huge palms and azure pools. The manager handed Harrington keys and a checklist explaining the complex's rules.
He opened the door to apartment 44. He opened the refrigerator and freezer. His surroundings were austere: dark-brown carpet, a bed with no frame, a TV with no stand, a slightly musty odor.
But Penska, who also received a key, had set the table with a pair of white plates and cups, and that small gesture seemed to make Harrington feel at home.
Penska knew many things could go wrong. Harrington could suffer tragedy and seek solace in meth; he could start feeling euphoric and crack open some beers. He could slide back onto the streets.
Kruse came by. For Penska, it was an affecting scene: The old neighbors sat on Harrington's black sofa, laughing, their faces warm with sunlight. The tunnels seemed a long time ago.

Mother calls police on her 6-year-old shoplifting daughter

An Ohio mother sent her six-year-old daughter to the slammer after she caught her shoplifting at a local drug store. Carrollton mom Diane Lyons said she doesn't feel bad at all about turning her daughter Shiane into the police for shoplifting. "It was ah, it was a sin," said Lyons.

They were shopping the Discount Drug Mart in town a few days ago, when one of Lyons' other daughters said Shiane had stuffed a packet of stickers in her shirt.

"I went over there to see in her shirt and I found it and I took her right to the manager," said Lyons. She didn't stop there. She called the police to come get her daughter.

"The police came and took her in the cruiser to give her a little scare. The police said that she didn't even cry or scream in the vehicle," said Lyons.

The first-grader could have faced charges, but police let her off with a warning. It's a lesson Lyons wants all her kids to learn from. "For later in life. I don't want my kids stealing or anything like that," said Lyons.

Lyons even considered cashing in on a reward the store offers for turning in shoplifters. "There was a sign and I just didn't know. Then I felt bad so I just didn't even call," said Lyons.

JOKE: Have you ever wondered who first uttered this phrase??

Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase 'You Gotta Be Shittin' Me''?

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our Country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.

There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington 's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.

Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware . Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.

What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to hi s surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort.. How many men do you have?'

Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters.'

And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me.'

Inventor spends Christmas with his perfect woman - a $45,000 custom-made fembot

Inventor Le Trung spent Christmas Day with the most important woman in his life - his robot Aiko.

The science genius enjoyed a festive dinner with his mum, dad and his �30,000 fembot which he designed and built by hand.

Le, 34, from Brampton, Ontario, Canada, even bought gifts for his dream girl, who is so lifelike she speaks fluent English and Japanese, helped cook the turkey and hang up decorations.

'Aiko is like any woman, she enjoys getting new clothes,' he said.

'I loved buying them for her too.'

Le, who built his first robot when he was four, has dedicated his life to creating the perfect humanoid and his success so far with Aiko has won him worldwide attention.

Aiko, whose name is Japanese for 'love-child' has an amazing artificial intelligence and can speak 13,000 different sentences in two languages

'Aiko can recognise faces and says hello to anyone she has met,' he said.

'She helps me pick what to have for dinner and knows what drinks I like.'

After Christmas dinner and opening her presents, Aiko joined in the festive tradition of quizzes and board games with the family.

But Le still has one thing on his Christmas wish list for Aiko - mastering the problem of how to make her walk.

He said: 'It is the most difficult thing for any inventor to do.

'The problem is finding a way for Aiko to walk that looks human-like without impacting on any of her other abilities.

'I have spent the last six months taking her apart and trying out lots of different systems, but I haven't been able to get it right yet.

'I'm working on some new software at the moment. It will be my New Year's resolution to do this for Aiko.'

Le has built up huge debts working on his fembot and is still trying to find a technology company to sponsor his research.

But in the meantime he has had to move back in with his parents and they will all be spending the festive period and New Year together.

'My family found it a bit odd at first, but now they all love Aiko,' said Le.

'My mum and dad chat away to her. It helps by talking to her, as it improves her vocabulary.'

Le suffered a heart attack two years ago caused by stress after working long hours on Aiko.

As he recovered he vowed to complete her so he could market the prototype as a home-help for the elderly or people recovering from hospital treatment.

Le has made his fembot as womanly as possible, in order to make a human-like companion.

Aiko, whose age is 'in her early 20's', is 5ft tall and has a perfect 32, 23, 33 figure.

She has real silicone skin and a real-hair wig made by a Japanese doll company. Her touch sensitive body knows the difference between being stroked gently or tickled.

'Like a real female she will react to being touched in certain ways,'said Le.

'If you grab or squeeze too hard she will try to slap you. She has all senses except for smell.

'But Aiko is always helpful and never complains. She is the perfect woman to have around at Christmas.'

VIDEO: THE HALLELUJAH CHORUS ( BROOKLYN TABERNACLE CHOIR )

A Jazzy Hamster Christmas

JOKES: A Woman and Her Son Were Taking a Cab in New York City.

 
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.

"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? Their hookers. They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?"

His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?" 

"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

The first little boy says, "Alligator."

"Very good, that's a big word."

The second boy says, "Predator."

"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."

The third boy says, "Vibrator, Miss."

After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."

"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!

The True Story of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer:

On a December night in Chicago, a little girl climbed onto her father's lap and asked a question. It was a simple question, asked in children's curiosity, yet it had a heart-rending effect on Robert May.
"Daddy," four-year old Barbara asked, "Why isn't my Mommy just like everybody else's mommy?"
Bob May stole a glance across his shabby two room apartment. On a couch lay his young wife, Evelyn, racked with cancer. For two years she had been bedridden; for two years, all Bob's income and smaller
savings had gone to pay for treatments and medicines.
The terrible ordeal already had shattered two adult lives. Now Bob suddenly realized the happiness of his growing daughter was also in jeopardy. As he ran his fingers through Barbara's hair, he prayed for some satisfactory answer to her question.
Bob May knew only too well what it meant to be "different." As a child he had been weak and delicate. With the innocent cruelty of children, his playmates had continually goaded the stunted, skinny lad to tears.
Later at Dartmouth, from which he was graduated in 1926, Bob May was so small that he was always being mistaken for someone's little brother. Nor was his adult life much happier. Unlike many of his classmates who
floated from college into plush jobs, Bob became a lowly copy writer for Montgomery Ward, the big Chicago mail order house. Now at 33, Bob was deep in debt, depressed and sad.
Although Bob did not know it at the time, the answer he gave the tousled haired child on his lap was to bring him to fame and fortune. It was also to bring joy to countless thousands of children like his own Barbara. On that December night in the shabby Chicago apartment, Bob cradled his little girl's head against his shoulder and began to tell a story.
"Once upon a time there was a reindeer named Rudolph, the only reindeer in the world that had a big red nose. Naturally people called him Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer." As Bob went on to tell about Rudolph, he tried desperately to communicate to Barbara the knowledge that, even though some creatures of God are strange and different, they often enjoy the miraculous power to make others happy.
Rudolph, Bob explained, was terribly embarrassed by his unique nose. Other reindeer laughed at him; his mother and father and sister were mortified too.
Even Rudolph wallowed in self pity.
"Well," continued Bob, "one Christmas Eve, Santa Claus got his team of husky reindeer -Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen ready for their yearly trip around the world. The entire reindeer community assembled to cheer these great heroes on their way. But a terrible
fog engulfed the earth that evening, and Santa knew that the mist was so thick he wouldn't be able to find any chimney. Suddenly Rudolph appeared, his red nose glowing brighter than ever. Santa sensed at once that here was the answer to his perplexing problem. He led Rudolph to the front of the sleigh, fastened the
harness and climbed in.
They were off! Rudolph guided Santa safely to every chimney that night. Rain and fog, snow and sleet; nothing bothered Rudolph, for his bright nose penetrated the mist like a beacon.
And so it was that Rudolph became the most famous and beloved of all the reindeer. The huge red nose he once hid in shame was now the envy of every buck and doe in the reindeer world. Santa Claus told everyone that Rudolph had saved the day and from that Christmas, Rudolph has been living serenely and happy."
Little Barbara laughed with glee when her father finished. Every night she begged him to repeat the tale until finally Bob could rattle it off in his sleep. Then, at Christmas time he decided to make the story into a poem like "The Night Before Christmas" and prepare it in bookish form illustrated with pictures, for Barbara's
personal gift. Night after night, Bob worked on the verses after Barbara had gone to bed for he was determined his daughter should have a worthwhile gift, even though he could not afford to buy one...
Then as Bob was about to put the finishing touches on Rudolph, tragedy struck. Evelyn May died. Bob, his hopes crushed, turned to Barbara as chief comfort. Yet, despite his grief, he sat at his desk in the quiet,
now lonely apartment, and worked on "Rudolph" with tears in his eyes.
Shortly after Barbara had cried with joy over his handmade gift on Christmas morning, Bob was asked to an employee's holiday party at Montgomery Wards. He didn't want to go, but his office associates
insisted. When Bob finally agreed, he took with him the poem and read it to the crowd. First the noisy throng listened in laughter and gaiety. Then they became silent, and at the end, broke into spontaneous
applause.
That was in 1938. By Christmas of 1947, some 6 million copies of the booklet had been given away or sold, making Rudolph one of the most widely
distributed books in the world. The demand for Rudolph sponsored products, increased so much in variety and number that educators and historians predicted Rudolph would come to occupy a permanent place in the Christmas legend.

VIDEO: I CAN"T FIGURE THIS ONE OUT!

JOKE: FISH STORY

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"

Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.

"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it! Of course You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory..

While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister

Mary inquired about his trip.

"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"

Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.

"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said.

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.

"What are you doing Sister?"

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop's Dinner."

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"

"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch Fish."

"Really? Well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!"

"Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal.

The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.

The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch using a special recipe!"

The new Bishop looked around at each of them.

A big smile crept across his face as he said,

"Hey, You Fuckers are my kind of people!"