The Associated Press
TALLAHASSEE - You know you're living in a weird state when the governor promotes a pay-per-minute sex chat line.
Or when a congressman asks the House speaker to move a day's worth of votes so he can watch a college football game.
Or when employees at not just one, not two, but three state prisons use stun guns on their kids as part of "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day."
That's Florida, once again making people snicker at its dumb criminals, strange animals and all-around oddness.
Gov. Charlie Crist was embarrassed when an on-hold recording he made transposed two numbers for an uninsured child helpline and callers instead were led to "horny" girls willing to talk about anything for just $2.99 a minute.
It wasn't the only odd moment in politics. Rep. Cliff Stearns asked Speaker Nancy Pelosi to basically shut down Congress early so he and some of the Florida and Oklahoma House guys could go watch their teams in the national championship game. She said no.
Candidates for local offices were also embarrassed in 2009. A Miami Beach mayoral candidate was disqualified from the race after his qualifying check bounced, and a minister running for Belle Glade City Commission was charged with swinging a bat at a woman outside a polling place. He lost the election.
Two 8-year-old Alachua County boys made better use of their baseball bats - they successfully fought off a man armed with a gun who was threatening to kill the mother of one of the boys.
Among other parents and children making odd news, a North Miami woman was arrested after leaving her 2- and 14-year-old grandchildren in the car while she went into a casino to gamble, and Hillsborough County deputies charged a 21-year-old Tampa woman with leaving her 4-month-old son in a hot car while she burglarized a home.
At least a Stuart woman had the commonsense not to leave her kids in the car during her crime spree. She stayed in the car with her 2- and 5-year-old children while acting as a getaway driver during two armed robberies.
Alcohol seems to lead to a lot of Florida's oddest stories.
Tampa police arrested a man who let his 12-year-old son drive his SUV so he could drink in the passenger seat.
A Marion County man was charged with driving under the influence after crashing a stolen riding lawnmower into a school bus.
A 22-year-old South Florida man climbed aboard a locomotive with a friend and took it seven miles down the tracks for a joy ride. They came up with the idea while heading to a local bar.
A Clearwater man was charged with drunk driving after police pulled him over for driving a car with only three tires.
Pasco County deputies arrested two men they said were fighting over $3 in gas money on the way home from a strip club. The weapons involved: a fish tank and a beer bottle.
A Bay County man arrested for shoplifting had a request for deputies: let him drink the beer he stole. He became combative when they refused.
A Marion County deputy pulled over a naked man riding a motorcycle. Turns out the cyclist was drunk.
He was one of many naked people in the news.
A naked 21-year-old man covered in feces was arrested in Martin County after jumping into a neighbor's pool. A Clearwater woman knocked on a stranger's door in the middle of the night asking for cigarettes. She was naked.
A naked 91-year-old Lake Worth man held a 26-year-old burglar at gunpoint until police arrived.
Another burglar trying to rob an elderly man wasn't so lucky. The 24-year-old broke in to a Liberty County home waving a toy gun and was shot and killed by an 82-year-old homeowner with the real thing.
A Fort Pierce man was charged with stealing $22 worth of aluminum cans from a scrap yard and then returning the next day to try to sell them back. A man tried stealing a live ferret in Jacksonville Beach by stuffing it down his pants. A Dade City man was charged with stealing 19 packages of deodorant to pay off a drug debt.
Usually this works in reverse, but a man was caught trying to break INTO the Brevard County jail he was released from the week before.
Two men wandering through a Deltona neighborhood asked a deputy for a ride home. The deputy said sure, but only after he could search them. They said sure, and the deputy found cell phones, GPS devices and a box of strawberry-flavored Pop Tarts stolen from neighborhood cars.
Crime and food intersected a few times in Florida this past year. Volusia County authorities arrested a 19-year-old after his mother said he threw a taco at her for unplugging his video game system. A Dunnellon woman was arrested after allegedly hitting a man in the head with a raw steak after he refused a piece of sliced bread. A Gainesville father was arrested for allegedly hitting his daughter with a pizza slice when she wouldn't turn off a computer. A Port St. Lucie man was arrested for rubbing a hamburger in his wife's face after she poured a soda on it.
A Palm Beach pizza shop owner was charged with pistol-whipping two men who complained about their calzone.
Reptiles in the news included a 5-foot alligator that escaped during a Panama City elementary school's show-and-tell. A Land O'Lakes man was bit on the hand when he reached under his car for his dog and found an alligator instead.
Wildlife officers found two alligators being held captive in a Tallahassee apartment. They also found drugs out in plain view after the tenants let them in.
Another house call made by wildlife officers turned up the body of a black bear struck and killed on Interstate 4. Two men retrieved the roadkill, took it home and butchered it.
Two men carried a 6-foot shark around Miami and tried selling it to fish markets. After they failed, they left it lying in the middle of a downtown street.
A Tampa police officer used a Taser to subdue a pit pill that chased a chicken into a woman's home. A Mossy Head woman trying to corral an emu was flown to a hospital after the giant flightless bird clawed her.
A Martin County man accused of downloading child pornography blamed the crime on a cat jumping on his computer keyboard.
The Fort Myers Beach town manager was fired after the town council learned he married a porn star. The Brooksville city council voted to require city employees to wear underwear. A 55-year-old Tallahassee man often seen riding a bicycle in a thong was arrested for indecent exposure.
Tampa police say a man repeatedly called 911 looking for sex because it was the only number he could dial after running out of cell phone minutes.
That was one of many bizarre 911 calls.
A Panama City Beach man called 911 and reported he was robbed of $100 only to admit later that he lied because he was afraid to tell his wife he spent the money. A man called 911 from a Boynton Beach pay phone several times and complained he couldn't find his keys. An 18-year-old in Tampa called 911 looking for a ride.
And perhaps the funniest emergency call of the year, a Fort Pierce woman called 911 three times after McDonald's employees told her they were out of Chicken McNuggets.
A woman has told authorities she made bomb threats to Miami International Airport because she didn't want her boss to miss a flight.
In other random stories:
A Lakeland eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus after farting to make other students laugh and badly stinking up the bus.
A Melbourne-area woman changed diapers for a man who was faking disabilities. The man, whom she met through Craigslist, paid her $600 a week for the services. It took her three months to figure out he wasn't disabled.
The University of Florida's disaster recovery plan included a section on dealing with zombies.
DeLand authorities said a man strangled a pet rat after accusing his wife of taking his last cigarette and a Jensen Beach man was arrested after drenching his wife with a hose for smoking in the house.
A woman sitting on a toilet in a Tampa restroom dropped her gun, which discharged and shot a woman sitting in another stall.
Bank of America in Tampa refused to cash a check for a man born without arms because he couldn't provide a thumbprint.
And finally, some readers might recall that a costumed Tigger was acquitted of charges he groped women at Disney World a few years ago. This year a 60-year-old man was convicted of groping Minnie Mouse at the same theme park.
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