Jokes for Sunday

Labrador Retrievers

Three Labrador retrievers - chocolate, yellow, and black are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation.
The black lab turns to the chocolate and says, "So why are you here?"
The chocolate lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa,the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the chocolate lab. "All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything."
The black lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and
trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets.But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.
"Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected yellow lab said. Then the yellow lab turns to the black lab and asks what he's at the vet's office for.
I'm a humper," the black lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.
Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself I hopped on her back and started humping away."
The yellow and chocolate labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So, Prozac for you too, huh?"
The black lab says, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Michael standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy..

And said quietly, 'Good morning Michael. Good morning Pastor, he replied, still focused on the plaque. Pastor, what is this?

The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Michael's voice barely audible and trembling with fear asked

Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:30?

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the Midget in Pain

There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, so his friend finally suggested that he go to the doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem.

The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a
look. The midget dropped his pants.. The doctor put him up onto the examining table and started to examine him. The doc put one finger
under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for hernia.

Aha!" mumbled the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Ahhha!" said the doctor and
reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip,snip, snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The Doctor then told the midget to pull up his pants to see if they still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. "Gee, Doc, what did you do?" he asked.

The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots."