Mrs. Cohen has been suffering from arthritis. On the advice of her daughter-in-law, she goes to see Dr. Rubinstein, a specialist.
After a long visit, Dr. Rubinstein prescribes some medication and sends Mrs. Cohen on her way.
After a few weeks, Dr. Rubinstein calls Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answers, "So did my arthritis!"
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Roy Rothstein was a merchant well known for not paying his suppliers. After seeing him haggling intensely with one of those very suppliers, his friend Morton said to him, " Roy, why all the bargaining? You aren't going to pay the guy anyway."
Roy replied, "I like the guy. I want to keep down his losses." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sol Greenwood is retiring from the garment business, and leaving it to his son Stuart.
"It's all yours now son," Sol says. "I've made a good living. You know why? Because of two principles that I've always lived by: honestly and wisdom. Honesty is very important. If you promise the goods by the first of April, no matter what happens in the shop you've got to deliver them by the first of April."
"Sure Pop," Stuart says. "And what about wisdom?"
"Stuey the wisest thing you can do: don't make any promises."
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A poor man managed to get an appointment with a wealthy Jewish philanthropist by insisting that he had a foolproof way for the man to make 5 million dollars.
"So let me hear your great idea," said the philanthropist.
"It's very simple," replied the pauper. "I understand that when your daughter gets married you're planning on giving her a dowry of 10 million dollars."
"Nu," said the philanthropist.
"So, I've come to tell you that I'm willing marry her for half the amount!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. Safrin was out walking with her four year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
Mrs. Safrin took the item away from her.
"Why did you do that?" the girl asked.
"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs," she replied.
At this point, the girl looked at her mother with total admiration and asked:
"Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."
Thinking quickly she replied, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
They walked along in silence for a few minutes, the girl clearly pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."
"Exactly," Mrs. Safrin replied.
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A dry goods merchant from Lublin orders a consignment of goods from Warsaw. Instead of the goods however, he received a cable:
"Sorry, cannot fill order until previous order is paid for."
Regretfully, the merchant wires back: "Please cancel order. Can't wait that long."
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The captain of a Syrian Air Force transport flying over the Mediterranean sends out a MAYDAY message:
"This is Syrian Air Force # 174 announcing we have lost one engine and want to land at any airport in the Middle East other than Israel!"
No answer.
A while later he announces, "This is Syrian Air Force # 174 again. We have now lost two engines and need to land at any airport in the Middle East other than Israel!"
Silence.
A short while later the captain announces, "This is Syrian Air Force #174. We are desperate. We have now lost THREE engines an urgently ask permission to land at any airport in the Middle East other than Israel!"
Still no answer.
Finally the captain calls out, "Help! This is Syrian Air Force #174. We have only one engine left and it is rapidly failing. Unless we can land we are going to crash. We need permission to land at ANY airport in the Middle East INCLUDING Israel!"
Shortly thereafter, a voice is heard in the Syrian cockpit: "Shalom Syrian Air Force # 174. This is Tel Aviv approach control. We would like to help."
"Allah is praised," says the Syrian pilot. "Please give me instructions."
"Do you speak Hebrew?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact
that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.
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