This morning I was standing next to a very fat fellow at a urinal when suddenly, for no discernible reason, he confided in me that he "Hadn't seen his 'thing' in 15 years."
Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what to say and wanting to be helpful, I said,
"Why don't you diet?"
Giving me a surprised sideways stare, he said, "Dye it? WHAT COLOR IS IT NOW?"
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Joe asked his wilderness training instructor, "What's the most important thing to take on a solo hiking trip?" He responded, "Simple, Joe: a martini mixer, a stirrer, gin, vermouth, and olives." "What?" asked a bewildered Joe. "That's crazy!" The instructor continued, "Look, Joe, if you ever get lost and are all alone in the wilderness, just start to make yourself a martini. Within ten seconds, somebody will show up and say, "That's not how you make a martini!
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