VIDEO: This Horse Hates Chickens...I Think

This NY Teacher is Collecting $100,000 a Year for Nothing

A Queens NY teacher who collects a $100,000 salary for doing nothing spends time in a Department of Education "rubber room" working on his law practice and managing 12 real-estate properties worth an estimated $7.8 million, The Post found.

Alan Rosenfeld hasn't set foot in a classroom for nearly a decade since he was accused in 2001 of making lewd comments to junior-high girls and "staring at their butts," yet the department still pays him handsomely for sitting on his own butt seven hours a day.

In 2001, six eighth-graders at IS 347 in Queens accused Rosenfeld, a typing teacher who filled in for an absent dean, of making comments like "You have a sexy body," asking one whether she had a boyfriend and making others feel uncomfortable with creepy leers.

Because the Department of Education could not produce all the students as witnesses, he was found guilty in only one case. A girl testified that Rosenfeld stopped at her locker, where she was standing with a friend, and "said I love him because I talk to him so much."

A DOE hearing officer gave him a slap on the wrist -- a week off without pay -- for "conduct unbecoming a teacher." He was cleared to return to teaching.

Instead, Schools Chancellor Joel Klein has kept the scruffy 64-year-old in a Brooklyn rubber room, deeming him too dangerous to be near kids, officials said.

The DOE can't fire him.

"We have to abide by the union contract," spokeswoman Ann Forte said.

So Rosenfeld simply collects his $100,049 salary -- top scale for teachers -- plus full health benefits and the promise of a fat pension, about $82,000 a year if he were to retire today.

His pension will grow by $1,700 each year he remains. He could have retired at age 62, but he stays.

He has also accumulated about 435 unused sick days -- and will get paid for half of them when he retires.

With city teachers trying to negotiate a 4 percent pay hike, Rosenfeld stands to get the raise.

All this largesse comes as Mayor Bloomberg threatens to cut 2,500 teachers to help close a $4 billion budget gap.

Meanwhile, the multimillionaire Rosenfeld lords over the rubber room, where he is the oldest and most veteran of 100 teachers.

He reports promptly at 7:30 a.m. to the cavernous "reassignment center" on Chapel Street and spreads out at a table cluttered with used paper cups, plastic utensils, bags of food, news clippings and files.

He "smells like he hasn't taken a shower in months," an insider said.

A licensed attorney since 1973, Rosenfeld frequently talks on the phone to clients and other lawyers, insiders say.

"He's always working," one said.

City rules forbid staffers to conduct business on DOE time.

He refers to himself as "Dr. Rosenfeld" and often insults fellow teachers, calling them "losers" and "deadbeats."

He also doles out legal advice to his rubber roommates.

"He's very smart. He helps everybody in the room with their DOE cases and outside legal cases," a colleague said. "He doesn't charge them, but people buy him food, take him out to dinner."

Rosenfeld oversees a real-estate empire that includes family homes in Queens worth an estimated $7.8 million, according to city records.

The Post found he holds the deeds to 12 properties, mostly one-, two- and three-family homes in Forest Hills, Rego Park and Glen Oaks.

He co-owns a three-family brick home on 67th Road in Rego Park with a market value of $1 million, records show.

A $674,000, two-story building on Saunders Street in Rego Park is listed as his address and has a shingle outside marked "Alan M. Rosenfeld, Attorney at Law." A smaller shingle underneath reads, "Lic. Real Estate Broker."

After joining the DOE as a substitute 41 years ago in 1968, he went full time in 1970, teaching at several Queens elementary and middle schools until the 2001 charges.

The DOE responded to questions about Rosenfeld in a statement, saying Klein had ordered "a handful" of such teachers to stay out of classrooms because they posed a risk to kids.

"This is not an ideal system, but given the realities of cumbersome state laws and the union contract, we need to balance our obligation to safeguard children with our legal obligation of fairness to teachers," it reads

the Geezer Bandit Strikes Again!

The aging bank robber dubbed by the FBI as the Geezer Bandit has struck again, according to the FBI and the San Diego Police Department.

Wednesday's robbery of a San Diego National Bank in Point Loma was the sixth robbery attributed to the same robber in the last six months.

The robber presented a demand note and flashed a silver-and-black semiautomatic weapon, the FBI said. The bandit is described as a white man about 60 to 70 years old.

The robberies have occurred over a broad area, including Rancho Santa Fe, La Jolla (twice), Santee and the Carmel Mountain neighborhood.

A $16,000 reward is being offered for the arrest and conviction of the robber.

VIDEO: Cliff Clavin on Jeopardy

JOKE:Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look, Michael, look what I,ve made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I,ve put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?", inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hotspot.

Over there I,ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different � continents.

"This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land mass and said, What's that?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Florida, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and climate. The people from Florida are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God?" You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm sending them from the North every winter!

Family Dog Saves Children from Deadly Snake

Zena the staffordshire terrier is being hailed a hero after saving her three young Australian owners from a menacing tiger snake.

Zena the warrior dog leapt to the defence of the Schultz children Brendan 7, Jared, 6, and Sarah, 3 stopping the deadly reptile from sliding through an open screen door into the rumpus room where the children were eating their dinner at about 6.30pm on Tuesday.

The siblings' screams of terror on seeing the snake soon turned to tears and cries for help to save their pooch at their Bannockburn home.But Zena's lightning-fast reflexes snapped the snake's spine , preventing it from striking and killing the much-loved pet.

"It was terrifying," mother Patricia said. "I walked into the rumpus room to ask the kids if they wanted anything else to eat and this snake was making its way along the screen door towards the opening.

"The children saw it at the same time. I screamed, the kids screamed and Zena came from no where. She was amazing.

"She gave it one quick snap and then continued to struggle with it. It was barely moving after Zena had let go, so my husband was able to finish it off with the rake."

SCARY: Boy Steals Gun Then Shoots Neighbor's Dog for Barking

He's accused of stealing a rifle from one neighbor and then using it to shoot another neighbor's dog. And he's only eleven years old.

Spotsylvania Virginia County Sheriff's Department was called to investigate the shooting of a German Sheppard on Monday. The dog's owner told deputies he heard a gunshot and went to investigate.

He found his dog on the front porch bleeding with a wound to the neck. The home is located off a private road in a rural part of the county, and deputies say they have never responded to a complaint in that area before.

Investigators spent the day talking with other neighbors, some who say they heard the shot, while animal control officers rushed the dog to a nearby veterinarian clinic.

Later that evening, one of the neighbors who had said she had heard the gunshot, called the Sheriff's Department to report finding a rifle in her backyard.

When deputies arrived she told them she had already questioned her eleven year old son who admitted to her he shot the dog because it had been keeping him awake at night.

JOKE: the Funeral

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'

Relentless Woman Fights For 14 Cents Owed

LIVERMORE, CA

You've heard it said before "it isn't about the money, it's about the principle. Here's a story that proves that.

Janet Maitland is nothing if not a good telephone services consumer. Back about a decade ago, she got her long distance phone service through Costco. It was called TTI and it offered a smoking deal.

"They offered a deal where it was 5.4 cents a minute and they broke it down into 6-second increments, so we are talking little tiny bills here. I've got one here that is for 2 cents," she said.

She had put $5 on account and nearly a decade later, she still has 14 cents left. But then out of nowhere, that 14 cents disappeared. She called several times and was told the money would be sent or charged back to her credit card, or that the money would not be returned.

"It is 14 cents, but it is my 14 cents, and they were after me for 2 cents. They sent me a bill for 2 cents, they expected their money," Maitland said.

The customer service reps seemed to be getting fed up over these 14 cents. But eventually, one representative agreed to help.

"He gave me his direct number, it was a chat line and no surprise, he wasn't there," she said.

It turns out TTI is an obscure company in an obscure town. TTI was formerly known as MCI and is now a subsidiary of Verizon Business Global LLC, an obscure division of Verizon.

"It appears Verizon took on a pre-existing condition," she said.

Verizon corporate tracked down the obscure subsidiary and agreed she was owed 14 cents and Verizon was willing to pay up.

Soon after, Maitland got a check for 14 cents.

"I am very pleased. I knew it was coming.

Mechanic Traveling 163 MPH in Porsche Crashes in Florida

Routine maintenance on a 2008 Porsche Boxster took an unusual turn Thursday, when a Sanibel mechanic took the car on a wild test drive, reaching an estimated 163 mph, and crashed it.

Kenneth Kasten, 50, owner of the Sanibel Shell service station, was driving the Porsche on McGregor Boulevard near Punta Rassa Road at 6 a.m. when he lost control and flipped the car into some mangroves, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

The Porsche - owned by Nanelle Wehmann of Sanibel - was the only vehicle involved in the crash, which occurred in a 55-mph limit zone.
The FHP estimated the damage to the Porsche at $50,000.

Kasten wasn't seriously injured and left the scene before emergency crews arrived, Cpl. George Kantor of the FHP said. Alcohol is not believed to have been a factor in the crash.

Authorities arrived on scene to find the car smashed, abandoned and upside down.

Initial reports were that the car was stolen, but Kantor said it quickly became clear that Kasten had permission to drive the car.
Wehmann said she has been bringing her vehicles to the Sanibel Shell for years and was surprised to learn about the crash.

"I'm just thankful he wasn't hurt," she said.
Kantor said because Wehmann knew Kasten would drive the car, Kasten wasn't charged with theft.

Kasten was found a few hours after the crash hiding in a nearby parking lot and was given a notice to appear in court on charges of willful and wanton reckless driving and leaving the scene of a crash.

Fort Myers attorney Sean O'Halloran said first offenders on such charges could face a combined maximum penalty of $1,000 and 150 days in jail.

"Any sentence will consider a prior criminal history," said O'Halloran, who is not involved in this case.

Kasten has had seven moving violations since 2000, according to the Lee County Clerk of Court.
Kantor said Kasten admitted to speeding.

"I told him how fast we determined he was going, and he said that was about right," Kantor said.

Kantor said Kasten told him he was speeding because he was upset, but Kantor didn't specify why Kasten was upset.

A call to the service station to reach Kasten was met with a "no comment" and a hang-up.

Wehmann said she doesn't hold any ill will toward Kasten or his business.

"He's a good guy," she said. "It was just an unfortunate accident."

And Wehmann is still willing to bring her vehicles back to the station.

"I have no reason to think I wouldn't," she said. "It's a well-respected place."

Kansas Cop Finds $1 Million During Traffic Stop

MINNEOLA, Kan. - A Clark County undersheriff said he was just following his instincts when he found more than $1 million during a traffic stop.

Undersheriff Daniel Knowles stopped a vehicle last week on U.S. 54 just outside of Minneola and became suspicious of the driver.

Knowles searched the car and found a hidden compartment with the money packed inside. He said the money smelled like marijuana. The total amount was $1,017,183.

Paperwork has been filed with the Clark County Attorney's office to begin the asset forfeiture process.

The Drug Enforcement Agency is helping to investigate the incident. The names of the people in the car have not been released.

VIDEO: Truck destroys bridge in Turkey

CCTV footage of a truck smashing into a pedestrian footbridge in Istanbul earlier this week has been released by police.

The video shows the truck, travelling with its dumper raised, destroying the bridge as it careens into it.

One pedestrian crossing the bridge was injured during the incident, but amazingly no-one was killed. Police are investigating why the truck was travelling with its dumper raised.

JOKE: Old Lady Sobbing

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out.. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?'
She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.'

I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'

She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m. '

I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?'

She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'

VIDEO: Horse with an Itch

Horse with an Itch @ Yahoo! Video

JOKE: BUBBA'S SECRET

The football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba had so many women hanging around that he couldn't possibly handle all of them.

So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell is your secret?"

So Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I'm about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can have sex with them forever!"

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom,

He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of opportunity, he tore off his clothes, and started banging it on the dresser.

His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said.

"Is that you, Bubba?"

Pharmacist avoids jail after posting sex ad in customer's name

NORWALK CONNECTICUT -- A former pharmacist who created a sex posting for a customer after a fight with her was given a suspended jail sentence Tuesday.

After pleading guilty to reduced charges of misdemeanor second-degree harassment and felony fifth-degree computer crime, Jonathan Medina, 39, who spent a decade in the U.S. Marines and U.S. Navy, apologized to his victim.

According to his plea agreement, Judge Bruce Hudock gave Medina a six-year suspended jail sentence and two years probation. Identical counts of misdemeanor harassment and felony computer crime, which he was charged with when he was arrested last year, were all but dropped.

While on probation Medina is prohibited from contacting the woman and must undergo psychiatric evaluation and treatment, Hudock said.

In September, Medina's attorney, Jeffrey Denner, tried to get his client into a court diversionary program for first-time offenders that would have erased the charge from his record.

Though Norwalk Judge Maureen Dennis acknowledged Medina would probably not commit another crime, she would not grant the program because the charges were too serious.

The incident occurred on the night of Aug. 11, 2008, when the Norwalk woman became upset after Medina would not fill a prescription at the Westport Avenue CVS.

According to his arrest warrant affidavit, the woman reported to police that on Aug. 12, she began receiving calls from men answering a sex ad posted on craigslist.

The ad said, "Kinky Brenda looking for a good time." It listed how many "kisses" she wanted for half-hour, one-hour and 90-minute sessions as well as the woman's address and telephone number, the arrest affidavit said. The woman received 25 calls and one drive-up visitor to her home, the affidavit said.

During his September hearing, Medina said his life was hectic at the time the incident occurred. Medina, who was living in North Haven at the time with his wife of six years, was sleep-deprived and backed up with customers, and said his confrontation with the woman got the better of him.

"For some reason, I just let it get to me. I've never got that angry in my life. . . . I never had anything like this before," he said.

Craigslist gave the victim the e-mail address from which the ad was posted. It also showed that contact with the Internet was made via the Staples Wi-Fi system across Westport Avenue from CVS, the affidavit said. Police determined the e-mail account used was paid by a credit card billed to Medina.

By the time police filed the arrest affidavit, Medina had moved to Washington state.

Texas Restaurant Owner Arrested for Attacking Customer

BROWNSVILLE - A restaurant owner faces an aggravated assault charge. This is after police say she threw a plate a customer who complained about his order.

Maria Del Rayo Cordero already posted a $7,500 bond.

Police were called to El Rancho Alegre Caf�, or "The Happy Ranch Cafe," on East 14th Street Saturday afternoon. Investigators say the customer complained he was served a beef milanesa plate, instead of chicken.

Police say Cordero told the man to pay for the food anyway and leave. An argument ensued. The owner allegedly threw a tray of food and tea at the customer. The customer then threw the tea back. Police say that's when the owner grabbed a ceramic plate and hit the customer on the forehead. Paramedics treated him at the scene.

VIDEO: Confused dog watching another on YouTube

Rape victim receives 101 lashes for becoming pregnant

A 16-year-old girl who was raped in Bangladesh has been given 101 lashes for conceiving during the assault.

The girl's father was also fined and warned the family would be branded outcasts from their village if he did not pay.

According to human rights activists, the girl, who was quickly married after the attack, was divorced weeks later after medical tests revealed she was pregnant.

The girl was raped by a 20-year-old villager in Brahmanbaria district in April last year. She was so ashamed following the attack that she did not lodge a complaint.

Her rape emerged after her pregnancy test and Muslim elders in the village issued a fatwa insisting that the girl be kept in isolation until her family agreed to corporal punishment.

Her rapist was pardoned by the elders. She said the rapist had "spoiled" her life. "I want justice," she said.

JOKE: A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

SLEEPING AROUND..IT'S THE KIDS THAT SUFFER

VIDEO: How to Manage a Tiny Garage

Pranking the Dog

VIDEO: train horn scare prank ( funny as hell )

VIDEO: Alcohol Can Lead to Unpleasant Situations

Huge Boulder Crushes House, Two Die in Germany

A boulder the size of a house killed a father and daughter after it broke away from a hillside in Germany and hit a family home.

Two people died and two more were seriously injured after the rockfall in the Bavarian town of Stein an der Traun.

The dead were a 45-year-old father and his 18-year-old daughter. His wife, 40, and 16-year-old son survived the impact with severe injuries but are out of danger, according to local police.

The huge chunk of rock broke away from a 50ft cliff that overlooked the house at 7.40pm on Monday. Neighbors said they thought there had been a "terrible explosion" and rushed from their homes to see the family house obliterated with dust and smoke rising from the ruins.

Over 220 firemen and rescue personnel descended on the scene with sniffer dogs. It took until the early hours of Tuesday morning working in temperatures of minus 10 degrees C to pull the survivors to safety.

"We made contact with them early on and kept talking with them through the night as we pulled away at the debris," said a Red Cross official. All were sitting in the lounge watching TV when disaster struck, said police.

Chinese Legal Experts Call for Ban on Eating Cats and Dogs

Chinese legal experts are proposing a ban on eating dogs and cats in a contentious move to end a culinary tradition dating back thousands of years. The recommendation will be submitted to higher authorities in April as part of a draft bill to tackle animal abuse.

In ancient times, dog meat was considered a medicinal tonic. Today, it is commonly available throughout the country, but particularly in the north where dog stew is popular for its supposed warming qualities.

In recent years, however, such traditions are increasingly criticised by an affluent, pet-loving, urban middle class. Online petitions against dog and cat consumption have attracted tens of thousands of signatures. Videos showing the maltreatment of farmed dogs have spurred protests at markets where the animals are bought and sold.

But the drafters of the new proposal want far more drastic measures, which would oblige law enforcement authorities to close down thousands of dog restaurants and butchers which supply the meat.

According to the draft, illegal sale or consumption of pets would incur a maximum penalty of 15 days in prison for individuals or a 500,000 yuan fine for businesses. Public security bureaus would be obliged to respond to hotline calls from the public about violations.

"We are proposing that all dog and cat eating should be banned because it is causing many social problems," said Chang Jiwen, a law professor at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences who heads the drafting team.

Left Without a Leg to Stand On..Doctors Amputated Wrong Foot

Peruvian doctors amputate wrong foot, then right one
Doctors in Peru mistakenly amputated the wrong foot of an 86-year-old man, leaving them no choice but to cut off the other one as well to keep an infection from spreading, officials said.

"It was a terrible shock when I lifted up the sheets and saw they had amputated his left foot," the patient's daughter, Carmen Villanueva, said. She said doctors in the port city of Callao had been attending to an ulcer on Jorge Villanueva's right foot since Jan 4.

When the infection worsened on Saturday, they ordered the ill-fated emergency surgery. Realising their mistake, doctors performed a second operation the following day that left Mr Villanueva footless.

The Sabogal Hospital said in a statement that it suspended the doctors involved while it investigates.

Oscar Ugarte, Peru's health minister, confirmed the mistaken amputation, saying: "Without a doubt this should be punishable. ... It is a sad situation, and we have asked for an investigation."

Carmen Villanueva said her family plans to sue.

JOKE: Two Elderly Women Were Eating Breakfast

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?'

Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?'

She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.'

Florida Man Attacks Girlfriend While Wearing Her Lingerie

A comment about why her boyfriend was wearing her nightgown resulted in an argument that led to the man being arrested for domestic violence.

Lawrence Jay Horowitz, 43, of the 14000 block of Grosse Pointe Lane, Fort Myers, posted $3,000 bond on the battery charge and has been released from jail.

According to a Lee County Sheriff's Office arrest report:

The couple went out for food and drinks with friends Thursday night. When they went back to the woman's house in the 9200 block of Middle Oak Drive, she was in the kitchen and he came into the room wearing one of her nightgowns. The woman thought he was trying to be funny "but then realized he had a strange look on his face." When she made a comment about the nightgown, he grabbed the one she was wearing, ripping it off, leaving a cut and red mark on her shoulder. She tried to get away, but he threw her to the ground and sat on her. She pulled free, ran upstairs, and shut and locked the bedroom door. He forced the door open, hitting her in the face with it, causing a gash above her eye. She asked him to call law enforcement, but he said no because he was scared.

She said she was scared to leave the room. He unplugged the phones and took her keys. She eventually fell asleep, and a bit later woke up. She realized the towels she used to wipe off the blood and her bloodied nightgown were gone. She was scared to stay at her house, went to her mother's house and called law enforcement.

When deputies interviewed Horowitz, he denied most of what his girlfriend of three years had told deputies. He did admit they had argued and he forced open the door, but didn't know she was behind it. He gave her a Band Aid and some ice.

These Couples Should Not Marry Re; An Independent Panel

the gene pool would be so adversely affected as to cause irreparable damage

JOKE:

As the Pope lay dying, he is visited by an Angel who tells him that before he dies, God has commanded that he must make love to a young virgin so he may know and understand the earthly pleasures he gave up his whole life. The Pope argues for a while but then finally agrees to do it if certain conditions are met:

"First, she must be blind so that she cannot see the desecration I will perform on her body!"

"Second, she must be mute so that she can never repeat the unspeakable act I will be performing on her body!"

"Third, she must be deaf so that she can't hear the unspeakable acts I will be performing upon her."
The Angel writes these down and begins to float away to report back to God.
Just before he disappears, the Pope leans forward and says, "One last thing."

"What is it?" asks the Angel.
The Pope whispers..."Big tits"

Chilli Sauce Drinking Contest Puts Teens in Hospital

Eight German teenagers were hospitalised after a test of courage in which they drank chilli sauce more than 200 times hotter than normal.

The Red Cross in the southern city of Augsburg says that 10 boys, aged 13 and 14, year drank the sauce, apparently in school.

The German news agency DAPD quoted the Red Cross as saying the boys complained of feeling sick, and eight were taken to a hospital.

They were to be kept in overnight for observation.

The Red Cross said that on the Scoville scale, which measures the hotness of chillies, the sauce measured 535,000 - as much as some pepper sprays used by law enforcement. Normal Tabasco sauce measures just 2,500 on the Scoville scale.

Walmart Meat Enough To Piss A Guy Off !?!

CANTON, Ohio -- A Canton man remains in jail after being arrested for urinating on a meat counter at a Wal-Mart store.

According to Lt. Linda Brown of the Canton Police Department, Robert T. Jenkins, 21, of Canton, was arrested at 1:30 a.m. Friday morning and charges with felony vandalism and disorderly conduct.

Police say Jenkins was arrested after they responded to a call from an employee at the Wal-Mart store on Atlantic Blvd. NE, claiming a man walked up to the meat counter and began urinating on the steaks, destroying more than $600 dollars in meat.

According to Lt. Brown, it is not yet known if alcohol or drugs played a role in Brown's actions.

He is currently being held in the Stark County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond.

'Extreme Dog' in Motocross Races

 

Meet Opee the motorcross-loving dog.

While most dogs enjoy going for walks, the eight-year-old Australian shepherd gets his gets high-speed kicks on his owner Mike Schelin's extreme bike.

"This dog has been over 150 mph and absolutely loves it. He just looks like he's having a blast. The faster we go, the more fun he has," Mike said.

Mike trained Opee to sit in front of him during dirt bike races in California - wearing his own helmet and goggles.

According to Mike, Opee's riding days began because he did not like leaving him when he went riding in the desert and one day Opee jumped up onto the saddle.

"I thought, 'My god, he rides better than my ex-wife'. He's totally into it."

VIDEO: Can You Beat This?

JOKE: the Gold Miner

One day after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, toughest, roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender.

"We got her," replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right."

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the door and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest, roughest, toughest hooker in the Yukon."

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "Well, you found her." Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.

"How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.

"I don't," replied the hooker, "I just thought you might like to open those beers first."

JOKE: A HOOKER, A RABBI, A 3 LEGGED DOG AND A DUCK

walk into a bar and sit down.

The bartender says "is this some kind of a joke?"

Woman Swiped Ring From Dying Sister's Hand

Geraldine Magda sat next to the nursing home bed of her dying sister and held her left hand.

Later that day, police in Austin, Minn., found the dead woman's wedding ring in Magda's purse, and now Magda finds herself charged with two felonies.

Magda, 44, of Mapleview, Minn., was charged Wednesday with two felonies: theft and possession of stolen property.

According to police, Magda visited Mary Ulwelling, 58, at the ComforCare Nursing Home in Austin on New Year's Day, where her terminally ill sister only had a few hours to live.

Other relatives were present and noticed that Ulwelling's gold wedding ring with diamonds, valued at $2,500, was missing after Magda had visited.

Questioned by police, Magda said she sat next to her sister's bed and held the dying woman's left hand but denied taking the ring.

With Magda's consent, police searched her purse and found the ring in a prescription pill container. Magda said she didn't know how the ring got there.

Relatives told police that Magda has previously stolen jewelry from family members.

Mary and Paul Ulwelling were married in Las Vegas in the summer of 1999.

'Dumped' Mistress Posts Billboards

A woman has reportedly taken revenge for being dumped by her married lover by plastering huge billboard posters across the US showing the couple together.

The giant images of YaVaughnie Wilkins and Charles E Phillips in happier times have the words "You are my soulmate forever!" above them.

Ms Wilkins is thought to have commissioned the public adverts when Mr Phillips, who is a computer software boss and an adviser to President Obama, decided to go back to his wife.

One high-profile poster was placed in New York's Times Square while others were put up in Atlanta and San Francisco, where she lives. They are thought to have cost her a total of $225,000.

The billboards, which are three storeys high, also feature a link to a shrine-like website, (sadly no longer working), containing over 1200 photos of Ms Wilkins and Mr Phillips together from 2001 to 2009. The site also has 65 karaoke tracks and about 35 articles written by Ms Wilkins.

Mr Phillips, who is president of the giant Oracle Corporation, admitted: "I had an eight-and-a-half-year serious relationship with YaVaughnie Wilkins. My divorce proceedings began in 2008. "The relationship with Ms. Wilkins has since ended and we both wish each other well."

Fed Up Homeowner Graffitis His Own House To Spite Developer

Everett Washington homeowner Paul Larson says a developer excavated land surrounding his home five years ago to make way for a large subdivision. The work, he says, left behind sinkholes, toppled trees, a ruptured septic tank and waterline.

Instead of spending thousands of dollars to fight the developers in court, he decided to spend a couple hundred dollars on paint to graffiti his own house to make the neighbourhood a little less attractive to potential buyers.

JOKE: Three black men

This is a non-politically correct "guy" story. I trust you will handle it accordingly.

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.

The curator of the gallery went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.

"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no black men depicted at all! They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

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Computer Sex

Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing.

One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had parked his Motorola 68040 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of live ware admiring the daisy wheels in his garden. He thought to himself, "She looks user-friendly. I'll see if she'd like an update tonight."

Mini was her name, and she was delightfully engineered with eyes like COBOL and a PR1ME mainframe architecture that set Micro's peripherals networking all over the place.

He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin, 32-bit floating point processors and inquired "How are you, Honeywell?". "Yes, I am well", she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.

Micro settled for a straight line approximation. "I'm stand-alone tonight", he said, "How about computing a vector to my base address? I'll output a byte to eat, and maybe we could get offset later on."

Mini ran a priority process for 2.6 milliseconds, then transmitted 8 K. "I've been dumped myself recently, and a new page is just what I need to refresh my disks. I'll park my machine cycle in your background and meet you inside." She walked off, leaving Micro admiring her solenoids and thinking, "Wow, what a global variable, I wonder if she'd like my firmware?"

They sat down at the process table to top of form feed of fiche and chips and a bucket of baudot. Mini was in conversation mode and expanded on ambiguous arguments while Micro gave the occasional acknowledgments, although, in reality, he was analyzing the shortest and least critical path to her entry point. He finally settled on the old 'Would you like to-see-my-benchmark routine', but Mini was again one step ahead.

Suddenly she was up and stripping off her parity bits to reveal the full functionality of her operating system software. "Let's get BASIC, you RAM", she said. Micro was loaded by this; his hardware was in danger of overflowing its output buffer, a hang-up that Micro had consulted his analyst about. "Core", was all he could say, as she prepared to log him off.

Micro soon recovered, however, when Mini went down on the DEC and opened her divide files to reveal her data set ready.
He accessed his fully packed root device and was just about to start pushing into her CPU stack, when she attempted an escape sequence.

"No, no!", she cried, "You're not shielded!"

"Reset, Baby", he replied, "I've been debugged."

"But I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I can't support child processes", she protested.

"Don't run away", he said, "I'll generate an interrupt."

"No, that's too error prone, and I can't abort because of my design philosophy."

Micro was locked in by this stage, though, and could not be turned off. But Mini soon stopped his thrashing by introducing a voltage spike into his main supply, whereupon he fell over with a head crash and went to sleep.

"Computers!", she thought, as she recompiled herself. "All they ever think of is hex!"

JOKE: A Group of Nuns are Travelling

A group of nuns are travelling in a car when it has a flat tire. They get out and try to change it, but being rather unworldly do not know how to do it. Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted. As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. "Son-of-a-bitch," he yelled.

The eldest nun said to him,"That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn't use such language."

"Sorry, Sister", he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost mashing his fingers. "Son-of-a-bitch", he yelled again.

"Please, don't use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn't help us."

"But I get so upset, and it just comes out."

"Well," said the nun, "say something else when you get upset, something like 'Sweet Jesus, help me,".

So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. Again it slipped. He started to say "So..", but he corrected himself and said, "Sweet Jesus help me." At that, the car lifted up into the air by itself.

The nuns looked at the car and said, "Son-of-a-bitch!"

Mom Forced Son to Kill Hamster Over Bad Grade

Lynn Geter, 38, is accused of forcing her 12-year-old son to kill his pet hamster for earning a bad grade,

As punishment for bad grades, a Georgia mother forced her 12-year-old son to kill his pet hamster with a hammer, police said.

The day after he was forced to kill his pet, the child told his teacher, Meriwether County Sheriff Steve Whitlock told the AJC Thursday evening.

The teacher reported the incident to DFCS authorities, who contacted police, Whitlock said. The pet's death allegedly took place at the family's Warm Springs home.

On Friday, 38-year-old Lynn Middlebrooks Geter was arrested, Whitlock said. Geter faces one charge each of animal cruelty, child cruelty and battery.

Geter remained in the Meriwether County jail Thursday evening, Whitlock said. Meriwether County is located about 90 minutes southwest of Atlanta.