JOKE: Bill Clinton Went Golfing

Bill Clinton got the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

Bill looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog

and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow!! That's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." They go to next hole. "What do you think frog?," Bill asks.

"Ribbit 3 wood." Bill takes out a 3 wood and,

Boom! Hole in one. Bill is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, he'd golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,"OK where to next?"

The frog replies,"Ribbit Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and

Bill says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, Bill asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, Bill figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room, so help me God."

or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

VIDEO: 20 Car Pileup in Colorado Springs

Mark Zuckerberg - Gotta Hand It To The Little F*cker

No one made as large an impact on how we interact in 2010 as Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, whom you've really gotta hand it to, as much as you'd like to punch the little shit right in his smug, 26-year-old- billionaire face. Zuckerberg launched Facebook from his Harvard dorm room in 2004 and has since seen the social network grow from a few thousand college students to more 500 million users worldwide.

Smart little f*cker, isn't he?

2010 was a landmark year for Zuckerberg: He watched his net worth surpass that of Steve Jobs and of Rupert Murdoch, while also expanding his online empire to include geo-location services, high-res photo-sharing, and enhanced personalization features, all of which just proved that the redheaded little dickface has really got our number and will always have us lining up and begging for more. Goddammit.

And recently joining the likes of Bill Gates and Warren Buffett in pledging to give most his income to charity is exactly the kind of maneuver a shitwad like this would pull to make you almost respect him.

The brilliant prick's meteoric ascent has so captured the nation's imagination that screenwriter Aaron Sorkin and acclaimed director David Fincher teamed up to immortalize the little wiener in the blockbuster film The Social Network, released in October.

Though his power and notoriety are sure to grow in coming years, you really can't begrudge Zuckerberg his fair-won success, even if he looks like a pimply-faced little f*ckhead you could easily kick in the balls without feeling any remorse

Doctor killed by neck massager

Her neck aching after a night of wrapping gifts on Christmas Eve, Dr. Michelle Ferrari-Gegerson used an electronic massager to relieve the pain. That night, her lifeless body was found by her husband on the bedroom floor of their Parkland home. The culprit: the massager, say Broward Sheriff's Office detectives and the Medical Examiner's Office.

They believe it got tangled in her necklace and strangled her. Ferrari-Gegerson, 37, worked as a radiologist in the emergency room of Jackson Memorial Hospital and was the mother of a 1-year-old, colleagues said. "Last week she was here and she brought baked goods for various employees,'' said Barbara Perez Deppman, director for radiology at the hospital. "That's what type of person she was. Out of the blue, she would just give people food vouchers and take them out to lunch.''

According to BSO, Ferrari-Gegerson was discovered unconscious about 9 p.m. Christmas Eve by her husband, Dr. Kenneth Gegerson, a dentist. Gegerson, 43, called 911. When deputies and paramedics arrived, they found the electronic massager on the floor near her, according to BSO.

BSO is withholding the brand and other details of the electronic massager while the investigation continues. Ferrari-Gegerson's apparent accident is not the first incident where an electronic massager has reportedly strangled someone. In December 2008, the Matoba Electric Manufacturing Company based in Saitama, Japan recalled an electronic foot massager after three reported cases in that country of women strangling themselves accidentally while using the machine as a neck massager.

VIDEO: A Match Made in Africa

JOKE: the New Dress

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old woman standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.

VIDEO: BLIZZARD 2010 TIMELAPSE

December 2010 Blizzard Timelapse from Michael Black on Vimeo.

VIDEO: Why Mama Didn't Want You To Get A Motorcycle

VIDEO: UNBELIEVEABLE FAILS COMPILATIONS 2010

PHOTOS: Amish People Like Rollerblading

JOKE: Old Man On a Bus

An elderly man boarded a crowded bus but nobody would give him seat.When the bus jerked away,the old mans walking stick slipped and he fell to the floor.As he got to his feet,a boy of about nine or ten sitting nearby said to him."If you put a little rubber thing on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip". The old man replied,"Yes sonny, and if your dad had done the same thing nine years ago, I'd have a bloody seat to-day!"

Miracle Triplets Born 11 Years Apart

Triplets born 11 years apart: The Shepherd triplets, from left, Bethany, Ryleigh and Megan, are record breakers after being born a staggering 11 years apart. Bethany and Megan were born in August 1999, while their triplet sister Ryleigh remained as a frozen embryo in storage. She was born in November 2010.

Ever wonder what you were like when you were growing up? Two 11-year-old sisters in England will have just that chance, thanks to the amazing birth of their newborn triplet who had been on ice since she was conceived more than a decade ago.

When Adrian and Lisa Shepherd decided to start a family in 1998, they underwent in vitro fertilization at the Midland Fertility Clinic because Lisa suffered from fertility issues that made traditional conception difficult.

Doctors obtained 24 eggs from the mother, 14 of which were successfully fertilized. Two of those embryos were then implanted in Lisa, who gave birth to twins Megan and Bethany in 1999.

The other 12 embryos were placed in cryogenic storage until the Walsall family started talking about having another child last year.

"We didn't know if it would work, and we agreed that we would just have one go with one embryo and if it didn't work, we wouldn't try again," Lisa, 37, told the Daily Mail. "It was one last chance, and if it was meant to be, then it would happen."

The Shepherds returned to the clinic, where doctors implanted a third embryo in Lisa that had been conceived on the same day as Megan and Bethany.

"It seemed strange to think that we were using embryos that we had stored all those years ago, that were conceived at the same time as the girls," Lisa said. "We knew that if we had another baby it would in effect be the girls' triplet as they were all conceived at the same time."

Ryleigh was born last month at 7 pounds 10 ounces -- 11 years after her sisters.

Experts told the paper it could be the longest age gap between siblings conceived during the same fertility treatment.

"When Ryleigh arrived, she looked like both the girls did when they were born 11 years before," Lisa said. "It was uncanny."

Woman Arrested for Indecent Exposure in Md. Store

HEBRON, Md.- A 22-year-old woman is behind bars after police say she took off all of her clothing and sexually harassed customers and employees inside the Royal Farms convenience store in Hebron.

Jennifer Marie Riegler, of Accomac, Va., is charged with disorderly conduct, indecent exposure, disturbance of the peace, theft less than $100, fourth-degree sex offense, malicious destruction of property valued less than $500 and six counts of second-degree assault.

The Wicomico County Sheriff's Office says Riegler's arrest stemmed from an incident alleged to have occurred shortly before 9 a.m., Dec. 18, at the Royal Farms located on the 7900 block of Royalty Way.

According to police interviews with store employees, Riegler walked inside the store, removed all of her clothing and strolled naked around the store. Police say she then made sexually suggestive comments to both customers and employees and engaged in sexually suggestive behavior prior to lying on the floor in front of the donut rack.

Store employees assisted Riegler with getting dressed and she waited in the parking lot for deputies to arrive. When deputies arrived on the scene, they discovered that Riegler was eating fruit taken from inside the store that she had not purchased. Based on what the store employees reported to the deputies, Riegler was placed under arrest. Police say that when deputies attempted to place Riegler in a patrol car, she kicked one of them in the groin and another in the hand. Riegler was subdued and placed into additional restraints.

Riegler was transported to Peninsula Regional Hospital in Salisbury and a warrant was obtained charging her with the aforementioned offenses. She was taken into custody on Dec. 23 and locked up in the Wicomico County Detention Center in lieu of $25,000 bond.

VIDEO: Mobile Surveillance Towers coming to a town near you.

UPDATE: Man Seen in Video Dumping Body Was Caught

A man has been charged with second degree murder after he said he strangled a woman to death in a dispute over her charges for sex and tried to hide her body by shoving it into a suitcase, police said on Tuesday.

Hassan Malik, 55, of New York City was due to be arraigned in court later in the day. Malik was arrested on Monday night after police tracked him to a suburban apartment.

According to police, Malik confessed to the December 22 murder, saying he had killed the victim, Betty Williams, 28, in a dispute after she wanted more money for sex than they had agreed on in advance.

The arrest came after police released surveillance footage of a man believed to be Malik walking down a sidewalk in a Harlem neighborhood dragging a suitcase.

Shortly thereafter, nearby residents discovered an abandoned suitcase with a leg sticking out of it near a popular Italian restaurant. Police were called to the scene and found Williams stuffed inside.

After releasing the video, police learned from a tipster that Malik was hiding in Sleepy Hollow about 30 miles north of the city, where with local police cooperation they arrested him on Monday night without incident.

VIDEO: Hungry Puppy Stands on Front Legs

VIDEO: Triple Bot Fly Removal

VIDEO: Fennec Fox vs. Scorpion

Brazilian woman wakes up in her coffin hours before she would have been buried alive

A woman being prepared for burial gave funeral parlour workers quite a shock when she came to life inside her coffin. Maria das Dores da Conceicao, 88, is currently hospitalised in the intensive care unit of the Municipal hospital which declared her officially dead a few days ago. The Brazilian's body movements and breathing, spotted in her coffin at a local funeral parlour, resulted in the coffin and body being rushed back to the hospital, where she is recovering in the intensive care ward.

Her granddaughter Noeme Silva Am�ncio, 31, was among the first family members to greet her grandmum back to life. She said 'when I got to the hospital 's first emergency aid entrance, I sighted grandma in her coffin, which was inside the funeral hearse. She was breathing and moving about on one side of the coffin more than when she had been initially hospitalized.'

The Mayor's office of this provincial city near the state capital of Belo Horizonte, declared in an official note that Police were investigating the case in order to clarify the details to the shocked family. The note added that Mrs. Conceicao entered the hospital last Tuesday morning with a medical history of arterial hypertension, obstructed arteries and Alzheimer's. She had been bedridden and brought the hospital complaining of pains.

'Since Wednesday, 22 December, the patient did not present any signs of being alive and was declared officially dead at 16:50 and brought to the funeral parlour at 20:30.' Custodia Amancio, daughter of the resuscitated Brazilian woman says 'we are happy to know my mother is alive and unhappy with the lack of respect due her. We are still not sure if we will sue the municipality and hospital. She continues in the intensive ward treatment ward and we are praying that she will improve quickly.'

VIDEO: WOW..Cat Loves Bath

VIDEO: I Think We Have the Same Electrician

WICCANS ARE EVIL AND ATHEISTS ARE EVIL

Grandfather Spent Three Days Lost on Highway in England

A grandfather who fell victim to the airport snow chaos after dropping his wife off at Gatwick airport spent three days lost on the M4 trying to find his way back to Wiltshire. The 72-year-old man was eventually found on Christmas Day, still at the wheel of his Peugeot 307, when he triggered a police camera and was flagged down by officers. Disorientated Mohammed Bellazrak spent three days trying to find his way home to Wiltshire from Gatwick Airport, while his worried family reported him missing to the police. Police in Wiltshire asked colleagues in neighbouring forces to keep an eye open for the Moroccan-born motorist, after he vanished on December 23. CCTV footage showed him leaving Gatwick airport at 8pm on Thursday but there the trail ran cold.

That was until officers in the Thames Valley fed his car details into the police automatic number plate recognition computer. They discovered cameras had recorded the OAP driving around in numerous towns in Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire. Sergeant Jo Spencer, who led the hunt for the missing pensioner, took up the story. "It appears that Mrs Bellazrak was deposited safely at Gatwick by her husband and she flew off on holiday, unaware of the drama involving her husband which was to follow. Mr Bellazrak was seen on a CCTV camera leaving Gatwick at about 8pm on December 23, presumably to drive home to Trowbridge, a journey which should have taken a couple of hours.

"However, he didn't arrive and his anxious relatives eventually called the police when they realised he had disappeared. They were worried he might have had an accident or something like that," said Sgt. Spencer. "We contacted other forces with no success and then asked for the ANPR systems to be activated to see if anyone spotted the number plate CF53 BHE, the car in which Mr Bellazrak was known to have been when he left Gatwick for the 70 mile journey home. We were surprised to discover that ANPR cameras had recorded him in Bracknell, Wokingham, Burnham and High Wycombe - all presumably attempts at finding his way from Gatwick to Wiltshire. The last ANPR 'hit' we had showed him at about 6pm on Christmas eve in Hiugh Wycombe but then the trail went cold again," she added. We put out press appeals hoping that local radio stations might broadcast details of his car and that someone would come forward to say where he was."

However, no-one came forward and fears for the OAP's safety increased. Mr Bellazrak's ordeal finally ended at 2pm on Christmas Day when his car number plate activated an ANPR camera in a Thames Valley Police patrol car in Abingdon Road, Oxford - and this time officers were able to flag him down. "He was taken to Oxford police station to await the arrival of relatives who drove him safely back home," said Sgt. Spencer. "It is an amazing but very sad story and we are very pleased that it had a happy ending on Christmas afternoon. Goodness knows how much petrol he must have got through and how many miles he travelled in his quest to find the way home. We will be speaking to Mr Bellazrak when he has had a good rest, to see what happened and whether he drove all night or stopped to sleep somewhere."

VIDEO: PUPPIES FOR CHRISTMAS

Is reading wife's e-mail a crime?

Leon Walker of Rochester Hills is charged with unlawfully reading his then-wife's e-mail, which showed she was having an affair with her second husband, who once had been arrested for beating her in front of her son. Walker says he gave the e-mails to her first husband, the child's father, to protect the boy. "I was doing what I had to do," he said

A Michigan man faces up to 5 years in prison -- for reading his wife's e-mail.

Oakland County prosecutors, relying on a Michigan statute typically used to prosecute crimes such as identity theft or stealing trade secrets, have charged Leon Walker, 33, with a felony after he logged onto a laptop in the home he shared with his wife, Clara Walker.

Using her password, he accessed her Gmail account and learned she was having an affair. He now is facing a Feb. 7 trial. She filed for divorce, which was finalized earlier this month.

Legal experts say it's the first time the statute has been used in a domestic case, and it might be hard to prove

"It's going to be interesting because there are no clear legal answers here," said Frederick Lane, a Vermont attorney and nationally recognized expert who has published five books on electronic privacy. The fact that the two still were living together, and that Leon Walker had routine access to the computer, may help him, Lane said.

"I would guess there is enough gray area to suggest that she could not have an absolute expectation of privacy," he said.

About 45% of divorce cases involve some snooping -- and gathering -- of e-mail, Facebook and other online material, Lane said. But he added that those are generally used by the warring parties for civil reasons -- not for criminal prosecution.

$450,000 in drugs found on man passed out in taxi

A frustrated cabdriver unwittingly delivered a man carrying a bag that was allegedly filled with nearly a half-million dollars in drugs to officers at the Rogers Park District police station over the weekend.

The driver, who asked not to be named, said he picked up a fare in the Lincoln Park neighborhood on Saturday afternoon and took the man to an address in Rogers Park.

The passenger, later identified by police as Joseph Andrew Hoffman, 25, chatted on his phone for about half the trip but was unconscious by the time they arrived at the destination, the cabdriver said.

The cabdriver said he tried to rouse the man for about 10 minutes before driving to the police station. Police searched the man's bag and found bottles of a "clear, crystalline substance" connected by wires to a "power source," which together apparently amounted to a miniature methamphetamine lab, according to a police report.

The street value of the drugs in the man's bag was nearly $450,000, the police report said.

Hoffman, of Vancouver, Wash., was taken to St. Francis Hospital in Evanston. Police said he consented to a search of a residence in the 800 block of West Dakin Street, where officers found a gallon jug filled with suspected GHB, the so-called date rape drug; small bags of marijuana; $1,401 in cash; and other drug paraphernalia, the report said.

Hoffman was charged with six felony counts and on Sunday was ordered held on $100,000 bail by a Cook County judge.

The cab that brought Hoffman to police was searched by a Chicago Fire Department hazardous materials team. Police didn't tell him what they had found on the passenger when they returned the car, the cabbie said.

"They said they found a lot of bad stuff. My only concern was to collect my fare," the cabdriver said Sunday. "It was going on and on, and I didn't even get my full fare."

PHOTOS: Blizzard smacks NYC with almost 2 feet of snow

JOKE: President Obama Meet the Queen

Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport and President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth shattering fart. The smell is awful The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.

The Queen turns to President Obama, "Mr. President please accept my regrets...I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."

President Obama, trying to be "Presidential," replied: "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought, until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."

VIDEO: Slippery Road LOL..

Epic Car slide!

VIDEO: Pranking Hitch Hikers With A stunt driver

VIDEO: Anaesthetised man at dentist drives imaginary car

This Video is Amazing..Two contortionists, one cube

VIDEO: Wild Polar Bears Playing Soccer

VIDEO: Over the Guardrail

VIDEO: OMG Chinese Drivers..Caught on Camera

JOKE: A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation.

She was awake, so he examined her.

"You'll be fine," he said.

She asked,

"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied,

"Yes, you'll be fine.

It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

Man kills mysterious creature in Kentucky

Has a mythical creature made its way to Kentucky? Some people seem to think so, after a Nelson County man came across a creature with greyish, wrinkly skin and no fur. Mark Cothren shot and killed an animal on Dec. 18 because he said he feared what it was, since he did not recognize it. He said the animal walked from the woods onto his front yard around 3 p.m. Cothren lives on Mount Carmel Church Road in Lebanon Junction.

"I was like: 'every animal has hair, especially this time of year!' What puzzled me is how something like that could survive through a winter with no hair," Cothren said. "Everybody is getting very curious, you know. [The] phone is ringing off the hook. It's kind of a mystery right now," Cothren said.

Cothren described the creature as having large ears, whiskers, a long tail, and about the size of a house cat. He says many people have tried to guess what the animal may be. He said he's heard anything from raccoon to a dog to the legendary Chupacabra. "Everybody is leaning kind of toward that - it's the Chupacabra! People have come up to me [saying] 'that's what the thing is 'cause I pulled it up on the Internet'" Cothren laughed.

Legend has it the Chupacabra - also known as the "Goat Sucker" - kills goats and sucks their blood. The fabled creature has supposedly been spotted in South America, Mexico, Puerto Rico, as well as Texas and Oklahoma. "It's hard to judge what an animal is from just a photograph," said Sam Clites with the Louisville Zoo. Clites say he would have to see the animal in person to study it and determine its species. At first glance, he believed the animal could be a raccoon or a dog, but not a mythical creature.

Sicilian Santa arrests mafia suspect

Surveillance footage released by police in Sicily shows how one officer used a cunning Christmas outfit to capture a suspect. A Carabinieri policeman in the city of Catania used a Santa Claus disguise to arrest a suspected mafia member as he collected protection money from a shopkeeper.

The video from the hidden cameras used by the police during the investigation shows the suspected mafia member entering and the shopkeeper taking cash from the cashier and meeting the suspect.

The arrest took place as the suspect was leaving the shop. The footage shows him walking to his car only to be stopped by a policeman dressed up as Santa Claus and other policemen in plain clothes.

According to information released by the Carabinieri, the shop owner had been regularly paying 260 Euros a month to the powerful Santapaola mafia family for the past 10 years.

JOKE: A pastor was invited to a cocktail party

A pastor was invited to a cocktail party and mingled with the other guests until he noticed a man and a woman from his congregation standing by the hors d'oeuvres. As he approached them, he overheard their conversation. As the man bit into an hors d'oeuvre, he said, "Wow, this is better than sex!"

The woman bit into hers and said, "You're right, it is better than sex!"

As they both chuckled, they saw their pastor and turned red with embarrassment.

The pastor took an hors d'oeuvre, chewed it, looked them in the eye and said, "Obviously, you must not be doing it right!"

VIDEO: Impossible Golf Shot....Accomplished!

Merry Christmas Everyone

VIDEO: Louis Prima - Just a gigolo

caught on camera man dumping body

Moments before the body of a strangled woman was found stuffed in a suitcase on a Harlem street yesterday, these surveillance pictures captured a man wheeling it there.

The body of Betty Williams, 28, was discovered at 12:15 a.m. in luggage abandoned on East 114th Street near First Avenue, sources said.

The gruesome find was made on a tree-lined block a half-block from the exclusive Italian eatery Rao's and directly opposite bucolic Thomas Jefferson Park.

In the video a man can be seen dragging the suitcase down East 114th Street.

The man, wearing a black-leather jacket, light-colored pants and wool hat, stops for about 60 seconds as three people walk by.

"He's got a body in his suitcase and he's just standing there like nothing's going on," said the source who provided the shocking footage. "I freaked out when I saw that."

In the video, the man pauses in front of a stoop, stands the suitcase upright and adjusts his hat before wiping his face with his gloved left hand. He also fusses with his jacket collar before slightly turning and looking up the block.

"It's f--ked up. [He's] just standing there," said the source.

Once the group passes, the man resumes pulling the case along the sidewalk.

A few steps later, he stops a second time, then walks out of camera sight.

Soon after, area resident Jody White, 32, stumbled upon the suitcase, sources said.

"I unzipped it and saw it was a body. I just saw from the knee down," White said.

When White opened the luggage, a leg sprang out, sources added. The body of Williams, whose rap sheet includes drug arrests, was clothed, sources said.

"I wish I never found it," he said. "I wish I never came across it. It's the holidays. You don't want to find a body."

A startled White called 911 and cops found a black garbage bag wrapped over a portion of the upper body and head, which bore signs of trauma, police said.

"I came out of the building and saw the suitcase. Her foot was sticking out. It had a sock on it," said a horrified resident who declined to be identified by name.

"It smelled bad . . . seeing something like that is terrible."

Blood was pooled in the suitcase and on the sidewalk where it was abandoned, sources added.

"I feel sympathy for her and her family. I wouldn't know how to deal with a situation like that," said neighbor Samantha Rivera, 22.

VIDEO: Shark For Dinner

VIDEO: Monkey plays with dachshund puppy

Belgian man finds $380,000 while renovating an old bank

A Belgian man renovating a house in Ghent found $380,000 in cash that had been left behind unclaimed from when the building had housed a bank almost 10 years ago. Ferhat Kaya, 33, had bought the property, a former branch of the Dexia bank, at a cost of $225,000 to house his accounting firm and before accepting the keys turned down the estate agent's quote of $4,500 to remove an old safe.

Instead he called two close friends, the brothers Murat and Hurun Tufan to remove the metal vault. "When the vault was open it revealed bags of 20 and 50 euro bills," said Murat Tufan. "The receipts were still there, dated December 31, 2001. We started counting, and it came to some 300,000 euros."

After speaking to his Turkish father, Mr Kaya decided to call the police even though it would have been easy to keep the cash as it had been lost and left unwanted by the bank for almost a decade. "My friends and I thought we would really make a statement with it: that even immigrants are people that say honesty is the best policy," he said. Ulrike Pomm�e, a spokesman for Belgium's Dexia Bank, said that an investigation had been opened but suggested that no trace of money would ever be found.

"We want to determine what happened. It is probably a human error. But the investigation will not be easy, because the money is from 2001. A repeat of this incident is not possible with current procedures," she said. We will carry out the investigation and then see if there will be a decision to give him a reward for reporting the money to police straight away."

Elk rescued from frozen Oregon pond

An elk trapped in a frozen pond in Bend is running free again thanks to the help of rescuers.

Police were called to the Awbrey Glen Golf Course after an elk fell through the ice and became trapped in the pond.

Bend police officers eventually used a boat and tried to help move the elk toward land as it struggled in the icy water. After wrapping a rope around the elk's neck, they pulled the animal to safety.

The elk still struggled to keep its balance once out of the water but eventually ran back into the woods.

Men get 3 hrs of orgasm in their lifetime

A man gets just an average of less than three hours of orgasm throughout his lifetime, according to China Press.

Orgasm is the physical and emotional sensation experienced at the peak of sexual excitement.

Singapore Gleneagles Hospital gynaecologist Dr Fang Zhuang Wei said that due to busy lifestyles these days, couples were only sexually active before and immediately after their marriage, reports the Star Online.

For instance, he said if a man had an average orgasm of about 2.5 seconds over 40 years (from age 18 to 58), and had sex twice weekly with his wife, he would enjoy two hours, 53 minutes and 20 seconds of orgasm in his lifetime.

According to a Chinese online media report, if a man can live up to 78 years old and has a 2.02 seconds of orgasm each time he has sex, doctors in China estimated the man would have 16 hours of orgasm in total.

VIDEO: Addicted to Eating Toilet Paper

Air New Zealand pulls 'Fares lower than grandma's boobs' ad

An Air New Zealand ad offering fares "lower than grandma's boobs" has been pulled after a campaign by outraged locals. The billboard, advertising Air New Zealand's cheap seat website Grabaseat, appeared in Nelson, New Zealand.

Local Jacquetta Bell deemed the slogan "sexist" and "offensive" and started an email campaign against the website. Grabaseat manager Duane Perrott said the slogan had come from a competition winner in Wellington, whose grandmother lives in Nelson.

"What this person thought was funny, as did many others, clearly didn't resonate with some individuals today, and Grabaseat will be removing the billboard shortly," Mr Perrott said. "We apologise if any offence was caused."

Ms Bell said she was pleased the billboard was going to be pulled and that older women had sent Air New Zealand a strong message. "The overwhelming message was they (Grabaseat) wouldn't say the same thing for men; like 'Fares as low as your granddad's willy'. They didn't think older women were important," Ms Bell said.

Blizzard fills family's home with snow

No one really enjoys shovelling snow out of their driveway and sidewalk. But how about shovelling about five inches from the inside of a house? The home of a couple in Newell, Iowa got filled with snow while they were out of town. But some generous family members cleaned up the mess for them.

"We were out of town just for the weekend visiting our daughter in Chicago and her family and my husband had asked Jim, his brother, to check, make sure the furnace is running and see how the dog was we had left him in the garage," said Betty Ehlers. Strong blizzard winds pushed the door open, letting all kinds of snow make its way inside their house.

While Steve and Betty Ehlers drove back to their home near Newell, Iowa, Jim Ehlers and his wife spent the morning cleaning up the mess, which made its way into cupboards and closets, under doors and in drawers. When they got home, Jim and his wife had all the snow out of the house. The next day they saw the pictures.

Luckily, the damage done by mother nature is minimal, but they say it could have been worse. The couple says surprisingly they only have to replace a kitchen faucet and the flooring in the kitchen and hallway.

JOKE:

A little old Jewish lady sells pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man leaves his office building at lunch time, and as he passes the pretzel stand, he leaves her a quarter, but never take a pretzel. They never exchange a word. This goes on for more than three years.

One day, as the young man passes the old lady's stand and leaves his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady finally speaks to him.

"Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has gone up to 35 cents."

VIDEO: OOPSIE

Rally Car Rolls Into River - Watch more Funny Videos

VIDEO: Dog Janitor

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

VIDEO: Baby Loves to Rock

VIDEO: Grandpa loves his new towel...

Injured dog's selflessness draws tears

She was a young, homeless single mother trying to raise a family of five, but true to the spirit of the season there was room for one more. Esperanza had been badly injured when she was hit by a car, but the young shepherd-cross with the thick white coat was still caring for her newborn puppies - and a kitten - when she was found on a central Alberta, Canada reserve.

Criss Gerwing, who runs a small animal rescue group, discovered the dog earlier this month and couldn't believe it when the canine led her to her blended brood. "I cried because she was in such bad condition with her leg, but she was obviously nursing her puppies and this kitten," Gerwing told a media outlet.

Gerwing took the entire family to the Edmonton Humane Society, where veterinarians thought they'd have to amputate the mother dog's bad leg. But local vet Dr. Milton Ness volunteered to do a special surgery that saved Esperanza's hind quarter. He calls her a "special soul."

Shawna Randolph at the humane society couldn't agree more. "She is such a sweet, sweet dog. She has such a wonderful personality," Randoph said. "It's amazing when you think about it. You have this dog who is just so giving of herself, caring for these newborn puppies and the kitten, making sure they were cared for even though she was obviously in a lot of pain."

VIDEO: Snow Foxes in a South London Garden

Swedish medical students perform professor's autopsy

Medical students at Stockholm's Karolinska Institute (KI) set to perform their first-ever clinical autopsy were floored to discover that the corpse was none other than one of their former instructors.

According to the course coordinators, the incident was "extremely unfortunate," but they assert that the name of the body is always communicated in advance of each autopsy.

A medical student's first autopsy tends to be an intense and trying experience in itself. The revelation that the body was their former instructor made the occasion all the more difficult.

"I was super-shocked," one of the students told the TT news agency about his reaction when he saw the body on the bench.

None of the students spoke up when the autopsy technician got to work. However, several testified that the mood was tense and they began whispering to each other. They then tried to concentrate on the task at hand.

"The first autopsy is very emotional and we autopsied someone we knew," another student told TT.

Several students admitted that they have thought a lot about the incident afterward and wonder whether it was really proper for them to have been exposed to such a situation.

"I spontaneously feel that something fell through the cracks in the procedures," one student confessed.

Professor Birgitta Sundelin, the chief physician who was responsible for the course at the time, regrets the incident.

"It was extremely unfortunate. This is the first time I have encountered something like this," she said.

She said that it is routine to tell the class the name of the person to be autopsied ahead of time and that the school did so in this case. However, according to the students, they did not see the name until they could read it from the corpse's toe tag.

In addition, no one at KI had informed the hospital that the students would possibly be offended by the subject whose autopsy they going to perform.

Professor Tina Dalianis, the head of the department, has been informed of the incident. She said she sympathises with the students and that the incident must have been extremely difficult for them, but she does not think that the school has done anything wrong.

"It is really terrible, but it is part of education sometimes. Unfortunately, they must deal with it," she said.

The president of Sweden's Medical Students Association (Medicine Studerandes F�rbund, MSF) was outraged by the school's response.

"Very unfortunate. Students should not have to feel uneasy during their education," said Maria Ehlin Kolk, who is also a medical student at Ume� University.

"It is important that an autopsy truly be the educational opportunity that it should be. The question is how much these students learned from the situation," she added.

Kolk thinks it sounds like KI need to tighten up its procedures and tell students in advance that they have the right to speak up if they know the person on the autopsy table.

"All universities should work out such procedures and documents," she said.