JOKE: These Things My Father Said

A couple had marital problems so they visited a counselor who first spoke to the wife alone. "You've been married twenty years; what's the problem?"

She replied, "My husband drives me crazy! Whenever we go out, he stares at the floor and refuses to go near anyone else. And, he picks his nose, even in public. And, when we make love, he never lets me be on top! Just once, I want to be in control!"

The counselor said, "Thank you. Now I'll speak with your husband."

The husband entered and sat down. "Your wife says you're driving her crazy." The husband looked shocked.

"What?! For twenty years, I've been loving and considerate and given her what she wanted! What's her problem?" The counselor related her complaints. The husband looked concerned.

"These are things my father told me on his death bed and I swore I'd obey him."

"Exactly what did your father say?"

"He said I should never step on anyone's toes!"

The counselor said, "Actually, that means that you shouldn't do anything that would anger another."

The husband looked sheepish. "Oh. Okay."

The counselor continued, "What about picking your nose?"

"My father told me to keep my nose clean."

"No, that meant you shouldn't indulge in criminal behavior."

"Oh." The husband felt dumb.

"But why won't you allow your wife to be on top during lovemaking?"

The husband looked serious. "That was the last thing my father told me on his deathbed."

"Exactly what did he say?"

"With his dying breath, he told me, 'Don't screw up'!"