JOKE: There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he loved to play Golf .One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels.

He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.

He asked, 'Why are you so happy anyway?'

He said, 'I'm NOT happy!

My balls itch!!

VIDEO: Screaming Wife Takes A 185 MPH Ride Around Daytona Speedway

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VIDEO: Flying People in New York City

VIDEO: First Ever Front Flip on a Snowmobile..

VIDEO: Fawn Rescue

"Fawn rescued from pool on its last breath and reunited with its mother."

VIDEO: This is impossible...

Pythons apparently wiping out Everglades mammals

A burgeoning population of huge pythons — many of them pets that were turned loose by their owners when they got too big — appears to be wiping out large numbers of raccoons, opossums, bobcats and other mammals in the Everglades, a study says.

The study, published Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that sightings of medium-size mammals are down dramatically — as much as 99 percent, in some cases — in areas where pythons and other large, non-native constrictor snakes are known to be lurking.

Scientists fear the pythons could disrupt the food chain and upset the Everglades' environmental balance in ways difficult to predict.

"The effects of declining mammal populations on the overall Everglades ecosystem, which extends well beyond the national park boundaries, are likely profound," said John Willson, a research scientist at Virginia Tech University and co-author of the study.

Tens of thousands of Burmese pythons, which are native to Southeast Asia, are believed to be living in the Everglades, where they thrive in the warm, humid climate. While many were apparently released by their owners, others may have escaped from pet shops during Hurricane Andrew in 1992 and have been reproducing ever since.

Burmese pythons can grow to be 26 feet long and more than 200 pounds, and they have been known to swallow animals as large as alligators. They and other constrictor snakes kill their prey by coiling around it and suffocating it.

The National Park Service has counted 1,825 Burmese pythons that have been caught in and around Everglades National Park since 2000. Among the largest so far was a 156-pound, 16.4-foot one captured earlier this month.

For the study, researchers drove 39,000 miles along Everglades-area roads from 2003 through 2011, counting wildlife spotted along the way and comparing the results with surveys conducted on the same routes in 1996 and 1997.

In this November 14, 2009 photo provided by the University of Florida, University of Florida researchers hold a 162-pound Burmese python captured in Everglades National Park, Fla. Therese Walters, left, Alex Wolf and Michael R. Rochford, right, are holding the 15-foot snake shortly after the python ate an alligator. 

The researchers found staggering declines in animal sightings: a drop of 99.3 percent among raccoons, 98.9 percent for opossums, 94.1 percent for white-tailed deer and 87.5 percent for bobcats. Along roads where python populations are believed to be smaller, declines were lower but still notable.

Rabbits and foxes, which were commonly spotted in 1996 and 1997, were not seen at all in the later counts. Researchers noted slight increases in coyotes, Florida panthers, rodents and other mammals, but discounted that finding because so few were spotted overall.

"The magnitude of these declines underscores the apparent incredible density of pythons in Everglades National Park," said Michael Dorcas, a professor at Davidson College in North Carolina and lead author of the study.

Although scientists cannot definitively say the pythons are killing off the mammals, the snakes are the prime suspect. The increase in pythons coincides with the mammals' decrease, and the decline appears to grow in magnitude with the size of the snakes' population in an area. A single disease appears unlikely to be the cause since several species were affected.

The report says the effect on the overall ecosystem is hard to predict. Declines among bobcats and foxes, which eat rabbits, could be linked to pythons' feasting on rabbits. On the flip side, declines among raccoons, which eat eggs, may help some turtles, crocodiles and birds.

Scientists point with concern to what happened in Guam, where the invasive brown tree snake has killed off birds, bats and lizards that pollinated trees and flowers and dispersed seeds. That has led to declines in native trees, fish-eating birds and certain plants.

In 2010, Florida banned private ownership of Burmese pythons. Earlier this month, U.S. Interior Secretary Ken Salazar announced a federal ban on the import of Burmese pythons and three other snakes.

Salazar said Monday that the study shows why such restrictions were needed.

"This study paints a stark picture of the real damage that Burmese pythons are causing to native wildlife and the Florida economy," he said.

VIDEO: Awesome Family Makes Music Together

JOKE: A man left for work one Friday afternoon

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

VIDEO: BUBBLE SOCCER ...NOW ISN'T THIS MORE INTERESTING?

VIDEO: Slain officer's final act of kindness

VIDEO: Sh*t Politicians Say

JOKE: An Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery

An Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery but, prior to the surgery, the doctors needed a store of his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare blood type, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states. Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, some diamonds and a stack of US dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds and money... But you only gave me a thank-you card and a jar of candies".

To this the Arab replied: "Aye,but now I have Scottish blood in my veins".

VIDEO: Parrot Lectures Owner About Poop

VIDEO: World's Coolest Cat

VIDEO: Sheep Herding Rabbit..Funny!

JOKE: One day Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach

One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her

Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed

up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo

and behold a genie popped out.

"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released

me, I will grant you one wish."

"Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a

while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these

love handles."

"Your wish is my command," said the genie. A wave of his hands,

a puff of smoke...and her ears fell off.

VIDEO: My mom said I could...

VIDEO: SHOPPING LIST PRANKS

VIDEO: The Kiss...

VIDEO: Surfing Biggest Waves Ever..Teahupoo..HD

VIDEO: Amazing Radio Controlled Bird

VIDEO: 19-Year-Old Boy Shows Off His 68-Year-Old Girlfriend

JOKE: Senility

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'

'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'

******************

On their way to getting married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out,' and he leaves.

The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered. 'Are we stuck together forever?'

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

'Great!' says the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

'What's wrong?' ask the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?'

WILD TURKEY AND COKE ANYONE?

VIDEO: A Train Load of Tanks..WTF?

What's Going On Here??

VIDEO: Amazing Mini Band..8-10 Year Olds

VIDEO: Baby Ninja

VIDEO: Laser Pointer Hack! Funny

VIDEO: Dog Watches Marmaduke On TV

MrBradlittlejohn says he came home, and like so many people after work, turned on the TV and went to get something to eat. When he came back he found his dog Smitty deeply engrossed watching Marmaduke, and, as a result, was stuck watching the whole movie.

VIDEO: Wastelander Panda Prologue..Watch This!

VIDEO: Extreme Idiots Compilation

VIDEO: Guitar Swing Fail

When done correctly, swinging your guitar around yourself can add much needed flair and pizzazz to your on stage performance. And when done incorrectly, you look like a fool who just broke a decent guitar.

JOKE: Obama was out jogging one morning

Barak Obama was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offeredthe kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland. 'Barak said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special airplane.

The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Jordan shoes.. Barak said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!'

The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!'.... Barak was a little perplexed by this and said,

But you don't look like you're handicapped.'

The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning'.

VIDEO: Cat vs. Bird , Bird Win

VIDEO: When Driving in Chechnya...Don't Forget Your AK-47

VIDEO: Adorable Snoring Dormouse

VIDEO: Worst Church Singer Ever

Teen Calls 911 When She Hears Mom Having Sex

A Florida teenager who called 911 last week asked police to place her in a Christian children’s shelter because she “heard her mother having sex.” Responding to a domestic disturbance call on Thursday at around 4 AM, a police officer questioned the mother and daughter at their Panama City residence, according to a police report. 

The duo had been involved in a “verbal altercation,” it was noted. The girl, 15, told an officer that she wanted to go to a local shelter “because she heard her mother having sex” and “felt disrespected” by her 35-year-old parent’s actions. 

The girl acknowledged that “there was no form of abuse or neglect in the house.” The mother explained to police that she had invited her boyfriend over and “sometime during the visit, her daughter heard them having sex and became upset.” The woman added that “their bedrooms are next to each other and she didn’t intend to wake her daughter up.”

After speaking with a representative from the shelter, the teen decided that she did not want to leave her home because “it was almost time for school.” The Panama City Police Department reported leaving a domestic rights brochure at the residence.

got your ears on?

Arizona inmate arrested for refusing to leave lockup..no kidding!

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. - Most people can't wait to leave jail, but one northern Arizona inmate has been charged with trespassing after refusing to leave the Coconino County lockup.

Coconino County Sheriff's Office spokesman Gerry Blair says 44-year-old Martin Batieni Kombate was arrested in Flagstaff last week for trespassing and was scheduled for release Monday on his own recognizance on the charge.

But when detention officers from the sheriff's office showed up to escort him out, Kombate allegedly said he wasn't leaving and was staying because he couldn't find his wallet.

Blair tells The Associated Press that Kombate was disorderly in a jail cell, would not leave, so the police were called and Kombate was arrested.

Blair says Kombate remains in jail.

Put him in Sheriff Joe's House. He definitely won't want to stay!

http://www.mcso.org/Mugshot/

Bogus Heart Specialist Actually a Carpenter.. Practiced Medicine for 30 Years

A bogus doctor who operated as a heart specialist for more than 30 years has been exposed as a carpenter without a single medical qualification to his name.

Self-styled expert Vladimiro Colloca, 58, is understood to have been consulted by thousands of patients around Milan, Italy, in three decades of posing as a cardiac specialist, say prosecutors.

He was caught out when some of his patients mentioned him in consultations with real heart experts, who had never heard of him.

Police are now investigating his extensive patient records to establish if any of them died or suffered as a result of his treatment.

JOKE: Don't Laugh

A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh."

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor has ever seen. Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what

seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen."

Prank Video: Dog Eat Dog

VIDEO: Fat Squirrel Stuck In Bird Feeder

VIDEO: Accident And Aftermath Caught On Camera..Apparently a DUI

Action Starts At 2.24

Somewhere In Brazil.

VIDEO: Grizzly bear and wolf prey on baby elk Lake Louise, Alberta, Canada.

"When the video starts the baby elk is about to be wounded by the wolf but gets away and gets some distance. Soon after hearing the baby elk crying the grizzly bear decides to go after it with no regard for itself or the wolf. At the end of the video the elk gains some distance but ends up on shore with the wolf waiting on the train tracks and the grizzly bear eventually catching up. Not sure exactly who wins but its definitely not the elk."

Lady has her baby monkey baptised

JOKE: TYPICAL MAN STORY

A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend,decided to take a holiday.He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is; until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing; only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'

She replied, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.'

'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.'

'Oh,this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of raw

material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.'

'But, where did you get the tools?'

'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the

island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.'

The guy is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually,

'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?'

'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed. 'I can't take another drop of coconut juice.'

'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?'

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor in the bathroom cabinet.'

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom.

There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months.You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now,something you've been longing for?'

She stares into his eyes...

He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes...

'F ***king hell, don't tell me you've got ESPN Sports?'

VIDEO: The Cookie Thief

This squirrel came into my house and would do anything to get a chocolate chip cookie.

VIDEO: GRAFFIC..Cops Kill Man Outside a Restaurant This Morning..GRAFFIC

Police were called to the Carl's Jr. in Monterey Park around 9:30 a.m. after receiving a report that the unidentified man was breaking windows at the restaurant.

When he emerged from the fast food place, the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department said in a news release they ordered him to drop what they described as a three-foot metal bar.

When he refused, they attempted to Taser him, the news release said. Police say he then swung the bar twice at an officer, causing the cops to open fire.

The man was shot five times, KTLA 5 News reported. He was rushed to the hospital, where he was pronounced dead.

CLASSIC VIDEO: Bulldozer Rampage

VIDEO: Rescuing little Will - a dog with a broken leg

http://www.hopeforpaws.org

http://www.youtube.com/eldad75

British Soldier Got a Piece of Ass..Iraq Wants it Back, Saying Saddam Hussein's Butt is a Cultural Antiquity

A former soldier who seized a buttock from Saddam Hussein's statue was told by the Iraqi government to give it back.

Nigel "Spud" Ely was part of Britain's elite commando regiment guarding a camera crew in April 2003 as it filmed jubilant Iraqis pulling down the giant statue in Baghdad.

Ely, from Derby in central England, picked up a two-foot (0.6-meter) lump of bronze that had formed part of the tyrant's backside and took it back to the UK.

Now the Iraqi government is claiming the metal chunk is a piece of the country's "cultural antiquity" and demanding that he return it or face possible theft charges.

Ely, now 52, has been interviewed by local police after the Iraqi embassy made a complaint.

He tried unsuccessfully to auction it last year in aid of injured troops.

He said, "If the Iraqis want to split the proceeds to give some to Iraqi charities, I am happy to listen."

VIDEO: Teddy the Talking Porcupine Loves Valentine's Day Treats

VIDEO: Toddler Likes and Imitates Freddie Mercury

VIDEO: Amazing video of baby surviving being hit by train

A six-month-old boy has miraculously survived a train slamming into his pram after it rolled off an Australian railway platform.

The collision happened as a city-bound service pulled up to Ashburton station, in a Melbourne suburb.

CCTV footage shows the boy's mother taking her hands off the three-wheeler pram's handles and failing to notice as it slowly edges towards the tracks.

The mum suddenly spots the baby carrier picking up speed and she rushes with outstretched arms to try to save her young child.

Luckily, he was strapped into his pram at the time, which probably saved his life.

But the pram tips over the edge of the platform and the baby slams onto the tracks head first.

Before the boy can be rescued, the train powers past, horrifying the mother and other waiting passengers.

The footage ends with the frantic mum and a man running up to the driver, who has just stopped the 250-ton vehicle.

Australia's Herald Sun said the train ploughed into the pram at about 35km/h, dragging the child along beneath the front carriage.

But the boy was hauled from the tracks with little more than a bump on his head.

Paramedic Jon Wright said the six-month-old just "needed a feed and a nap".

"Luckily, he was strapped into his pram at the time, which probably saved his life. I think the child's extremely lucky," the paramedic told the paper.

"Fortunately the train was slowing as it pulled into the station."

Rail firm Connex is to investigate how the pram rolled off the platform and the train driver will be offered counselling.

VIDEO: Janet Needs A Bone Marrow Transplant..Maybe You Can Be the One to Save Her

Janet has received the worst news from her doctor. Unless she gets a bone marrow transplant soon, she could die within the next two months. Janet is truly crushed and terrified, and has turned to the Internet for help with this plea video.

Here are some helpful resources to register:

http://marrow.org/Join/Join_Now/Join_Now.aspx
http://www.asianmarrow.org/index.php/list-of-drives
http://www.aadp.org/drive/

Follow Janet on Facebook & "like" her page to keep updated with her!
https://www.facebook.com/helpingjanet
http://janetliang.wordpress.com/

http://www.helpingjanet.com/

PRANK VIDEO: Car Runs On Corn

JOKE: FIXING THE SPLINTER

Little Bobby walks into the kitchen where his mom is fixing dinner. "Mom, I got a splinter in my finger. Can I have a glass of cider?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to pull it out?"

"No thanks, just the cider."

So she gives him the cider and watches him trot contentedly off.

Ten minutes later Bobby returns once again and asks for a glass of cider. The mother complies with her son's wishes again, but her curiosity has been piqued to the point where she can't resist knowing why any longer. So she wanders into the family room and sees her son sitting in front of the TV with his finger in the glass.

"Why on earth do you have your finger in that glass," she asks?

"Well, Mom, I heard Sis on the phone say that whenever she has a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."

VIDEO: All Cameras Agree..YESSSSSSSSSSSSS....GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

VIDEO: Surprise Salad

CLASSIC VIDEO: THE DANCING BIRD

VIDEO: Boomer the Mascot Ends Game Before it Begins

Indiana Pacers mascot Boomer put on quite a show for New Palestine High School on Friday night . . . but it was shorter than expected.

On his first dunk, the fuzzy blue-and-yellow cat earned his nickname by tearing down the rim, leaving tiny pieces of the backboard scattered on the court and the teams headed to the auxiliary gym to finish the game.

"I didn't think he came down on it so hard, but it went bloof," New Palestine athletic director Al Cooper said. "I'm sitting there thinking, 'There's no manual for this one.' But we had the (auxiliary) gym set up because we had a freshman game during the (junior varsity) game. It turned out to be a seamless transition."

Cooper praised the Pacers and Boomer for how they handled the situation. Boomer signed autographs throughout the second half, and the Pacers will refund the appearance fee and replace the backboard Monday, according to Cooper. New Palestine doesn't play at home again for two weeks, so there will be no disruption in the schedule.

"It was a positive out of a chaotic situation," Cooper said as the Dragons went on to a 70-45 victory over Triton Central. "Boomer did a great job and the Pacers have been wonderful."

JOKE: Father, it has been one month since my last confession

"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month."

"You are forgiven, my son. Go and say three Hail Mary's." Soon after, another man enters the confessional.

"Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest asks, "Who is Nookie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replies.

"Ah. Very well," sighs the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a gorgeous, tall woman enters the sanctuary wearing a short skirt with shiny emerald shoes. Every man's eyes follow her as she sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest keeping her legs slightly spread apart.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?"

And the bug-eyed altar boy replies, "Nah, I think it's more like a reflection off her shoes!"

VIDEO: Man shoots nail into brain keeps working

A suburban Chicago man accidentally shot a 3.25 inch nail into his brain but is recovering after doctors successfully removed it from the center of his brain. Dante Autullo, 34, was in his workshop when a nail gun recoiled near his head.

But he had no idea the nail had entered his brain until the next day, when he began feeling nauseous. Doctors told Mr Autullo that the nail came within millimeters of the area used for motor function. His fiancee, Gail Glaenzer, said that he was in good spirits after the two-hour surgery to remove the nail at Advocate Christ Medical Center in Oak Lawn, Illinois.

"He feels good. He moved all his limbs, he's talking normal, he remembers everything," she said. "It's amazing, a miracle." Ms Glaenzer said she had no idea the nail had entered his skull when she cleaned a cut on his forehead. She convinced him to go to the hospital after he felt nauseous for much of Wednesday.

Mr Autullo thought that the nail gun had simply hit his forehead, but realized later that when the gun came in contact with his head, the sensor recognized a flat surface and fired. While there are pain-sensitive nerves on a person's skull, there are none within the brain itself. Hospital spokesman Mike Maggio said the part of the skull that was removed for surgery had to be replaced with a titanium mesh amid worries that it might have been contaminated by the nail.

VIDEO: Yosemite Timelapse HD

VIDEO: Golf War..Silly..Funny

VIDEO: Baby Twins Make Fun Of Dad's Sneeze

Abused Dog Has a Whole New Posh Life Style Surfing and Helping Disabled Children

A young Labrador Retriever made headlines in September in a horrific case of animal abuse. Animal control officers said the dog's owners tried to amputate his hind leg without anesthesia after he was hit by a car.

He runs on his long lanky legs, tail wagging side to side. Onyx is still trying to find his balance. You can call it puppy clumsiness, but look a little closer because this pup isn't fetching waves on all fours.

"He's a whole new dog. You couldn't even imagine that this dog went through what he went through," said Dr. Daniel Slaton, Westlake Village Animal Hospital.

Onyx was found in September, tied to a wooden post with a bloody severed leg. "It literally looked like it had been chopped off with garden shears," continued Slaton.

Onyx's only chance of survival was two hours away. Dr. Daniel Slaton is an orthopedic specialist at Westlake Village Animal Hospital, in a suburb of Los Angeles.

"I remember it distinctly, the night he got here. I didn't think he was going to make it. I thought he was going to pass before I could even go to surgery. He was just so dehydrated, septic, his body was in shock because of the infection on his leg. I had never seen anything like it," he continued.

It has been been five months since Dr. Slaton saved Onyx's life by amputating his hind leg. Slaton fell in love with Onyx and later adopted him.

While Onyx may only have three legs, he is not 'ruffing' it by any means. "It's the biggest rags to riches story you can get for a dog," explained Slaton.

Onyx is living the life of luxury at The Barkley Pet Hotel and Day Spa. He spends his time in doggy day care and taking surfing lessons. "When I first got with him, I thought, a three-legged dog surfing?" said Larry Brambles, Onyx's Surf Dog Handler.

It turns out, Onyx has incredible balance. "He is such a happy dog now, running and jumping and wagging his tail. He just can't wait to get into the water," continued Brambles.

When Onyx isn't preparing to paddle out to sea, the pampered pooch is turning his story of survival into something much bigger. He is training to be a therapy dog so he can be a companion for people with disabilities.

"We thought he would be a good story for kids who have lost limbs and are handicapped. There is a brighter side and you can actually live and have a good quality of life," explained Slaton.

The man who Animal Control officers say amputated Onyx's leg took a plea deal in court. Alberto Castenada was sentenced to one year in jail.

Onyx has his own Facebook page. You can follow him and track his progress at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Onyx-Slaton/337695892921427

Video: Bird Steals Show During Bluegrass Festival

A bird landed on the guitar of bluegrass musician Josh Williams while he was singing at the Doyle Lawson Bluegrass Festival in Denton, North Carolina. Williams kept his cool and finished his performance as the little song-bird sat on his guitar allowing him to pet it.

VIDEO: Getting Around in India..Family Style

Post No Bills

A council has warned residents not to attach objects to trees - in a notice attached to a tree. Islington Council said the poster in Highbury Fields, north London, had been put up "in error" by a junior worker.

It read: "Please do not attach or affix any structures or objects to the park furniture and trees at Highbury Fields including the benches and lamp posts." A council spokesman said it had now moved the notice to a nearby noticeboard. The notice, which asked residents to respect the park and be responsible, was spotted by Nadi Jahangiri, an architect who lives nearby.

He said: "A lot of people have been putting signs up on the trees about lost cats and so on with drawing pins - it really annoys me. I walked up to it to rip it down, only to find it was telling people not to attach anything to trees! He continued: "Lots of people soon gathered around laughing.

"There was lots of grumpy huffiness and indignation about our taxes being used for this. If you want to stop someone doing something, doing it yourself is an odd way to go about it - but that's Islington Council for you." A spokesman for the council said: "This was a mistake by a junior member of staff who thought they were doing the right thing to protect the trees."

Dog Sh*t Village gets new name

A town known officially as Dog Sh*t Village in western China because life there is so hard have been rewarded by local governors who have renamed the place.

The village, Goushi Zhai, in remote Guizhou province, has spent a year building new roads, improving homes and supporting local businesses and says it no longer deserves its name.

"It started as a nickname because life here was very tough but gradually it became what everyone called us, even the government and the police on their maps," explained one village elder.

Now government officials have approved a permanent name change to Jinxin Village, which means to put your heart and soul into something in Mandarin.

JOKE: An angel appears at a faculty meeting ...

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice: either infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "So be it!" says the angel and disappears. All eyes stare at the dean. Finally a colleague whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money!"

***********

"Oh, Mom!" sobbed the hot young blonde, her young bosom heaving in chagrin. "I'm pregnant!" "What!? Are you sure?" screamed her mother. "Who's the father?" "How should I know? You're the one who wouldn't let me go steady!"

***********

A man walked into a bar with an alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the customer, "Give me a beer, and my 'gator'll have a lawyer!"

***********

You only need to mumble a few words in a church to get married -- and a few more in your sleep to get divorced!

***********

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JOKE: A fellow stops by to visit his friend

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my shoes please?"

The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me up here to make love to you!"

They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"

He replies, "OK, let's check!"

He shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of them?"

The reply comes back, "Yes, both of them!"

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VIDEO: Trent Arsenault, A 'Donorsexual', Has Fathered 14 Kids, But Claims He's A Virgin

Trent Arsenault has fathered 14 kids, but has never known the joys of intimacy.

Yes, this self-proclaimed "donorsexual" is a 36-year-old virgin despite his impressive success at reproducing.

Arsenault, a Silicon Valley computer security specialist, told an incredulous Anderson Cooper that he has never had a sex partner and feels it's his duty to the couples who use his sperm not to deplete the supply.

"I've committed 100 percent of my sexual energy for producing sperm for childless couples to have babies. So I don't have other activity outside of that," he said, adding that he will probably be a 40-year-old virgin with 15 kids, according to Newser.com.

Arsenault doesn't charge for his baby batter, but his unconventional methods have spurred the Food and Drug Administration to issue a cease-and-desist order, the San Jose Mercury News reports.

The FDA alleges that Arsenault did not take the legally required precautions to prevent the spread of communicable diseases.

Although Arsenault has attracted sympathy from various people who believe the FDA's edict sets a dangerous precedent, other activities of his have aroused controversy, such as the 100-plus videos he has posted online showing him masturbating with unusual aids such as a water polo ball and frozen packs of organic blueberries.

Regardless of what happens, Arsenault may believe the end result justifies the means, especially after he met one of his donor children for the first time at the taping for "Anderson."

"I'm trying not to get too emotional," he told Radar Online. "I'm just extremely happy that she's healthy and in a loving home. I hope she has the gene of compassion and her parents nurture that."

Mom of the Year Brings 5 Year Old on Bank Heist

State child welfare officials said Saturday they are investigating a report that a Lake County woman brought her 5-year-old son with her while she accompanied her boyfriend on a bank robbery.

Lauri L. Ruble, of Antioch, and Brandon Stancliff have been charged in federal court with robbing Wauconda Community Bank in Island Lake on Dec. 29. Ruble was ordered released on $5,000 bail Thursday.

Ruble allegedly told the FBI she was upset with herself for putting her son in danger. The Illinois Department of Children and Family Services is investigating allegations of abuse and neglect against the couple, a spokesman said.

The spokesman said he could not comment on the boy’s status.

Ruble allegedly told the FBI that Stancliff grabbed a bandana and butcher knife from her kitchen and they both left her home with her son to rob the bank. She put her son in a car seat and they drove to the bank, she said.

Ruble went into the bank asking whether there was a change-counting machine — a ruse to learn how many tellers were there, according to an FBI affidavit. Stancliff then went into the bank with the orange bandana covering his tattooed face, authorities said. He allegedly displayed the knife, demanded money and fled with $4,800. An informant seeking a reward identified Ruble and Stancliff as the suspects, the FBI said. They were arrested Dec. 30.

It wasn’t the first time a woman allegedly brought a child with her to a robbery in the Chicago area. In 2007, Lyndsey Tucker was charged with robbing a Lake in the Hills bank with a knife while her 4-year-old daughter sat in the SUV she was driving. Tucker was sentenced to 53 months in prison.

JOKE: A man goes to see the Rabbi

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said "yes", and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

GOT CAPTION? 1/18 v.2.0

VIDEO: BASE JUMP CRASH..IT DOES HAPPEN..HE DID SURVIVE

Wingsuit flyer Jeb Corliss crashed into Table Mountain in South Africa on Monday morning. He survived, but broke both legs.

Corliss, one of the best BASE jumpers in the world, was being filmed by HBO when the accident happened. Jeb reportedly leaped safely from Table Mountain when he was either blown off course by a gust of wind, or got too close to the mountain.

It was his second jump from the Cape Town landmark. After the first one, he posted this picture on his Facebook wall, with a caption: “How low can you go :) Table mountain day two :)”

A Table Mountain spokesperson said Corliss was lucky to be alive after he fell more than 200 feet before hitting the rocks. He managed to release his emergency chute, otherwise he’d be dead.

He was recovered by air ambulance and taken to a private hospital, where he was admitted to intensive care. A spokesman for the hospital said that he remained in good spirits, and instructed her to tell well-wishers: “I feel the best I ever have.”

This video, shot from a distant angle, shows what happened. Corliss is wearing a black suit, cameraman Jeff Nebelkopf is in blue:

Jeb Corliss on Conan O'Brien

*My Favorite Animal*

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...

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JOKE: A Obama supporter walked into a hospital

An Obama supporter walked into a hospital and told the desk nurse, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."

"There is no such doctor" she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"

"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says.

"But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor."

No help. He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."

They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: "Sir, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one, why would you want to see him?"

"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing something different."

VIDEO: Watch A Cobra Race Car Tumble At 130 MPH

Massive component failures in race cars are thankfully rare, because when they happen at speed the result can be brutal. Just ask Pete Tryce. Or, better yet, watch him flip his kit-car Cobra at 130 mph early this month at Willow Springs.

Seeing a bad roll from the outside is scary enough. Seeing one from the inside is a whole new perspective on the violence and suddenness of a crash. This is no drawn-out Hollywood stunt; just six seconds of a car bashing itself to death and a driver proving once again how important it is to wear a safety harness and a good helmet.

What's left of the car is now for sale, presumably with a special note in its on-track logbook. Make an offer.

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VIDEO: 87 year old refuses to give up license..3 days later he hits and kills girl on sidewalk

Teenager Cassie McCord was killed by an 87-year-old motorist who drove into her as she walked on the sidewalk - three days after he refused to surrender his license to police.

Colin Horsfall had been in a minor accident and failed an on-the-spot eye test but held onto his driving licence, an inquest heard.

Cassie, a 16-year-old student who wanted to be a lawyer, was on her way to college where she was studying for five AS levels when she was hit by the car. She died from severe head injuries the day after Mr Horsfall swerved on to the sidewalk, hitting her and another pedestrian.

The inquest was told that three days earlier Mr Horsfall had been involved in an accident and refused to turn over his driving license.

PC Daniel Bellingham was called to the Tesco petrol station in High Woods after the accident.

PC Bellingham said Mr Horsfall had told him: "I had gone to get fuel but I missed my turning so went in the back. As I went to press the brake my foot slipped on to the accelerator."

His red Vauxhall Astra ended up among some trees. PC Bellingham said he gave Mr Horsfall a sight test, which he failed. Mr Horsfall was driven home and PC Bellingham asked him to surrender his license. "I told him I would be submitting paperwork to the DVLA. Mr Horsfall asked if he was permitted to drive," he said.

"I told him he would be better off not doing so but he asked me again directly if he was allowed to."

PC Bellingham faxed the report of the incident to the DVLA two days later on Sunday, February 6.

The following morning Mr Horsfall drove into Head Street, Colchester, and mounted the kerb.

Adam Hart was a passenger in a car in Head Street when the incident happened. Mr Hart said his wife had pulled over and he was saying goodbye when he heard a screeching.

He said: "The car seemed to be going incredibly fast, especially considering it was on the sidewalk."

Mr Hart said his wife had thought it must have been a fugitive being pursued. He added: "I did not see any brake lights come on."

Cassie was thrown into a shop window before falling onto the car. Efforts to save Cassie failed and she died in hospital on February 8. Mr Horsfall died on May 13 having never recovered from the crash.

Essex Coroner Caroline Beasley-Murray recorded a verdict of unlawful killing in the case of Cassie and that Mr Horsfall died as a result of the accident.

Cassie's mother Jackie McCord is now determined to change the law so that any unfit driver can immediately be stopped from driving.

"I want some good to come of this," said Mrs McCord, 51, who has a 10,000-name petition demanding a change in the law. "Colin Horsfall had a zimmer frame and walked with a cane. He didn't declare any illness so he kept his license."

Mrs McCord said the family struggled every day to come to terms with the loss of their "much-loved and vibrant girl. She was special."

JOKE: US Air Force recruiting

Stealth B1 Bomber

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"

The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!"

"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"

"I chop wood!"

"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"