Rectum? Damned Near Killed Him!

Rarely does a thief get more unlucky than this guy! While trying to break out of the East London Museum in South Africa, scared by the alarm that he triggered, this guy slipped from the tree he was climbing and got impaled right in his ass. The screams of the man echoed around the museum until he was heard by a man driving by who called the police. The fire department rushed to the scene and eventually had to cut the 30cm long steel spike from the fence so they can remove him. Naturally, the spike damaged his rectum and intestines, just like a bad night in prison with a tattooed guy named Manuel.

Bambi and the Gun

Texas deputies disciplined for staging hot-waitress-with-rifle pics

AUGUST 20--An impromptu photo shoot of a scantily clad waitress holding a police assault rifle has led to the firing of one Texas sheriff's deputy and the disciplining of four other lawmen. Earlier this month, a group of Midland County Sheriff's Office deputies were eating at the Twin Peaks restaurant in Round Rock when they asked a waitress to pose with an AR-15 rifle on the trunk of their police cruiser. As seen in the below photo, the 24-year-old waitress--who wore a "Bambi" nametag, short shorts, knee socks, and a revealing t-shirt--was perched on the trunk of a Midland police cruiser. The automatic weapon, which had been in the trunk of the marked Ford Crown Victoria, was handed to the waitress by Deputy Daniel Subia, who was fired for his role in the August 10 incident. Subia and his colleagues were in Williamson County for a "Criminal Interdiction" training class, according to a Round Rock Police Department report. Though the incident was originally investigated as possible misdemeanor disorderly conduct, no charges were bought against any of the Midland officers. When Round Rock cops questioned their Midland counterparts about the photo session, two Midland deputies claimed that the waitress "asked to have her picture taken with their weapon, but acknowledged they should not have agreed," according to the police report. "Bambi," however, told investigators that "the Midland deputies asked her to go outside to take pictures of her holding the weapon on their marked unit."

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0820091twinpeaks1.html

Friday's Joke

An elderly couple were driving through County Kerry, Ireland. Irene was driving when she got pulled over by the police, who asks her, 'Ma'am did you know that you were speeding?'

Irene turns to her husband, Mick and enquires, 'What did he say?'

Mick yells out, 'He says you were speeding!'
The policeman said, 'May I see your license, please ma'am?'

Irene, once again, turns to Mick and says, 'What did he say?'

Once more, Mick, shouts out, 'He wants to see your license!'

Irene gives the policeman her driving license.

The cop retorts, 'I see you are from Kerry. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had.'

For the final time, Irene turns to Mick and asks, 'What did he say?'

Mick yells very loudly, 'He thinks he knows you!'

Milkman

Criminal Pranksters Cause Millions in Damages

Tariq Malik, Pranknet's founder and leader, is pictured in a webcam still taken in his Windsor, Ontario bedroom.

AUGUST 4--At 4:15 AM on a recent Tuesday, on a quiet, darkened street in Windsor, Ontario, a man was wrapping up another long day tormenting and terrorizing strangers on the telephone. Working from a sparsely furnished two-bedroom apartment in a ramshackle building a block from the Detroit River, the man, nicknamed "Dex", heads a network of so-called pranksters who have spent more than a year engaged in an orgy of criminal activity--vandalism, threats, harassment, impersonation, hacking, and other assorted felonies and misdemeanors--targeting U.S. businesses and residents.

Coalescing in an online chat room, members of the group, known as Pranknet, use the telephone to carry out cruel and outrageous hoaxes, which they broadcast live around-the-clock on the Internet. Masquerading as hotel employees, emergency service workers, and representatives of fire alarm companies, "Dex" and his cohorts have successfully prodded unwitting victims to destroy hotel rooms and lobbies, set off sprinkler systems, activate fire alarms, and damage assorted fast food restaurants.

But while Pranknet's hoaxes have caused millions of dollars in damages, it is the group's efforts to degrade and frighten targets that makes it even more odious. For example, a bizarre July 20 prank ended with a hotel worker actually sipping from a urine sample provided by a guest at a Homewood Suites in Kentucky. Additionally, at least twice this year, fast food workers--fearing that they would suffer burns after being doused by chemicals from a fire suppression system--stripped off their clothes on the sidewalk outside their respective restaurants.

(read the rest of the story here on the Smoking Gun)

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0803091pranknet1.html

Taser Sets Man on Fire

It didn't take Lancaster Ohio police long to discover a potential danger with their newly issued stun guns: They can set their targets on fire.

One day after officers received Tasers this week, two of them were patting out the flames on Daniel Wood, a 31-year-old homeless man who reportedly had been inhaling a chemical from a spray can to get high. Wood was not seriously injured but was taken to a hospital as a precaution, said Lancaster Police Chief David Bailey.

"Clearly, this is not the way we'd hoped to get started," Bailey said. "But I'm glad the suspect is OK, and this gives us an opportunity to review how we will do things from this point."

The makers of stun guns warn that such fires are extremely rare but a risk nonetheless, and Lancaster's written policy for the department's seven new Tasers says that the devices shouldn't be used when flammable materials are evident.

Bailey said his officers acted appropriately given the situation and Wood's combative behavior.

"There was no recognition on the part of these officers that this would be the result," Bailey said. "They didn't know the vapor was present and would flash. ... It wasn't as if the suspect was doused in a chemical."

CNN reported last month that a man in Australia who had been huffing a chemical poured gasoline on himself as he charged police. An officer used a stun gun, and that man burst into flames and was seriously injured.

And a man died in Texas in 2007 after police hit him with pepper spray and then jolted him with a stun gun, according to published reports.

Authorities in both cases said the men were carrying lighters in their hands, so the source of ignition couldn't be determined for certain.

In Lancaster, the officers responded just after 8 p.m. Monday to a report of a man darting into traffic and yelling threats outside the Kmart on Memorial Drive.

When the two officers arrived, Wood was holding a can of keyboard cleaner in his hand, and one of the officers saw him inhale the chemical, according to a written report.

Wood took off running and, once caught, kicked the officers and tried to bite them, the report says. That's when an officer used his stun gun, hitting Woods in the chest and an arm with the charged prongs.

"I then observed a flame ignite and I quickly shut off the Taser," wrote the officer, identified only as H.W. Lanham. "(I) approached him and patted out the flame."

Wood has a history of disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and alcohol and drug charges in Fairfield County Municipal Court.

He was charged on Monday with resisting arrest, assaulting a police officer and abusing harmful intoxicants and taken to the Fairfield County jail. He was released about 11:30 p.m. Monday and rearrested yesterday when he failed to show up in court.

Arizona-based Taser International has sold 430,000 devices to law-enforcement officers at 14,750 agencies. Spokesman Steve Tuttle said the warnings about possible ignition are clear but that the incident described in Lancaster "is beyond freakish."

Lancaster police officers have spent the last four months training under an instructor certified by the Ohio Peace Officers Training Academy, Bailey said. Officers also had to pass a qualifying test.

Spokesmen for both the State Highway Patrol and the Columbus Division of Police, where most troopers and officers carry stun guns, said their training is extensive, and that their respective policies also warn of the risk of fire.

My Husband is Annoying: the Blog

She's airing their dirty laundry because he won't pick up his. Tiffanie Wong of Brooklyn Heights N.Y. recently started a blog to tell the world of her husband's annoying habits. It's called, not surprisingly, "My Husband Is Annoying."

Wong updates her blog every few days to lament on some of her husband's quirkier antics. "Obviously, I love the guy - I wouldn't have married him if I didn't," said Wong, 36, a technical director at CNN. "He just has annoying traits." For his part, Wong's husband, WPIX-TV reporter Mark Joyella, sees the humor in his wife's blog and has no problem with the outside world knowing of his foibles. "To me, it's kind of a tribute to all husbands," said Joyella, 43, who works for the weekend show "Toni On! New York"

"I'm sure all husbands have their own quirks." Some of Joyella's most annoying habits, according to his wife's blog, include his love of fart jokes, the fact he wears the same zip-up green sweater in every family photograph and his inability to figure out the TV remote. "I'll ask him to record a show for me and it ends up being Univision or something," Wong said. "Have you seen that remote?" Joyella countered. "It has like 50 buttons on it."

The couple met in 2003, when they worked at Channel 5 news. They started jogging together two years ago, then moved on to dating. They wed in March in a ceremony in Napa Valley, Calif. That's when Joyella really started getting on Wong's nerves. "Of course, I'm annoying - I've been saving it up my whole life," Joyella said. "Now that I'm married, I can let my guard down." Last week, Joyella bought his wife a calculator for her birthday and took her out to dinner at a fast-food joint. Rest assured, a description of the enchanting evening made its way on to the blog the following morning. Joyella said he considers the blog to be a "green light" to be even more irritating than usual. "If I'm doing something that annoys her, I can say I'm giving you material for the Web site," Joyella said. "That's okay," his wife replied. "I don't need any more material."

Married women across Brooklyn loved the idea of a blog that takes aim at annoying husbands. "A lot of married women need to vent," said Susan Green, a paralegal from East Flatbush. "My husband can be very annoying sometimes. He drops his clothes, doesn't do the dishes. I tell him to do the chores, but it doesn't work." "Maybe this would shame him into changing," she added. "He can start his own blog if he doesn't like it." Men weren't so thrilled about the idea. "Where's 'My Wife Is Annoying' or 'My Girlfriend Is Annoying'?" asked banker Chris Hanlon of Brooklyn Heights. "I feel bad for the poor guy. But it sounds like a pretty funny way to pass the time."

got a spouse with annoying habits? now's the time to vent here!

Man Jailed 90 Days..For Mints

KISSIMMEE, Fla. -- A man is suing the Kissimmee Police Department for an arrest over mints. When officers pulled Donald May over for an expired tag, they thought the mints he was chewing were crack and arrested him. May told Eyewitness News they wouldn't let him out of jail for three months until tests proved the so-called drugs were candy. May said he was just minding his business, driving home from work, when a Kissimmee police officer pulled him over near 192. "I don't know how it occurred," he said. May was pulled over for an expired tag on his car. When the officer walked up to him, he noticed something white in May's mouth. May said it was breath mints, but the officer thought it was crack cocaine. "He took them out of my mouth and put them in a baggy and locked me up [for] possession of cocaine and tampering with evidence," May explained. The officer claimed he field-tested the evidence and it tested positive for drugs. The officer said he saw May buying drugs while he was stopped at an intersection. He also stated in his report May waived his Miranda rights and voluntarily admitted to buying drugs. May said that never happened. "My client never admitted he purchased crack cocaine. Why would he say that?" attorney Adam Sudbury said. May was thrown in jail and was unable to bond out for three months. He didn't get out until he received a letter from the Florida Department of Law Enforcement and the State Attorney's Office that test results showed no drugs were found. "While I was sitting in jail I lost my apartment. I lost everything," he said. While May was behind bars, the Kissimmee Police Department towed his car and auctioned it off. He lost his job and was evicted. Now May is suing the city for false arrest and false imprisonment. He wants to be compensated for the loss of his car and job. May's attorney and the city of Kissimmee discussed a possible settlement last year, but failed to reach an agreement.

Creative Homeless Signs..in a Slideshow

Bears Tear Up Motorcycle Looking For Pizza

DENVER -- A Larimer County man said some hungry bears took a $3,000 bite out of his motorcycle Tuesday night. Glenn Wells said he took his wife out for pizza and put the leftovers in a storage compartment on the back of his Harley Davidson. The couple returned home and brought the pepperoni pizza inside. A few hours later they heard a noise and went outside to investigate. Wells said a full size bear and two cubs were trying to get inside the storage compartment -- apparently following the smell of the pizza. "The bears pulled my bike over on the right side and literally tore the tour pack off trying to get at the pizza smell," Wells said. He said he knows how important it is not to leave food outside, but said he was surprised that a bear would still be able to smell the pizza scent three hours after taking it out of the compartment.