The Baby and the Orangutan

A toddler kindled a touching friendship with the one-year-old orangutan at a sanctuary in Miami

Emily Bland was visiting The Institute of Greatly Endangered and Rare Species (T.I.G.E.R.S) in Miami, when she met one-year-old organgutan Rishi. The pair formed an immediate bond, playing, laughing and even enjoying a mid-afternoon tea party.

Older male orangutans refuse to accept new males into the family, so Rishi had to leave the Jungle Island animal park where he was born.

"I had come along to the institute to photograph Rishi who had recently been adopted into a new family and I thought it would be a good to bring Emily along," revealed 38-year-old photographer Barry Bland.

"Almost as soon as we arrived, Rishi had an instant chemistry with Emily.

"They looked completely content with each other and they sat and played with each other for a few hours.

"It was quite incredible to see such interaction and as you can see they make for the cutest pictures."

However, the unusually intimate interaction was of no surprise to T.I.G.E.R.S founder Dr Bhagavan Antle.

"I am not surprised by Rishi and Emily's friendship," reveals Dr Antle.

"Orangutans are intelligent and certainly the most friendly apes on the planet.

"The youngsters enjoy their playtime and are always looking for an opportunity experience new things and make new friends and monkey around.

"Rishi, who is the youngest of the family, is always looking for someone to play with.

"That's where Emily stepped in to provide a playmate to swing in the trees, have tea with, and go for a ride.

"All infants have the capacity to get along and as youngsters the barriers between species appear to disappear."

Orangutans are one of the most endangered species on earth.

Recent expansion of palm oil plantations and over logging of their forests in Borneo and Sumatra have created a rapidly declining habitat for the great apes.

Working in conjunction with Jungle Island, The Institute of Greatly Endangered and Rare Species is a wildlife education organisation dedicated to promoting global conservation with informative, educational and entertaining interactive programs.

Under the supervision of their handlers, animals wander freely through the T.I.G.E.R.S institute, allowing spectators to enjoy an up close and personal experience.

JOKE: A guy walks into a doctor's office...

A guy walks into a doctor's office and stutters, "Da-da-doc, I've ba-ba-been sta-sta-stuttering for ye-ye-years, and I ca-ca-can't stand it anymo-mo-more! Can you he-he-help me?"

The doctor answers "Well, I'll have to give you a thorough examination first, but in some cases there is a cure." So the doctor puts the guy through a battery of tests, and says, "I think I know what's causing your stuttering."

The guy excitedly asks, "Well, wa-wa-what is it, da- da-doctor?"

"It's your penis. I know that sounds crazy, but you have an unusually large penis - it's almost two feet long. It seems the weight is putting a strain on your vocal cords which most men never have to deal with."

The guy asks, "Wa-wa-what can we da-da-do?"

"Well, we could remove it and transplant a shorter one."

"Do it!" the guy replies. So they go through the operation, and three weeks later the guy comes in for a follow up appointment.

He says, "Doc, you solved my stuttering problem. I don't know how to thank you. But I've only had sex once in three weeks - my wife just doesn't like it anymore with my new, shorter penis. I've thought about it, and I decided I can put up with the stuttering easier than going without the sex - I want you to put my long one back on."

The doctor says, "No-no-nope. A da-da-deal's a da-da- deal!"

BLACKULA

JOKE: Jacob and the Lottery

A Jew called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray...........

"God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Jacob goes back to the synagogue............
"God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".

Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!!

Back to the synagogue................. .
"My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and my children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you.
Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???"

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself :

"JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE....BUY A DAMNED TICKET".

JOKE: I'm Pastor Fuzz

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had to much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar!"
The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."
The bartender nodded, "Hell then, if you're that far along, you might as well finish up."

A UFO CRASHED IN MY YARD !!!

A single small extraterrestrial succumbed in the crash. I have been beseiged by every federal agency known to exist. The CDC is being a huge pain in the Butt. The IRS is here taking inventory and assessing the potential value of this craft and how it affects me. The FBI have taken control and shooed away the local gendarmes but it seems everyone is fighting for position to see who controls this insane scenario. The mayor has taken this opportunity to thump his chest and stump for votes. Everyone is watching me like a hawk and this one photo is all that I've been able to get. In fact they've taken my camera and even examined my computer.One reporter even had the temerity to suggest that this space intruder was a relative. The utter gall of that guy!

The blasted media people are everywhere now and my once quiet life has been turned into utter chaos. Thoughts of a quiet Halloween have disappeared with all the big tv rigs parked in the street and the choppers constantly thwacking overhead.

More news as it becomes available. Cosmo out..

BILL COSBY'S ANSWERS TO AMERICA'S PROBLEMS

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN THE YEAR 2012..
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1). Any use of the phrase: 'Press 1 for English' is immediately BANNED!!!. English is the official language; speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can.

(2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country. America will allow NO imports, and we'll do no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' We'll make it here and sell it here!

(3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.

(4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5). Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you AIN'T gettin nuttin out. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it.

(6). Welfare. -- Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40 hour school week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades.

(7). Professional Athletes -- Steroids? The FIRST time you check positive you're banned from sports ... for life.

(8). Crime -- We will adopt the Turkish method, i.e., the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more 'life sentences'. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9). One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat. However, a bushel of wheat will be the EXACT price of a barrel of oil.

(10). All foreign aid, using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask The American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not, it's a worthy cause.

(11). The Pledge of Allegiance will be said EVERY day at school and every day in CONGRESS.

(12). The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

My apology is offered if I've stepped on anyone's toes .... nevertheless....

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

BILL COSBY

MANBABIES...LOL

Manbabies from Beef & Sage on Vimeo.

A Brilliant Animated Film..A Sundance Film Festival Winner

This way up from javier cuello on Vimeo.

My Favorite Video..I Think LOL

wingsuit base jumping from Ali on Vimeo.

**PIZZA CURES ALL**

After looking for love in all the wrong places, a man returns from the Middle East and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the Hospital to undergo tests.

The man wakes up after the tests in a private room
at the hospital. No one is around but there is a phone by his bed and it rings.

"This is your doctor. We've gotten the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely contagious and nasty STD called 'G.A.S.H.' It's a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!"

"Oh, my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do, doctor?"

"Well, we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas,
pancakes, and pita bread."

"Will that cure me???" asked the man.

The doctor replied, "Well no, but....they're the only foods we can get under the door."

the Proctologist

This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little.

Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it out and music starts playing!

"On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again..."

The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the Morgue Assistant and drags the poor guy back to the table.

"Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again.

"On the road again . . ."

The M.A. is totally unimpressed..."So what?" he says.

"Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?", the guy asked.

"Are you kidding?" says the M.A. "Any a**hole can sing country music!"

WOW..ANOTHER TOUCHY LANDING LOL

Wednesday is Animal Day I Guess

The huddled chimps pay their respects to Dorothy

More than a dozen apes watched in silence from their enclosure in Cameroon as the body of Dorothy, a chimp in her 40s, was wheeled past for burial.

Dorothy, who died of heart failure, was described as a "prominent figure" within the group of about 25 chimps at the Sanaga-Yong Chimpanzee Rescue Centre.

The photo was taken by 30-year-old Monica Szczupider.

She was working at the centre, which cares for orphaned animals whose mothers were killed for the illegal bushmeat trade. "We were burying Dorothy," Monica said. "We brought her in the wheelbarrow to let the others see. "I cannot emphasise enough how silent and still they were. Chimpanzees are typically not like that. "They are loud, with short attention spans. It was unbelievably emotional. We were all struck."

a Touching Animal Video: Suriya and Roscoe

My Kind of Band

Orianthi

Guitar Virtuoso, Santana Protege Australia's Orianthi Panagris.. is debuting her new album..I've been following her for about one year now since I first saw her play guitar with Carlos Santana. Expect great things from her!!

http://www.usatoday.com/life/music/news/2009-10-25-orianthi_N.htm?csp=34

Incidentally, Australia offers another female musical prodigy in the form of Tal Wilkenfeld, an incredible bass player, who've I've also been following for some time. She too has a very bright future..likely in jazz. I'd love to see her and Orianthi team up in the future..WOW!!

A Bird Walks Into a Store...

A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.

The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.

Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.

The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips.

Customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of chips because they think it's so funny.

Tiger Woods and the Newlyweds

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

ELECT ROBIN WILLIAMS..HE CAN SOLVE AMERICA'S PROBLEMS

Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says 'I love New York ' in Arabic.

You gotta love Robin Williams......Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)

'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.'

1) 'The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting withGermany ,South Korea , theMiddle East , and the Philippines . They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while

7) OfferSaudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH..learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

'The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' '

ITS MEATY..ITS BEATY..ITS THE PULP FICTION AUDIO MIX

Oy Vay..I Got Jewish Jokes Today

Mrs. Cohen has been suffering from arthritis. On the advice of her daughter-in-law, she goes to see Dr. Rubinstein, a specialist.

After a long visit, Dr. Rubinstein prescribes some medication and sends Mrs. Cohen on her way.

After a few weeks, Dr. Rubinstein calls Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."

Mrs. Cohen answers, "So did my arthritis!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roy Rothstein was a merchant well known for not paying his suppliers. After seeing him haggling intensely with one of those very suppliers, his friend Morton said to him, " Roy, why all the bargaining? You aren't going to pay the guy anyway."

Roy replied, "I like the guy. I want to keep down his losses." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sol Greenwood is retiring from the garment business, and leaving it to his son Stuart.

"It's all yours now son," Sol says. "I've made a good living. You know why? Because of two principles that I've always lived by: honestly and wisdom. Honesty is very important. If you promise the goods by the first of April, no matter what happens in the shop you've got to deliver them by the first of April."

"Sure Pop," Stuart says. "And what about wisdom?"

"Stuey the wisest thing you can do: don't make any promises."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A poor man managed to get an appointment with a wealthy Jewish philanthropist by insisting that he had a foolproof way for the man to make 5 million dollars.

"So let me hear your great idea," said the philanthropist.

"It's very simple," replied the pauper. "I understand that when your daughter gets married you're planning on giving her a dowry of 10 million dollars."

"Nu," said the philanthropist.

"So, I've come to tell you that I'm willing marry her for half the amount!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. Safrin was out walking with her four year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

Mrs. Safrin took the item away from her.

"Why did you do that?" the girl asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs," she replied.

At this point, the girl looked at her mother with total admiration and asked:

"Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."

Thinking quickly she replied, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

They walked along in silence for a few minutes, the girl clearly pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly," Mrs. Safrin replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A dry goods merchant from Lublin orders a consignment of goods from Warsaw. Instead of the goods however, he received a cable:

"Sorry, cannot fill order until previous order is paid for."

Regretfully, the merchant wires back: "Please cancel order. Can't wait that long."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The captain of a Syrian Air Force transport flying over the Mediterranean sends out a MAYDAY message:

"This is Syrian Air Force # 174 announcing we have lost one engine and want to land at any airport in the Middle East other than Israel!"

No answer.

A while later he announces, "This is Syrian Air Force # 174 again. We have now lost two engines and need to land at any airport in the Middle East other than Israel!"

Silence.

A short while later the captain announces, "This is Syrian Air Force #174. We are desperate. We have now lost THREE engines an urgently ask permission to land at any airport in the Middle East other than Israel!"

Still no answer.

Finally the captain calls out, "Help! This is Syrian Air Force #174. We have only one engine left and it is rapidly failing. Unless we can land we are going to crash. We need permission to land at ANY airport in the Middle East INCLUDING Israel!"

Shortly thereafter, a voice is heard in the Syrian cockpit: "Shalom Syrian Air Force # 174. This is Tel Aviv approach control. We would like to help."

"Allah is praised," says the Syrian pilot. "Please give me instructions."

"Do you speak Hebrew?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact
that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.

Trumpetlips Returns

Denise Reis is Trumpetlips

OMG! I Hope This Guy Isn't Driving

This is a bit like watching a train wreck..it's hard to turn away but geez....

a Joke for Sunday

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished ,naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.
So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
- "Did you dance much ?"
- "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."

*******OUCH********

ELEPHANT ARTIST

ANGEL..you know who you are

Firefighter Training for UFO Response

An intriguing report going around the Web again a few months after this news report was originally posted ... about a chapter in a training manual about emergency response to UFOs

.

Ohhh, If Only These Planes Could Talk!!

Ohhh, If These Planes Could Talk!! What stories they could tell..of people,of lives,of events our imaginations might not be able to grasp.

Near Tucson, Arizona, there is a resting place that houses monuments that chronicle American history from a unique perspective. It is officially called the Aerospace Maintenance And Regeneration Center, or AMARC - but it is more widely known as the Airplane Graveyard. AMARC is a joint service facility managed by the US Air Force Material Command located in Tucson. It is an aerospace storage and maintenance facility adjoining Davis-Monthan Air Force Base which provides a service to all branches of the US military (Air Force, Navy, Marines, Coast Guard and Army), as well as other national agencies. It is the largest "airplane graveyard" in the world, currently housing over 4,200 planes.

The facility was originally established in April 1946 as the 4105th Army Air Force Unit, designated as a storage location for the large number of aircraft no longer required following the end of the Second World War. This location was chosen because of its dry, arid climate which reduces corrosion - as well as the hard earth that exists here, which enables the storage of thousands of heavy aircraft without having to pour acres of concrete. In the 1950's the center supported the US in the Korean conflict by providing aircraft and aircraft spares. When the hostilities ceased, storage was once again provided for the surplus aircraft. In the mid 1960s during the escalation of the Vietnam conflict, the center was again tasked with providing aircraft and parts. As this conflict started winding down, vast quantities of aircraft were once more funneled back for storage and reclamation.

In 1981 the center once again widened its role by taking on the responsibility of preserving TITAN II, THOR and ATLAS missiles used by the Space Division for its satellite launches. A new storage facility was added at Norton Air Force Base in California, specifically for this purpose. The center's name was changed in October 1985 to the Aerospace Maintenance And Regeneration Center - its current designation. Despite its tag as a graveyard, planes are not necessarily sent here to die. Aircraft are carefully prepared for storage, with efforts made to preserve them for possible reinstatement into active duty. Even planes that may not ever see flight time again may provide valuable replacement parts for other aircraft currently in service. Prior to storage, aircraft are made safe by the removal of hazardous and dangerous components or materials. High-pressure systems are bled and spring-loaded systems are relieved, survival kits are removed and any remaining weapons are removed for specialized storage. During this process a complete inventory of the aircraft is performed to document any missing items. Classified items are removed and sent to a secure storage area. Items subject to deterioration are placed in storage or are disposed of. The aircraft's fuel systems are drained, the resulting fuel will be stored for future re-use. The empty fuel tanks are filled using preservation oil. The oil is pumped through the entire fuel system to preserve all of its components (tanks, pipes, pumps, etc.). The engine is run to fully circulate the pure oil, and then the surplus oil is removed and recovered for future use. The aircraft is then thoroughly cleaned and inspected for corrosion.

Most of the aircraft at AMARC are protected by a vinyl compound called Spraylat which is sprayed on as two coats. The first coat is black in color and seals the aircraft to protect its systems from dust, moisture, animals and insects. The second coat, which is white in color, helps to reflect sunlight and heat to protect the aircraft from excessive internal temperatures. Before the Spraylat is applied the engine intake and exhaust areas have desiccant material installed into them, and other openings are filled with barrier material or barrier tape. All access panels, doors, plates and other small openings are sealed using tapes. Brushable Spraylat is used in conjunction with the barrier materials and tape to ensure a complete seal. After all this work has been completed the internal temperatures will remain within 10 to 15 degrees F of the outside air temperature. Without this protection the internal temperatures would reach in access of 200 degrees and this would result in the rapid deterioration of the plastic, rubber and heat sensitive components. The aircraft are then towed to the designated storage position and are secured. Because of the reclamation efforts that go on here with aircraft sometimes being stripped down to their frames for spare parts - the facility is also often referred to as "The Boneyard." However the AMARC works hard to promote the fact that it performs a very key service for the military, and is a cost effective and tax saving operation - and it doesn't just work in spare parts. Many of the stored aircraft can be returned to an operational status in a short period of time and there is a continual process of anti-corrosion and re-preservation work which keeps the aircraft in a stable condition during their stay.

But AMARC does indeed do a lot of reclamation work, as well as the eventual disposal of spent airframes. Some aircraft leave the reclamation area to become instructional aircraft, targets on Army or Air Force ranges, museum exhibits, or display pieces. However, most end up being smelted down into ingots by nearby metal processors. The Pima Air&Space Museum, adjacent to AMARC, offers exclusive tours of the facility Monday-Friday. In addition, independent pilots in the area also offer "fly over" tours - which may be the best way to see the vast size and significance of this living piece of history.

To roam around the AMARC facility with the help of Google, check out the link below:

http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=32.150899,-110.834026&spn=0.009034,0.015192&t=k&hl=en

another Joke for Saturday

Not many people know it, but the Devil actually wears a hair-piece.

Anyway, down in the world of fire and brimstone one guy did find out,
and he decided to have a little practical joke. So one night, he
sneaks past the guardian demons and manages to get all the way into
Satan's bed chamber, whereupon he steals the hair-piece and makes good
his escape.

Well, of course the Devil was most displeased by this, so he calls a general
meeting of everyone in the underworld: everyone has to attend.

The meeting is held in a huge cavern, and it's absolutely packed.
As Satan steps up to speak, everyone sees that he's got no hair, and peals of
laughter start echoing out around the hall.

The devil bellows at them to be quiet, and a deadly hush falls.

"Whoever stole it," he shouts, "had better return it immediately!"

And here he paused for effect. ... "Or else there'll be Hell Toupee!"

ty Patty

the Word for Saturday

PERFIDY

1 : the quality or state of being faithless or disloyal : treachery
2 : an act or an instance of disloyalty

Synonym: faithlessness

a Joke for Friday

A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The Aussie fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'

The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!'

The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move it, time is money

The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.

''Hello, George! Said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

'George the greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.' The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

'The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my Ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.

'The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honour of these brave souls.

'The Aussie said, 'Why can't they f*cking play at night?'

Airline crew overshot Minneapolis by 150 miles

Two Northwest Airlines pilots failed to make radio contact with ground controllers for more than an hour and overflew their Minneapolis destination by 150 miles before discovering the mistake and turning around. The plane landed safely Wednesday evening, apparently without passengers realizing that anything had been amiss. No one was hurt.

The Federal Aviation Administration said the crew told authorities they became distracted during a heated discussion over airline policy and lost track of their location, but federal officials are investigating whether pilot fatigue might also have played a role.

The National Transportation Safety Board does not yet know if the crew fell asleep, spokesman Keith Holloway said, calling that idea "speculative." The pilots didn't become aware of their situation until a flight attendant contacted them through an intercom from the cabin to the cockpit, said a source familiar with the investigation who wasn't authorized to speak publicly and asked not to be named.

Flight 188, an Airbus A320, was flying from San Diego to Minneapolis with 144 passengers and five crew. The pilots dropped out of radio contact with controllers just before 7 p.m. CDT, when they were at 37,000 feet. The jet flew over the airport just before 8 p.m. and overshot it before communication was re-established at 8:14 p.m, the NTSB said.

The FAA notified the military, which put Air National Guard fighter jets on alert at two locations. As many as four planes could have been scrambled, but none took to the air. "After FAA re-established communications, we pulled off," said Michael Kucharek, a North American Aerospace Defense Command spokesman.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091023/ap_on_bi_ge/us_northwest_airport_overflown

a Joke

A young man, shipwrecked on a small, deserted island, found an old oil lamp sticking out of the sand. He picked it up, and looked at it, thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool if there were a Genie in here?" He knew that Genies did not exist, but figured he had nothing to lose, so he dutifully polished the lamp.
To his amazement, an enormous Genie emerged from the lamp in a cloud of smoke. The Genie announced, "Thank you for freeing me from the lamp. In accord with the customs and principles of my profession, you are entitled to precisely three wishes. Wishes will be granted in accord with the laws of the State of California, and any claims, disputes, or disagreements relating to the wishes shall be resolved by binding arbitration applying California laws."
"That's weird," said the man, "I never thought a Genie would sound so much like a lawyer."
"But I am a lawyer," replied the Genie, "I am both a lawyer and a Genie. You should be aware that, for every wish you make, I will not only grant your wish but will grant every attorney in the world double what you wish for."
The man didn't care much for attorneys, and he wasn't sure what to make of the Genie, but what was the worst that could happen? He decided to take the Genie's offer, and make his wishes.
"I wish for fifty million dollars," he said. As money poured down around him, the Genie reminded him that every attorney in the world had just received one hundred million dollars.
"My second wish is for a luxurious mansion, more stunning than Versailles, fully staffed and furnished with fine antiques." The ground rumbled, and a mansion slowly rose from the earth. It was astonishingly beautiful. A butler approached him with a tray of fine food. He ate hungrily, thinking, "It really can't get any better than this."
But then the Genie reminded him, "Every attorney in the world just received a mansion twice as nice as this one."
The man thought carefully about his last wish. He appreciated what the Genie had done for him, but it burned him to think that the attorney who had botched his divorce case had fared even better. And there was the attorney who had stolen from his mother's estate. And wasn't the President an attorney? The man shuddered, realizing what people like that could do with this kind of wealth and the power it could bring. And it was then that he made his final wish.
"I really want to give something back to society," the man said. "I wish to donate one of my kidneys for transplant."

the Word for Thursday

NUGATORY
1. Of little value; trifling.
2. Having no force; ineffective.
Synonym: worthless,useless,futile,insignificant

a Joke for Thursday

A Gift for the Mother-in-Law

Two guys were talking at work.
"I've got a problem," said the first one.
"What is it?"
"My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And, I am fresh out of ideas. I mean, it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?"
"What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.
"Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot."
"Hmmmm, hard to top that one," said the other.
The two guys couldn't come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn't buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.
When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren't so thoughtful!"
Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!"

STEALING YOUR KODAK MOMENT

stolen..that special moment