The Ten Amendments to the Ten Commandments, by Allah:

The Ten Amendments to the Ten Commandments, by Allah:

1. I am the LORD [YHWH is used here] your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before [or besides] me. Although I apparently forgot my real name and now go by the generic title "the God" or "Allah" in Arabic. So, if you really worship Zeus but simply call him "Allah", it's all good.

2. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. But if you want to set up a baetyl as your sacred stone (in direct violation of Leviticus 26:1) and kiss it and bow down towards it during your yearly pagan pilgrimage to Mecca to the pagan shrine known as the Ka'aba, that's okay.

3. "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name. Actually, I'd rather you over-use my title by constantly saying "Inshallah" and repetively shouting "Allah Akbar" as you fight in my cause (since I'm quite incapable of fighting for myself.)

4. Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the LORD your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor the alien within your gates, so that your manservant and maidservant may rest, as you do. Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the LORD your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day. Except that I've changed my mind about the Sabbath and decided it should be on Friday, not Saturday like the Jews observe it or Sunday like the Christians. And there's no need to give your household a break. They can continue to serve you considering you don't really have to work during the six days either because Allah blesses you with plenty of kafir booty and captives.

5. Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you. I've added a disclaimer, folks. If your mother or father leaves Islam, kill 'em.

6. You shall not murder. Except in the cause of Allah, or in the case of apostates, or when people say bad things about Islam.

7. You shall not commit adultery. Unless you've captured a married, non-Muslim woman. In that case, rape her all you want. Go ahead and sleep with any of your slave-girls as well.

8. You shall not steal. Looting caravans and raiding villages is not stealing if it is in the cause of Allah and your victims are non-Muslims.

9. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. Taqqiya is sanctioned in Islam. Not to mention you can lie to get your wife to shut up, or to conquer a nation of the kufaar.

10. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. You shall not set your desire on your neighbor's house or land, his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. You may, however, covet your adopted son's wife and when he divorces her, you can go ahead and marry your daughter-in-law. You can also covet the wealth of neighboring kafir nations and blame them when you are in poverty (so that you feel justified when you attack them and take their goods).